Absolute Loneliness
by Servant of Anubis
Summary: If Sesshomaru's the Lord of the West, why doesn't he live in a palace? Who's been ruling while he's been wandering around Japan? Sesshomaru fights to regain and maintain his throne as his unbreakable mask begins to crumble.
1. Prologue

Hello everyone. This will be my first Inuyasha chapter story. I always wondered that, since Sesshomaru is Lord of the West, why doesn't he live at a palace? I always figured that demons had a government, so after watching Inuyasha: Sword of World Conquest, and reading several books on ancient Japanese government, I put the two together (plus my question) and came up with this story. Please enjoy.

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A brush was dipped gently into an ink well, the excess wiped off, and the brush held over the silk paper hesitantly. Sesshomaru frowned, thinking about the task at hand and clearing his mind of cluttered thoughts. He lowered the brush to the paper and almost effortlessly the calligraphy flowed out. The dim light cast by the guttering oil lamp was more than enough for the demon and he sat in silence, working steadily.

The room he was in was not his room; he hadn't been in _his_ room for several years now. No, the room and the one adjacent to it were being lent to him by his gracious host. Rather, the host was gracious because he knew that the demonic traveler and his weary human companion that appeared at his door late this rainy night were to be treated with the highest respect. The lesser demon had listened closely as the high lord explained his circumstance, stating that he required shelter for the night because the mortal girl accompanying him needed rest and could not handle traveling in such distasteful weather. The lesser lord had bowed and agreed (it was always better to agree with those in higher power); commenting in a hopefully friendly manner on the weakness of humans. The unfortunate lord then found himself lifted off the ground by a highly annoyed dog demon, who whispered in a harsh tone that if the fool dared speak of Rin in that manner again, he would find his head severed from his shoulders. Upon once again requesting a room as the lesser demon was dropped unceremoniously onto the floor, the guest was given the best accommodations the meager palace could offer. So that is where Sesshomaru found himself.

Pausing, the said demon looked up from his work and glanced at the fusuma doors separating his room from Rin's. Her soaked kimono was drying above the charcoal brazier next to the door and she was sleeping peacefully, judging by the sound of deep slow breaths, tucked in a futon of heated down blankets. Sesshomaru himself had gotten drenched as well, and hadn't minded finding a room for Rin, although he would never voice it. He had also changed out of his wet clothing, which was hung up to dry next to Rin's. The Lord of the Western Lands' attire was of similar design, a slightly less formal pattern of red silk chrysanthemums delicately hand-stitched into the flowing white silk. His armor concealed most of the beautiful artwork, but Sesshomaru wasn't at ease in this temporary palace, so the armor was a necessary for comfort purposes.

Placing the imperial-vermilion brush aside to rest on a stand, he carefully reviewed each word written. He made a few scarce adjustments, having been taught at a young age to write with articulate perfection and grace. When he was satisfied, he drew out a golden seal from his sleeve. Stamping his family name next to his signature, he blew on the ink to dry it. He rolled up the silk scroll and placed it next to the brush.

"My lord!"

Sesshomaru looked up to see Jaken slam open the shoji door with a bang and burst into the room. Falling to his knees, panting, Jaken explained himself in a hurry.

"My lord, forgive me for barging in like this, but I have just heard the most terrible news! The Dowager Lady of the Western Lands, Lady Ainiueru, your mother, has been assassinated! I rushed here as fast as possible to tel-"

"Be quite, you fool!" Sesshomaru hissed, shooting Jaken a venomous glare, "Do you want to wake Rin?" To this Jaken shook his head feverishly.

"Good. As for my late mother, I already know of the treacherous deed. I received a carrier pidgin this morning alerting me of it. As usual, you are the last to learn things."

He paused. "We will be attending the funeral, of course."

Jaken was silent, having just made a fool of himself in front of his lord. Bowing deeply, he touched his head to the floor, "My deepest apologizes, my lord. I will try to be more attentive in the future. I thank you for your understa-"

"Why are you still here?" Sesshomaru asked sharply.

"What do you mean my lor-"

"Don't you have a message to return?"

"What!" Jaken exclaimed as he looked around the room frantically.

Sesshomaru calmly gestured to the scroll on the table.

Rushing over, the toad demon scooped up the scroll and, apologizing, he backed out of the room. Pausing just in the hallway, he blinked and looked questioningly toward the dog demon. "My lord, why not send the message by the carrier pidgin?"

Jaken was too far away to see his lord's gold eyes narrow dangerously.

Jaken was not too far away to hear his lord hiss, "Did I ask for questions?"

"N- No, my lord! I go, I go; look how I go!" And with that, he scampered off.

Sesshomaru listened to his servant's footsteps hurry down the hall, and only allowed himself a barely audible sigh when he was certain Jaken was gone. Leaning over, only one thought entered his mind as he blew out the oil lamp.

'Freed. Finally freed.'

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Right, sorry this chapter is so short, but! the others will be longer. This is the prologe, so don't worry.


	2. Visitation Rights

Second chapter folks. And a big cheer to AiSesshoumaru who was the first to review this story!

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After a brief breakfast for Rin, Sesshomaru and the girl departed early the next morning with a quick formal goodbye to their host, who was grateful that he had survived their stay. Taking a road over a mountain, Sesshomaru walked, easing himself into a rhythmic trance. Rin dozed off on Ah and Un and didn't awake until they had cleared the mountain and had begun their descent.

Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, Rin pushed herself into a sitting position. "My lord?" she called out in a small voice.

Ahead of her, Sesshomaru heard the cry and stopped, waiting as Ah and Un caught up. He began walking again, keeping pace with them.

"Yes, Rin?" he replied in an even tone.

"Where are we headed to?"

Sesshomaru was silent for a moment. "We are going to visit Inuyasha and his wife."

Rin's face light up. "Really, my lord? How wonderful!"

"Hn…"

After Naraku's final defeat, Sesshomaru and Inuyasha had both realized that their personal war was 'stupid', or so says Inuyasha. So the fighting between the two brothers had ceased, but either party had made no further attempts towards a more positive relationship. The two became acquaintances, nothing more, nothing less. They hadn't seen each other in at least three years.

Sesshomaru and Rin traveled on at a steady pace, mostly in silence except when Rin commented on the beautiful sunshine or a passing bird. "Look how pretty it is Lord Sesshomaru!" she would exclaim, and he would nod, never once stopping. At one point, Rin hopped down from Ah and Un and walked along on her own for a while; then she became too tried and clambered back up. They ran into no one; perhaps no one dared cross the powerful demon or there just weren't any people about. Either way, Sesshomaru didn't mind; he wasn't in a mood for dealing with any more than he had to.

By the time the village in which Inuyasha lived came into view, the sun had sunk low into the horizon, staining the sky a bloody red. Rin was hungry and tiered, sitting atop the two-headed demon with a rather exhausted look on her face. As they passed through the village, humans drew out of the way quickly, whispering to each other behind closed hands. Such was the greeting they always received when entering a village, and here was no different. It was a small settlement, a few dozen houses all with thrush roofs and wooden walls. Rice paddies surrounded the village and worn dirt paths served as roads. They traveled upon them until they came to a small house just outside the village and Sesshomaru knew by the scent that it was Inuyasha's.

Bidding Rin to come, he went to the hanging split-reed door and stood before it for a moment, wondering just what he'd find inside. He could hear people moving and light footsteps scampering around. And a strange scent pervaded over everything. Mentally shaking himself, he rapped his knuckles on the doorframe solidly.

The movement in the house stopped and so did the laughing, giggling voices. After a few seconds, a women's voice whispering, "Shh, I'll go see who it is. Go hide in the corner and wait, okay?" Murmurs of compliance and quieted movement. Heavier footsteps moved toward the door, and it was pushed back slightly to reveal a worried-looking woman. The worried look didn't leave once she saw Sesshomaru.

"Oh, Sesshomaru…" she said nervously, "Why are you here?" She winced as she realized how rude she sounded. Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes.

"I need to speak to Inuyasha," he said, frowning at the mortal woman, whom he still perceived to be a child.

"He's not here right now," Kagome answered truthfully, slightly suspicious of the demon. It was true; Inuyasha was out in the forest behind the house, hopefully catching dinner. A small noise from near Kagome's waist caught Sesshomaru's attention; he glanced down and was slightly surprised to see a little girl peaking out from around the folds of Kagome's kimono.

Following his gaze, Kagome looked down as well. "Tsuki!" she scolded, turning to face the child, and Sesshomaru didn't miss the worried tone in her voice. "I told you to wait in the corner with your brother and sister!"

"Who is he?" the girl asked, pale gray eyes staring fearfully at Sesshomaru. He returned her gaze and she shrunk behind her mother, tightly clutching Kagome's kimono.

"He's… Your half-uncle, actually," Kagome realized with a backward glance at the demon. Looking back to Tsuki, Kagome shooed her inside and faced Sesshomaru. She met his gaze for about a half-second before looking away.

"Oh!" Kagome smiled as she spotted Rin, who was staring at the clouds dreamily. "Hello Rin-chan!"

Rin looked over. "Ah! Hello Kagome-chan!" Running over, she and Kagome hugged, grinning broadly.

"It's been so long since I saw you Rin-chan!"

"I know! I'm so happy to see you again!"

Sesshomaru watched this exchange in silence, and wasn't sure what to make of it. When had Rin become friends with Kagome?

Kagome stood up, having crouched down to greet Rin, and smiled at them both. "Ano… Would you like to come in? Inuyasha should be here in a few minutes…" She trailed off, looking at Sesshomaru hopefully.

He nodded and stepped inside, Rin bounding after him. The house seemed much smaller form the outside, but inside it was quite roomy. A low table stood in the center of the room and plain zabuton 1 were stacked next to it. The room was light with the last wisps of dying sunlight that poured into the house through a window. Looking about the room, he saw a boy and two girls kneeing in corner. The boy started as Sesshomaru cast his stern gaze upon him, and the two girls in turn hid behind their brother when Sesshomaru' gaze rested on them. Kagome shot the demon a withering look, as if she believed he frightened her children on purpose, and then gestured them to come out of the corner. They came, stealing glances at the lord when they thought he wasn't looking, but he saw every one.

Sesshomaru paused at the door and sat down on the step. Rin noticed this and ran over, pulling off his boots and setting them aside. Now, this was not done because Sesshomaru believe Rin to be his servant; no, it was quite the opposite. Sesshomaru cared about Rin more than anything else; although he was loathe admitting it even to himself. Rin helped Sesshomaru simply because he was not the type of demon who was going to standing there, balancing on one foot like an idiot as he struggled to remove his boots one-handed. Sesshomaru stood back up and stepped up into the main house. Moving across the room, he took a seat against the far wall, facing the door, and knelt there, his hand resting on his lap.

Discreetly sniffing the air, Sesshomaru wrinkled his nose slightly as he fought off the urge to sneeze. A distinctly unique scent was everywhere; it was slightly familiar, as if he'd encountered it before, but it was just dismally different to slip past his keen senses. He turned his attention to Rin, who was smiling broadly as Kagome poured her cha 2. Yes, when had that happen? The dog demon could recall only a few times when Rin had been around Inuyasha's wife, and in none of times did anything substantial happen between the two humans, from what he remembered. Ah well, what did it matter if the two mortals bonded? It's not like it was of an importance. At least not compared to the decades-old plan that was finally set into motion. But that currently depended on Inuyasha's cooperation.

As if on cue, a small explosive sound resounded near the house, and Sesshomaru heard something burst out of the forest. He noticed a small smile creep onto Kagome's face and he listen intently as footsteps walked toward the house.

"Oi, Kagome!" Inuyasha called out, a wide grin on his face as he pushed passed the hanging door. His eyes were shut as he thrust forward two dead rabbits, holding them by the ears. "Kagome, look what I foun-" He stopped short as he opened his eyes and saw Sesshomaru. "Ah- ah-…" Inuyasha was at a loss for words as the rabbits slipped from his hand to floor. No one moved, and for a moment Kagome was sure the two brothers were going to start fight again.

"What are you doing here?" Inuyasha asked bluntly, his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Three years have gone by and you still haven't gained an ounce of tact," Sesshomaru sighed, standing up gracefully, "Hello to you too… little brother," he added as an after thought.

Inuyasha scowled and was about to say some dirty insults when Tsuki unknowingly did it for him.

"Daddy," she said, tugging at her father's sleeve, "Why does he smell funny?"

Inuyasha choked back laughter as he watched Sesshomaru visibly twitch.

"I do _not_ smell funny," Sesshomaru gritted through clenched teeth, glaring at the child.

"Yes you do," the other daughter piped in, her golden eyes shining "You kinda smell like Daddy, only not; sos that means you smell funny."

"Tsuki, Sana, that wasn't very nice," Kagome said, hiding a smile behind her sleeve.

"Inuyasha, can I talk to you in private?" Sesshomaru forced out, clenching his fist.

"Sure, why not?" Inuyasha said grinning, now in a considerably better mood having since seen his two little girls verbally beat Sesshomaru. The half-demon bent down to retrieve the rabbits and tossed them to Kagome upon straightening up. "Alright, out we go." And with that Inuyasha ducked out the door. Sesshomaru slipped on his boots and followed.

Once they were outside, Inuyasha rounded on his brother.

"Alright, what do you want?" he demanded.

Sesshomaru smirked inwardly; Inuyasha was so fun when he was like this. "Am I not allowed to pay my brother a visit?" he asked with a taunting smile.

"You're not the type of person who randomly shows up at his half-brother's house on a well-wishing visit after three years of silence," Inuyasha pointed out.

"True, I'll admit," Sesshomaru agreed.

"So what is it then?"

Sesshomaru paused; this was the hard part. "I… I need you to watch Rin for a day or two."

"Eh?" That threw Inuyasha off balance for a moment. Realization set in and suddenly he found himself getting angry. "You know, you got a lot of nerve showing outta the blue after three years of dead silence, still acting like you got a stick jammed up your ass, then you ask me for a favor? What the hell is your problem, huh! Why should I do anything for you knew you've given me nothing but crap all my life?"

Inuyasha glared at Sesshomaru, his fists balled and he seriously considered running forward a few steps so he'd be close enough to hit him. That's what he thought until Sesshomaru surprised him by looking away in… shame? Guilt?

"Well?" he demanded.

"My mother was assassinated. I'm going to her funeral," Sesshomaru whispered quietly. What was wrong with him? Could it be he actually held some compassion for the woman? He doubted it, yet this behavior was most unlike him.

"Oh…" was all Inuyasha could say. He'd never really thought about, but Sesshomaru had to have a mom, right? He didn't ever talk about his past, so it was a mystery to Inuyasha. 'Good job,' he thought, suddenly glum, 'You go attack mode on your brother because he doesn't visit and here you turn out to be the asshole because you don't give him a chance to explain himself and here it is that his mom died! Brilliant!'

"I don't want Rin to be exposed to the other demons that will be there," Sesshomaru continued, still looking away.

"Why?"

Inuyasha received a cold look as his brother finally returned his gaze. "Would you take your human to a palace full of demons when you yourself know full well what demons think of humans?"

"Sorry I asked," Inuyasha muttered, kicking at the ground. Wait, did he say palace?

Sesshomaru watched his brother carefully. Would he agree? It was crucial that Rin was introduced at the right time, and the funeral was not the right time…

"Sure."

Sesshomaru smiled to himself.

"On one condition."

Sesshomaru scowled inwardly. "And that would be?"

"You promise to visit more often."

Now it was Sesshomaru's turn to be surprised. He had expected Inuyasha to ask for precious gifts or something, not more visits. Well, it didn't matter. If all went well, Inuyasha would be seeing a lot more of him whether he liked it or not.

"Agreed," he said aloud, "Please inform Rin that I will return for her shortly. Ah and Un can stay behind your house. Good day Inuyasha."

He spun on his heel and walked off.

"Ah- ah- You bastard! You tell Rin! Get back here!" Inuyasha yelled.

Sesshomaru was already gone.

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Footnotes

1- zabuton floor cushion

2- cha tea

Yeah, footnotes for all of you who didn't know what I was talking about… Third chapter coming soon.


	3. Formality

3rd chapter, up and running . Hope you all like. Oh, the random numbers are footnote markers. They were boxed off, but hates me, so.. yeah.

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_"Sesshomaru!" Lady Ainiueru's sharp voice cut through the air, "Why have you not attended your lessons? Your father will be most unpleased."_

_"Unpleased!" Sesshomaru shouted in a rare loss of temper, "He won't even notice! He doesn't notice anything except that worthless ningen!"_

"My lord?" the sound of Jaken's voice brought him back to the present.

Sesshomaru had left Rin with Inuyasha and had traveled straight through the night. Jaken had met up with him shortly after daybreak and they continued on. Now standing at the city's center with the Imperial Palace in view, the usually detached demon found himself unable to fight off old memories.

"My lord? Are you alright?" Jaken asked.

Not answering, Sesshomaru swept past him and approached the Outer Gate. Running to catch up, Jaken didn't catch the exchange between his lord and one of the guards. He saw Sesshomaru nod and the guard glace about before saying something else. Then the doors were opened and they were bowed in.

Jaken couldn't suppress a gasp as the Outer Courtyard came into view. At least two hundred demons were standing about in small clusters, talking. Incense burners stood along the wall, white smoke curling up toward the endless blue sky. Overwhelmed by the beauty and vastness of everything around him, the toad demon found himself quite unable to move. He stood in a daze for a few moments before the sight of Sesshomaru ascending the steps into the Outer Palace brought his mind back.

"My lord, wait for me!" he shouted as he darted around feet and desperately tried to avoid being stepped on. Finding a clear break, he ran for the gateway as Sesshomaru passed through the guarded archway.

"My lord, wai- Hey!" Jaken cried out indignantly as the guards barred his way. "Let me through! I have to get to Lord Sesshomaru!" he yelled angrily.

"Sorry, no one but members of the High Court are allowed past here for now," one guard said, pushing the infuriated demon backward. Huffing, Jaken turned around and crashed into someone.

"Sorry!"

"Ugh, what is a pathetic demon like yourself doing here?" a shrill voice said, catching the attention of everyone in the Courtyard. Jaken looked up to see a tall woman staring down at him, distaste apparent in her eyes. She wore a plain white mofuku 1, but the jade rings on her fingers and thin shields of beaten gold guarding her sharp nails were a testament of her wealth and position. She was extremely beautiful, with piercing eyes the color of liquid gold and long hair like molten silver tied in a lose ponytail, a few stray strands drifting over her face. A mass of white fur similar to Sesshomaru's looped over her left shoulder.

"I am the loyal servant of Lord Sesshomaru!" he pronounced, puffing up with a pride that was quickly deflated when almost every demon in the Courtyard began to laugh.

"Wha- what's so funny?" Jaken demanded, his face reddening considerably. The woman straightened up and raised a delicate hand to wipe away a tear of mirth. Barely restraining herself, she answered, "You? A servant to Lord Sesshomaru? Did he accidentally step on you and in his pity accept your stewardship? How unlike him! And better yet, you actually _boast_ about being his underling?" She and the others began laughing again. Jaken's blush deepened as someone returned through the archway, unbeknownst to the toad. He didn't notice that all laughter except what came from the woman ceased.

"Don't you mock Lord Sesshomaru!" Jaken cried out.

"I could mock him all I want!" the woman announced to the silent Courtyard, "I am his wife, after all."

"What!"

Just then Sesshomaru stepped up next to Jaken.

"My lord!" the smaller demon exclaimed. Sesshomaru ignored him however and addressed the triumphant-looking woman.

"That is enough, Lady Ochiba," he said harshly.

"Oh, all right, my lord" she said the title with amusement, a coy smile still resting on her lips.

Sesshomaru cast a withering glance over the demons standing out in the yard before turning on his heel and, beckoning Jaken to follow, passed once more through the polished archway.

"My lord! Who was that woman? And what did she mean when she said she was your wife!" Jaken exclaimed loudly as soon as the passed through the archway. They found themselves in the Outer Palace; incense burners standing every few feet to purify the air of death. Jaken followed Sesshomaru anxiously, wondering what on earth just happened.

"That was Lady Ochiba, member of the High Court and my late mother's niece," Sesshomaru responded without looking back. He paused. "She is also the Lady of the Western Lands, my wife."

"My lord, when did this happen?"

"When I was younger; five hundred seventy-six years old 2," he replied, careful to keep all emotion from his voice.

"She means something to you, my lord?" Jaken asked slowly, cautiously.

"It was an arranged marriage; such is the tradition of the dog demon tribe," Sesshomaru stated, not really answering the question, but his tone of voice signaled the end of the conversation.

Jaken was quiet. Why had his lord never mentioned this before? And why had there been no contact between the two if they were indeed married? Surely that would be cause for communication, even if Lord Sesshomaru didn't like Ochiba. And Jaken could see why! Based on their little meeting, she was snobby, rude, stuck-up, and arrogant! Ah, well; it seemed to be yet another of the many mysteries that surrounded his lord.

The funeral was to be held later in the evening, but before that Sesshomaru had to formally receive all the demons wishing to pay their respects. So he knelt in Choushuu Hall for five hours with Ochiba and murmured the proper response to the lesser demons' words of sympathy. He was on the hi no goza 3, tall, proud, and dominating. He knelt there comfortably; his heels tucked neatly under him, flanked by four guards, two on each side. Ochiba sat behind him, her form hidden by a screen, yet all knew she was there. As each demon came up, they bowed low, their heads touching the floor. Then they would kneel as usual and offer sympathy and praise to the late Lady Ainiueru as the soryo 4 who lined the hall chanted funeral prayers. As far as Sesshomaru believed, the whole matter was very dull.

So after five hours of kneeling and receiving, even Sesshomaru grew weary, so when at last it was done he was greatly relieved. A servant called Sayo brought a list of tribute and treasures, and she bowed low and offered it to Sesshomaru, who waved it aside, having no interest in such matters.

"Allow Lady Ochiba to take it," he commanded. So Ochiba took the scroll and examined it closely, then gave it back, nodding her approval. Seeing this, Sesshomaru rose and left Choushuu Hall, everyone bowing low as he did. Having a few precious moments to himself, he wandered the halls of a place he hadn't been to in years. He still could recall the layout of the palace and so he made his way through the Outer Palace and into the Inner Palace. Walking slowly, images from buried memories sprang up to fill the empty halls like phantoms.

_A small child ran through the palace, tears streaming down his face, mingling with the blood from the cuts…_

"_Pathetic! You call yourself a dog demon? You can do better than that!" Ainiueru shouted…_

_The martial arts instructor fell to the ground, accidentally struck dead by his student. "Sesshomaru!" Chichiue_ 5_ scolded, "What have I told you? Never in the house! _6_ Now who will finish your lessons? A little practicality!"…_

"Chichiue…" Sesshomaru murmured, and a strong wave of sorrow suddenly swept over him. Closing his eyes, he forced it down; all the while his face remained blank, revealing none of his emotions.

"My Lord Sesshomaru, does something ail you?" a light voice asked.

His eyes snapped up. A young onmyoji 7 stood before him, bowing now that he had his lord's attention. The demon lord nodded his head as his bow, and the onmyoji straightened up. He wore a white sokutai 8 and around his neck hung a string of prayer beads. A fan of steel and silk was tucked into a wide sash that was tied around his waist, and he held a fan of bamboo and paper in his hand.

"Hoshikuzu-san," Sesshomaru said while looking at the boy, "Child-like as ever."

Hoshikuzu frowned. "My lord, might I remind you that although I look like a child, I am in fact eighteen hundred years old."

It was true. For as long as Sesshomaru could remember, Hoshikuzu had been there. When he was a child, Sesshomaru would often receive secret gifts of sweets from the pleasant onmyoji. Still, Sesshomaru could not call the man his friend; being a prince, now lord, such a thing was impossible. Anyways, he found himself increasingly annoyed by Hoshikuzu as he got older. No, perhaps annoyed was not the right word. He disliked the elder's habit, talent even, of being able to look into Sesshomaru's soul, or so it seemed. Common gossip was that Hoshikuzu was a noisy man who enjoyed looking into people's future and meddling in their private affairs. Sesshomaru found the parts concerning reading futures and meddling in affairs to be accurate.

"Hmm… You will be faced with many trials in your in reign. An inner struggle between who you should be, who you are, and who you think you should be," the onmyoji muttered absent-mindedly while peering into Sesshomaru's eyes.

A light frown creased Sesshomaru's face. "Enough," he said sternly and Hoshikuzu broke eye contact, muttering an apology out of formality rather than actually meaning it. Sesshomaru dismissed the onmyoji, and he went away, once more leaving the demon lord alone.

Wandering on, he thought about Hoshikuzu's unsettling prediction. He knew that certain trials would be unavoidable, but what was this about inner struggles? Who he is, should be, and whom he thought he should be? What nonsense is this? Sesshomaru already knew these things; ever since he was a child, he who he was and who he should be. He didn't think about who he should be, there was no uncertainty, he knew who he had to be. … Wanted, not had to; he wanted it, right? Yes, yes, of course. Damn onmyoji; trying to mess with his mind. He was loyal though, and considering what plans Sesshomaru was about to unleash on the unsuspecting palace, he needed all the loyal followers he could get.

He halted, suddenly very aware of his surroundings. Swallowing, he stepped back twice and looked to his left at the shoji doors that hid the rooms from peering eyes. Turning to face the door, he slid it open.

The room was empty of both people and furnishings. Sesshomaru slid his feet out of his boots and entered the room slowly. His footsteps were soft, barely audible, as if he was afraid to stir up memories. No one had been in the room for many years; indeed, the layer of dust coating the floor was thick enough to leave a trail, which the demon was doing as he moved to the center of the room. Stopping in the exact center, he crouched down and gently ran his fingers over the dirty tatami mats. Memories older than the dust flew up with it.

The lamp had been blown out several hours before, yet he was still awake. His thoughts had quieted down, and his mind felt almost numb. It was the same feeling he had every night, a sleepless quiet that he enjoyed even as he despised it. He would not allow himself to believe that the tugging feeling in his chest that accompanied this quiet state was loneliness. No, that was impossible; Sesshomaru did not become 'lonely' in any sense of the word. The idea was foreign to him, an unattainable emotion common with weaker beings, of which Sesshomaru refused to have any similar tendencies.

A thought occurred to him and he sat up, intent on it. If he was awake, he might as well practice his calligraphy. The night seemed to demand some sort of silence from those that dwelt within it and of this Sesshomaru was keenly aware: he slipped to his low writing table without so much as a sound. He readied the ink and paused a few moments, wondering what to write. The answer came to him a half moment later and it was a painfully obvious one: poetry. It came naturally to the demon as it did his father. Perhaps Sesshomaru could catch his attention with a beautiful poem and maybe even incite praise.

With this in mind he put his heart and soul into his poem. 'Please let this be good enough' he prayed silently. The calligraphy was perfect, each character flowing gracefully down the paper. When he was finished, the poem read as such:

Yo no naka wo

Nani nagekamashi.

Yamazakura

Hana niru hodo no

Kokoro nariseba

9

A gong rang out the hour of the funeral and Sesshomaru jumped. Standing up, he swiftly left the room, a guilty feeling creeping into his chest that he had allowed himself both the complete immersion in the memory and that he had jumped at the gong. Closing the shoji door, he saw a slip of paper attached to it that he hadn't noticed before. Peering curiously at the faded ink, Sesshomaru managed to make out 'kinjiru', 'forbidden'. He allowed himself a grim smile. Yes, he supposed his old room would be forbidden after that event. He went quickly to the funeral and did not look back.

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Sorry it took so long to update. ducks sharp projectiles 4th chapter coming soon, I promise! Five days tops! (I have Guard practices and a competion... ;)

Footnotes

1 mofuku- mourning dress

2 Math Lesson! Demon years are a bit different than human years. Every 36 demon years is equivalent to 1 human year. So if Sesshomaru is 900 years old; 900/36 25, meaning that Sesshomaru is (in human years) 25. ; So if he was married when he was 576; 576/36 16. Sesshomaru was 16 when he under-went his arranged marriage. Poor guy.

3 hi no goza- a raised platform with straw mats and cushions

4 soryo- monk, or actually, monks in this case. Darn the lack of difference betwee singular and plural! 

5 chichiue- father; all throughout any of the Japanese episodes you can hear Sesshomaru refer to his father by Chichiue. I know that otousan is another way of saying father, but Sesshomaru uses Chichiue, and that's good enough for me!

6 Death was considered the most impure thing possible and to have 'death' in the home was horribly taboo. 

7 onmyoji- onmyodo (the Onmyo Way) is an extension of taoism in Japan, which focused on astrology and the Toaist five elements (wood, fire, earth, metal, and water) theory. The services of Onmyodo practitioners (onmyoji) were called upon in state and religious ceremonies as well as for divining and other matters related to the supernatural

8 sokutai ceremonial court dress for men

9 Yo no naka wo/Nani nagekamashi/Yamazakura/Hana niru hodo no/Kokoro nariseba This world of ours-/Why should we lament it/Let us view it as we do the cherries/That blossom on the hill. A poem about death and the world's impermanence, originally written by Murasaki Shikibu. I don't claim ownership, don't sue me!


	4. Circumvention

What, ho? An update! So my laptop once again lives, which means that Absolute Loneliness lives once again as well! To make up for my almost two months radio silence ducks thrown objects, this chapter is longer than usual. Asassins, assassins everywhere Enjoy.

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Sesshomaru brought the horse to a sharp stop in front of Inuyasha's home. It was just after midnight, which meant that he had a little less than four hours to accomplish his task. The sky was dark and there was no moon, but that was due to the thick black clouds which covered the sky. Sesshomaru could smell the approaching rain. He handed his servant the reins as he dismounted, striding up to the door quickly. Jaken stood a little ways behind, clutching a second horse's reins tightly along with his lord's as he observed him. How controlled he looked, even under such stress! Recalling the conversation his lord had after the funeral with a loyal court lady named Suetsumuhana, Jaken couldn't believe he was so calm, albeit a bit rushed.

"My Lord Sesshomaru!" a voice called out from behind them and they turned. A silver-gray haired young demon was running toward them. She seemed to be very perturbed, and when she reached Sesshomaru, she bowed deeply, rushing through the formal greeting.

"_What is it?" Sesshomaru asked, his eyes cold._

"_My Lord, I dare not speak of it in the open here; please, may we adjourn to a spare room?" came her hushed reply, so they stepped into an empty room. Sesshomaru didn't think the room made a difference; no one could keep a secret in a house of paper walls, and he personally had only ever found privacy within his own mind._

_After Lady Suetsumuhana had shut the door, she fell to her knees in grief more than respect. "Oh my Lord! I have heard the most retched news! You cannot stay here tonight; those two fiends, Fujiyu and Hachi, they plan to have you murdered in your sleep! I heard them discussing it in whispered tones during the funeral when the chanting was the loudest so that none might have overheard them, but I did, my Lord. They wish to take over as co-Regents and rule in your place! They believe you, in their words not mine, to be incompetent to rule, especially because of the incident of several years ago-"_

"_Enough!" Sesshomaru commanded in a loud voice with a sideways glance at Jaken, who thankfully hadn't noticed the strangeness of the girl's last statement. Suetsumuhana stopped immediately, her hands flying up to cover her mouth. The toad demon was sickened with worry._

"_My Lord, this is horrible! What are we t-"_

"_I said enough!" Sesshomaru commanded louder. "I cannot think in your noise!"_

_With both servants silenced, the proud lord stood as if he was a statue, still as stone. Damn, his plan was going to be difficult enough without this to worry about…It would have to be tomorrow then; if they were so intent on usurping him, then he would have to exert his dominance early. Step one of his plan was going to happen quicker than he had hoped, but there was no other way. Now, to get out of the castle without arousing suspicion… _

"_Lady Suetsumuhana," Sesshomaru asked suddenly, gesturing for her to rise, "It has been so long since I set foot here; tell me, what direction is this?" He pointed to off to his right and slightly in front of him._

"_Ah…" the girl thought and it was a moment before she answered with fright, "The northeast _(1)_, my lord! Why?… Oh, surely you did not travel to the northeast to get here?"_

"_I did," replied Sesshomaru, and Suetsumuhana hastily stepped backwards _(2)_. "I will go, Jaken also, to the shrine that lies to the southwest of the city, and purify ourselves. It would be unwise to stay when carrying such impurities. I will require two horses and we shall leave immediately. We will return tomorrow afternoon. Alert the Inner and Outer Palace Guards of the Left of this departure, and tell them it will soon be time to prove their loyalty. And I apologize for bringing my impurity into the Palace," he added as an after thought._

"_I will have the Guards informed right away, and the horses readied for riding, my lord," Suetsumuhana replied, pleased that she could help her lord._

_Sesshomaru moved as if to leave, then stopped. Turned back slightly, he addressed Suetsumuhana. "Are the Nashitsubo_ (3_) and the Kiritsubo_ (4)_ occupied?"_

_She looked confused. "No, my lord, not since His Eminence your father passed from this life," Suetsumuhana said slowly._

_Sesshomaru was silent for a half a second. "Have the rooms ready for my return," he said before sweeping out of the room, Jaken scurrying to catch up. When he did, he looked up at Sesshomaru._

"_Did we travel to the northeast, my lord?" he asked in a hushed tone._

"_Of course not; don't be stupid," came the equally hushed reply, Sesshomaru looking straight ahead._

"_Who are these people? Fujiyu and Hachi?"_

"_Uncles; Hachi from my father's side, Fujiyu from my mother's. Both with no sons, although Hachi's second wife was rumored to be with child… Unimportant at the moment, Jaken; no more questions."_

Sesshomaru rapped his knuckles on the doorframe, forcing away the over powering sense of déjà vu. Now was not the time. He needed to act quickly, and he could afford no delays.

"Inuyasha!" he called.

No answer.

Knocking louder, he called again.

This time he received different results. The flap of the door was thrown backwards to reveal a very cross-looking Inuyasha.

"What the hell do you want now? Do you know what time it is!" the half demon yelled.

"The Hour of the Rat (5), if I'm not mistaken, which is all the more reason to hurry up," replied Sesshomaru in a cooled tone.

"Hurry up? What for?" Inuyasha demanded.

Indeed, Jaken had been wondering this too, so he quietly inched closer to make sure he didn't miss what was said.

"We have to leave immediately."

"Come to take back Rin? Fine, but you could've waited until the morning," Inuyasha scowled.

"No, Inuyasha, we have to leave immediately."

"Eh? What the hell are you talking about? 'We'? As in, you and me?"

Sesshomaru was becoming agitated. "All of you. You, your wife and children and Rin," he said, willing his voice to remain even.

"Why? Where are we going?" Now Inuyasha sounded genuinely confused, sleepiness having quite effectively lessened his thinking abilities.

"I'll explain on the way," Sesshomaru said brusquely, "Go and wake everyone up. Now."

"No, tell me where we're going and why," Inuyasha said defiantly.

Sesshomaru glowered. "Now is not the time."

"I'm not moving until you answer me!"

Jaken stepped forward. "You do as my lord says, you half breed! Lord Sesshomaru will answer your questions when he feels li-"

"Jaken!" Sesshomaru barked without turning around. Jaken flinched; there was no mistaking the annoyance in his voice.

"Y- Yes, milord?" he stuttered nervously.

"Who told you to leave your post?" the dog demon asked curtly.

"No one, milord; sorry milord. It won't happen again," Jaken scurried back to his place, out of ear shot, and Sesshomaru continued.

"Once I tell you, I want no further questions until we're under way, understand? This cannot be delayed any further."

"Fine, just answer the question already."

Sesshomaru took a deep breath and it escaped a little too much like a sigh. "We are going to the Palace an-"

"What! What Palace? Why?"

"Why? Because I said so. Now wake up everyone."

"Where's the Palace? Why are we going?" Inuyasha persisted stubbornly.

"I said no further questions until we were under way. Now, wake them up!" Sesshomaru commanded.

By the time everyone had been woken up, and Kagome had stuffed various things into her backpack (complaining all the while about the demands and unpredictability of men), and the quarter demon children had stopped prodding Jaken, it was well into the Hour of the Ox (6) and Sesshomaru was nearly at his wit's end, although nothing showed. Jaken brought Ah and Un out from behind the house and the quarterlings and Kagome were assigned to ride them. Inuyasha was given a black stallion and once everyone else was settled, Sesshomaru grabbed Rin by the back of her kimono and hauled her up onto a white stallion. At the last moment Jaken was told to ride with Kagome and the children, much to the toad demon's dismay. With that done, Sesshomaru gracefully swung himself up behind Rin. After giving brief instructions to Inuyasha on how to ride the horse, Sesshomaru rode to the front.

"We need to be at the middle of the forest by dawn and we can afford no more delays. That begin said, I urge you to ride swiftly."

With that, Sesshomaru dug his heels into the sides of the horse and he and Rin took off like a shot, Inuyasha and the others hurrying to catch up.

Just before the Hour of the Ox ended, the promised rain blew in, drenching the travelers in sheets of water. A cry of discomfort went up form the children almost immediately after the rain began, and it was only stilled when Kagome popped open her umbrella. She kept it open as the winds picked up, but once a tree next to the dirt trail exploded from a touch of lighting, she hastily stuffed it away. Inuyasha was closest when the tree was struck, earning him a buck off his now frightened horse. The children once again took up crying loudly from fear, unhappiness, and hunger, and despite Kagome's best intentions, they wouldn't stop, their tears practically indistinguishable from the rain. All and all, everyone seemed quite miserable.

Sesshomaru appeared the calmest out of everyone, but inside he was boarding frantic. The crying of the quarterlings was drilling its way past his hardened defenses and what had the potential to become a horrendous headache was forming, threatening his focus further. The storm didn't help matters either, soaking him to the bone and causing his hair to stick to his face. The sheer force of the rain had flattened his fur to his body and his clothing clung to him like a second skin. In order to distract himself, he concentrated on shielding Rin from the rain by holding his arm in such a way that he maintained control of his horse, and at the same time prevented the fat raindrops from landing on the human child. Rin was used to traveling with Sesshomaru and she had grown quite skilled at sleeping in the saddle, which was what she was doing now. Sesshomaru wondered if the rain made any difference to her.

"Sesshomaru!" Inuyasha yelled as he rode up next to the sopping demon.

Inuyasha was in worse shaped than Sesshomaru. Visibly angry, exhaustion flitted around his face, betraying his need for sleep. His hair and clothes were spattered with mud from his fall of his horse, and his ears were flattened against his head to avoid taking on water.

"What is it?" Sesshomaru asked in an even tone.

"It's pouring, if you haven't noticed. You dragged us outta bed in the middle of the night for this? We're tried and wet and hungry!" Inuyasha raged.

"So?"

"Damn it, Sesshomaru! Just because you don't feel anything doesn't that we don't too! There are children traveling here and I hope you honestly don't expect them to be able to keep going like this!"

"I do."

"What! Are you insane!"

"No, I am quite sane, thank you," Sesshomaru responded coldly as his voice rose slightly, his eyes narrowing into slits. "I realize that humans and their fellows can't stand as much as a true demon could, but I implore you and your quarterlings to be patient, if you can manage."

"Quarter-! You bastard! You push us to the brink and then you insult my children! What the hell is wrong with you!"

"I have found that I receive the best response from you when you are angry, Inuyasha," Sesshomaru hissed, his voice now a deadly quiet. "This maneuver is as much for your sake as it is mine. If you could kindly hold out for a little longer, we will arrive at the house of a lesser lord who will give us rooms for the rest of the night. Now please, get back in line and silence your children before I do."

Before Inuyasha could offer a comeback, Sesshomaru had kicked his horse back into a gallop in a vain effort to escape the cries of the children.

They arrived at the house about twenty minutes later, just as Sesshomaru had promised. They were immediately given the best rooms available, the lesser demon wishing to avoid the same scenario he had experienced earlier the pervious day. Food was brought for the weary travelers, and they ate their fill. Sesshomaru was the only one among them who refused the meal, preferring the silence of his room to the company of the others. Inuyasha had a room to himself, as did Rin, but Kagome refused to leave the children's side, so they shared a room. Jaken had to sleep in the servant's hall, but no one short of Jaken himself seemed to mind. Everyone fell asleep quickly after the food, everyone except Sesshomaru.

The dog demon's mind was restless, and he couldn't have fallen asleep if he wanted to. Instead, he occupied himself with writing as his mind flew off on various thoughts.

Why was he bothering with all this? He could have easily taken out an assassin on his own. Why drag Inuyasha into the mess? But he already knew the answers. The news of the assassination gave him an unexpected opportunity to right a wrong sooner than he thought. It was killing to birds with one stone. If everything fell through, he could finally come clean. But would he be accepted? Worry's tide surged up slightly before receding again.

And yet… Sesshomaru couldn't help but wonder if he was justified in his actions.

No, his mind quickly crushed that idea. No time for self doubts, and it was too late for it anyway. He needed every ounce of focus if he was going to-

"Sesshomaru?"

Apparently the house wasn't as asleep as Sesshomaru had thought. He closed his record book and put it away as Inuyasha pulled back the sliding door and entered, not bothering to get permission.

"I would've thought you'd be asleep by now," the demon remarked with civility, masking his annoyance at being disturbed. Inuyasha sat down heavily against a fusuma door near Sesshomaru, tucking the Tetsusaiga up next to him with the hilt near his head; Sesshomaru glanced at the sword before pushing it out of his mind as well.

"I'm not as weak as you think Sesshomaru, or as stupid," retorted the half-breed.

There was a pause as the brothers regarded each other.

"I want to know what's going on," Inuyasha continued, his tone suddenly serious. "Why did you show up at my house in the middle of the night and proceed to drag us across the country to a palace, of all places? It's not like you. If it wasn't for your unmistakable stench, I would've figured you to be a fake or something."

Sesshomaru ignored the half insult as he simply gazed at Inuyasha. The soft light provided by the oil lamp made him look unusually fierce and Sesshomaru wondered when his brother had found this new sense of strength and maturity. A slight but unmistakable pang was felt in his chest as he realized just what three years had cost him to miss. Still, he supposed Inuyasha deserved an answer; his actions were rather out of character.

"Our lives, and the lives of you loved ones, were- still are, for that matter, in danger."

"What?" Inuyasha's voice was laced with disbelief. "Why?"

"My mother's death left the throne open to anyone with enough political power and the right connections to take it."

"Wouldn't it automatically just go to you?"

"Chichiue didn't live long enough to name me Togu (7)," Sesshomaru said quietly, purposely not mentioning the other, much more shameful half of the reason. The explanation was only half correct anyways. His father had named him Togu the night before his death, but it wasn't formally announced, so it might as well have never happened. Still, Sesshomaru carried the royal decree of it with him always, along with the other gift his father had given him that night. An awkward silence followed, and Inuyasha broke it by asking his next question.

"Let me guess; you're trying to take the throne, right?"

"To allow the throne to fall into anyone else's hands would be dishonorable," Sesshomaru answered without hesitation. Had he had a civil conversation with Inuyasha like this, one that hadn't been filled with insults and degraded remarks? He didn't think so.

Inuyasha must have caught something in Sesshomaru's voice, because he suddenly looked suspicious. "Do you want the throne?" he asked abruptly.

The question took Sesshomaru by surprise. "What do you mean?"

"Do you want to take the throne?" Inuyasha repeated.

"It is my duty as the son of the Dog General," Sesshomaru replied monotonously, not really answering Inuyasha's question.

Inuyasha didn't know enough about politics to grasp the fact that the response he received would have signaled an end to discussion.

"Duty aside, do you personally want to take the throne?" he pressed.

Sesshomaru didn't like where this conversation was going, not one bit. "I cannot comprehend a lack of duty," he said, dodging the question.

"You have no imagination," the half demon sighed exasperatingly as he slumped down in defeat. He'd tackle that question later. "Why are we in danger then?"

"Since I am the obvious choice for the throne, others eyeing it will see me as their biggest obstacle."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"If I were to lose the throne, whoever took over would seek to completely obliterate any descendants of the former lord. You are in danger then, and your family. We are sons of the Dog General, so you are a target. I had to get to you before anyone else. I received information of a planned attempt on my life, so I know it's only a matter of time before they set their sights on you," Sesshomaru said with a slight shrug, as if he and Inuyasha were merely discussing the weather instead of a life or death situation. He paused to give Inuyasha a chance to offer his views, but none came.

Inuyasha could only gape open-mouthed at Sesshomaru, in a complete lost for words. Inuyasha couldn't believe it. Numbly he recalled Sesshomaru's words 'we are sons of the Dog General'. For the first time ever, Sesshomaru had said that they were brothers, and not in the sense that he was being made fun of. Sesshomaru sincerely meant it. Inuyasha wondered if Sesshomaru even noticed what he said, it came out so easily, as if it was no big deal. For some reason, hearing Sesshomaru say that made him feel… wanted. Warmth blossomed up inside him. Sesshomaru accepted him as family.

Sesshomaru sat quietly, watching Inuyasha with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension. The half demon appeared to be stunned, and Sesshomaru doubted that his words had that much effect. No, it must be something else he decided. Still, that bewildered expression was unnerving.

"Do you understand?" the demon questioned. Inuyasha offered no reply, so Sesshomaru reiterated his question.

"Y- Yeah, I get it," Inuyasha mumbled distractedly. "Hey, I'm gonna go to my room, okay? I'm… kinda tried."

He got up and moved almost drunkenly towards the door. Upon reaching it, he turned back slightly at the almost noticeably confounded demon. "Hey, Sesshomaru?"

"Hm?"

The question Inuyasha was dying to ask, the question that haunted the back of his mind for all his life welled up in his throat.

"Eh… Nothing, never mind…" he muttered, walking out and heading to his own room. Better not risk ruining it just yet. He'd enjoy the feeling of acceptance while it lasted.

Back in his room, Sesshomaru allowed himself to slouch ever so much as a wave of weariness over took him. Inuyasha's departure left him with the sense that the half demon had gotten too close to something he shouldn't have. It was light, but a slight tugging sensation pulled at his conscious, hoping to get him thinking about the past. Sesshomaru wouldn't allow it however, and he retired for the little of the remaining night.

After such tiring night, everyone was grouchy from being woken up so earlier the next morning. The Hour of the Tiger (8) was almost over when Sesshomaru gave the word to rouse the other companions. The unfortunate one who was instructed to wake Inuyasha received a nasty clout to the head for her efforts, the half-breed having swung blindly at the unwelcome wake up call. Other than a tearing servant girl, the morning passed without incident as everyone one was still half asleep and too tried to cause any sort of disturbance. They ate a little breakfast of rice balls filled with smoked salmon, pickled radishes and green tea, the latter being openly refused by Inuyasha. Once everyone had eaten their fill, they left after a quick formal goodbye. The bleary eyed children sat atop Ah and Un, small fingers protectively clutching furoshiki which contained extra rice balls for the road. Inuyasha glared at his horse for a full minute, as if daring it to act up, before ungracefully clambering on. Everyone was set, and Sesshomaru led them out.

The trip was much better than the night before. True, they were still traveling at a hard pace, but at least it wasn't raining. The ride went smoothly, save for a chorus of cries from the quarterlings, who claimed they needed to go to the bathroom. Aside from that brief rest, they had no stops and Sesshomaru was pleased that the edge of the forest came into view before noon.

Sesshomaru brought everyone to a halt a good ten meters back from the edge; telling them to stay there, he dismounted and continued on foot.

Interest peaked, Inuyasha watched Sesshomaru's retreating form inquisitively. Slipping off his horse, he waved at the others to keep quiet (Kagome silencing Jaken's protest with a sharp blow to the head), and the half demon commenced tailing his brother. Keeping out of sight, Inuyasha followed Sesshomaru's scent to the edge of the forest, where he hid behind a tree and spied.

Sesshomaru was standing just past the forest's limits, but still within its shadow. Four fully armed demons stood in front of him. Squinting, Inuyasha saw the lord gesture toward the forest, his mouth moving in conversation. He stopped, and two of the demons bowed and beat a hasty retreat across the open field. His curiosity satisfied for the time being, Inuyasha turned to leave and in doing so snapped a twig under foot. Almost immediately an arrow slammed into the tree up to its shaft a scant three inches from Inuyasha's nose, and a second arrow whizzed overhead.

Swearing loudly, Inuyasha leapt up to the leafy canopy. With decent cover and a clear view of the three-person party, he could see the armed demons each nock another arrow, scanning the forest intently. Sesshomaru cautiously began to advance and the two demons fell into position behind him, bow stings taunt. The half demon crouched on his branch as still as stone, barely breathing. Staring hard at the archers, he saw them sniffing the air quizzically. Damn! They'd smell him, Inuyasha thought frantically, moving backwards and rustling the leaves.

He didn't have time to think before Sesshomaru shot up into the trees and was upon him. He caught Inuyasha by the throat and carried him backward through painfully thick branches before smashing him into a tree, successfully knocking the wind out of the unfortunate half demon.

Sesshomaru's mind flipped from battle, to brief confusion, then swiftly to anger.

"You idiot," he growled, pressing hard and crushing Inuyasha's windpipe, who coughed and squirmed before Sesshomaru relaxed.

Still coughing and slightly dazed, Inuyasha rubbed his bruised throat. He had never seen his brother react so… openly to a disturbance.

"Hold your fire," Sesshomaru shouted, and with a shove, pushed Inuyasha out of the tree. He broke a few branches and hit the ground hard. When he looked up, he found himself staring at arrow tips. Sesshomaru jumped downward and landed lightly next to his brother's crumpled form.

"Is this the spy?" asked one of the archers, eyeing Inuyasha with disbelief.

"Should we execute him, sir?" the other wondered and Inuyasha tensed.

"No, he's no spy, just a fool," Sesshomaru said with contempt. "You may lower your weapons."

"Who are these people!" Inuyasha demanded, scrambling to his feet. "They almost killed me."

"They are from the Inner Palace Guards of the Left," Sesshomaru said, glaring at Inuyasha. "Get back to the horses. Now."

"Why should I?"

Cold fire burned in Sesshomaru's eyes. "You have obviously seen how serious I am about our lives being in danger. You, in your typical dim wit fashion, have left your wife and children with no protection."

Inuyasha's eyes widened. "You don't think-"

A scream cut through the air.

"Kagome!"

The two guards and the two brothers ran toward the scream, adrenaline rushing through them at the promise of battle. Inuyasha saw Sesshomaru leap into the trees out of the corner of his eye; a second later a body toppled down, its throat ripped out.

The glance cost Inuyasha, and the shiruken that flew out of the underbrush sliced across his shoulder. Without thinking, he dug his claws into the wound and flung bloody blades toward the bushes, a current of energy sweeping through him when he was rewarded with a cry of pain.

Sesshomaru reached the horses first as he bounded out the woods. He saw three assassins running toward Kagome and the quarterlings, and he sensed another in the trees above them. He quickly dispatched two with his poison whip; Kagome and Jaken's unintentionally combined attack killing the third. Looking to the trees for the fourth, he saw a guard's arrow find its mark.

Inuyasha burst out of the thick forest and charged an assassin heading for his brother's turned back. His sharp claws decapitated the foe with little problem. Suddenly Sesshomaru spun and drew Tokijin in a wide arc at Inuyasha.

"Watch it!" he shouted furiously as he quickly ducked Sesshomaru's blade. Hot blood splattered his back and he pivoted; an assassin hit the ground dead not a foot from him. A second assassin was behind and swung down at the crouched half-breed. Inuyasha sprang backwards, missing the blade, but he collided with Sesshomaru and took them both to the ground, Tokijin landing out of reach.

"Idiot!" Sesshomaru hissed as he shoved his brother off him. He saw the assassin bring the sword down as if in slow motion. Metal hit metal as Sesshomaru pulled Tenseiga out just in time. Teeth bared, he snarled as the assassin bore down harder. Kicking up swiftly, Sesshomaru flipped the attacker over him and leapt to his feet. Spinning around he saw Inuyasha kill the assassin and a guard's arrow fall an attacker from the trees. Scanning the area, he saw no more, but still did not drop his guard. Breathing heavily, he waited a little longer before finally sheathing Tenseiga and the retrieved Tokijin. Glancing over, he saw Inuyasha run and embrace his family before checking for injury. Sesshomaru turned toward his own horse and his eyes widened at the sight that met him.

"No!" he shouted with barely concealed horror. His horse was dead and Rin was gone.

"Stay here," he yelled to Inuyasha as he darted into the woods. Damn it. Where was she? Her scent was still strong, but it was dampened by something. Water? He looked down.

In and between the small green plants were fat drops of water. Quickly looking behind him, he saw soaked plants in only one spot. Someone had taken Rin and dumped water on her so she'd be harder to track, his mind formulated. A good plan, but who ever took her forgot that water leaves a trail too.

Sesshomaru ran quickly but quietly, eyes following the water, nose following the smell, and his sharp intuition telling him where the trees were. The scent got stronger and he ran faster. Rin, where are you, he cried out deep within his mind. Jumping over a group of bushes, he suddenly found them.

A demon with a humanoid held Rin tightly, an arm wrapped around her waist and arms as he held her to his chest. She was gagged and at her throat was a dagger. A trickle of blood dribbled down her cheek.

"Don't come any closer," the demon ordered.

Sesshomaru hadn't been planning on doing that, but made it look like he came to an abrupt stop. On the inside he bristled with rage at the sight of the gag and her blood. No, stay calm, he commanded himself and he took a deep breath. Remember what Chichiue taught you.

"Let her go," he said in a calm tone, his face perfectly blank.

"I think not. But don't worry, so long as you do what I say, the human will be fine," the demon replied. His voice had a rasp to it, no doubt from the scar that ran across his throat, and his black hair was pulled into a tight ponytail.

"Who are you?" Sesshomaru asked.

"I'll ask the questions, thank you, but for the record, my name is Keibatsu."

'Punishment,' Sesshomaru processed this quickly. This man was clearly a novice. A veteran assassin would have known better than to give away his name.

"Why are you doing this? What did Rin do to you?" Sesshomaru questioned, interjecting concern into his voice.

"So that's her name, is it? Your companion? You care about this girl. I cared about someone once, but your father killed them, so now I'm here for revenge."

Inwardly, Sesshomaru frowned. This man wasn't with the others. The other assassins attack everyone, but this man was after just him. The man needed Rin as a hostage; it was obvious that Sesshomaru could kill him.

Sesshomaru took a step forward and Keibatsu stepped back. "No you don't. Stay there or I'll kill her." He pushed the dagger against Rin's throat.

"Go ahead," Sesshomaru replied, ignoring Rin's muffled noises. He took a step closer.

"Hey, I told you to stay there. I'll kill her!" the demon said.

"So? She's just a human. I could easily find another. They do breed like rats, after all," Sesshomaru said coolly.

"You bluff."

"Do I?" Sesshomaru asked with false interest as he stepped forward.

"Stay back!" Keibatsu shouted, slicing a thin line across Rin's throat. Sesshomaru allowed his eyes to widen with concern. The demon smiled.

"Oh, not so cocky now, are you?" he said, bringing the blade to Rin's face. "Didn't think I'd do it? If you don't listen I will."

"Don't hurt Rin."

"Then do exactly as I tell you."

"Will you let her go unharmed?"

"Once I get what I want, of course."

Sesshomaru paused, apparently thinking it over.

"Fine," he said, his voiced falsely laced with defeat.

"Alright, now we're getting somewhere. Turn around."

Sesshomaru hesitated.

"Do it, or the human dies,"

Slowly Sesshomaru turned around, leaving himself completely vulnerable.

"Now kneel."

Sesshomaru did. "Now let Rin go," he said.

"As soon as I'm done."

Silence. Sesshomaru listened, forcing himself to take slow deep breaths. He knew Keibatsu was coming closer, every fiber in his being could sense his aura getting closer. Still, he stayed kneeling, quiet, concentrating…

Snap.

Before Keibatsu had time to react, Sesshomaru spun around, drawing Tokijin at the same time. Keibatsu screamed as the sword connect with his knees, and went right through. He fell backwards, dropping the dagger and Rin. Seeing this, Sesshomaru grabbed Rin by the back of her kimono and threw her behind him, away from the assassin. Standing up, Sesshomaru stood over Keibatsu.

"How? How did you…? I- I-"

"Have shamed me so badly it's unbelievable," Sesshomaru coldly finished the sentence as he drove Tokijin deep into the man's heart. Letting go of the hilt, Sesshomaru turned to Rin. Dropped to one knee, he quickly untied her. Aside from a slight redness caused by the ropes, her only injuries were a cut on her cheek, the thankfully shallow one on her throat, and a scrap on her arm from where she had landed.

Sesshomaru resisted a deep urge to pull the child close and instead apologized for taking so long to find her.

"It's okay, Lord Sesshomaru, I knew you would come for me," Rin smiled sweetly. She reached up and touched him gently on the cheek.

Warmth surged through his body, momentarily paralyzing him; the skin-to-skin contact as comforting as it was stunning.

Then it was gone as Rin moved her hand to rest on his armor. Sesshomaru looked down and was dully surprised to see a kunai knife embedded there just below where his heart would be.

'A crippling blow,' he thought as he tugged it out, 'if it had struck its mark.' He looked at it for a second, then handed it to Rin.

"Take this Rin, carry it with you always. If anyone tries to hurt you, use it," the demon lord said, tucking it into her obi. "Come, we must get back to the others." He turned around so his back was facing Rin. He pulled his sword out of Keibatsu's lifeless body. He wiped it off, tucked it into to his obi, and then crouched down. 'I can't believe I'm doing this, but…'

"Rin, climb on and wrap your arms around me. Be careful of my armor. Hold on tightly, because I won't be able to hold you," Sesshomaru instructed.

Rin did as she was told, and Sesshomaru carried the child back to the others.

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Next chapter forth coming...

Footnotes

1) Directional taboos, or kataimi, were extremely important in Sesshomaru's time. It was considered so bad to travel in a 'closed' direction that people could get stuck somewhere because they refused to invoke taboo. Directional taboos are spilt into three groups:

permanently unlucky during specific periods in one's life (say, teenage years),

temporally unlucky based on the position of move divinities, and the permanently

universally unlucky north-east.

2) Taboos were believed to be contagious in the sense that, if you were to stand within an arm's reach of someone suffering from a taboo, you could 'catch' it. A common remedy to this was for the infected person to stay home, and they would attach a willow-wood tag which read 'monoimi', or 'taboo', to the shutters. If they had to go out, they would attach a slip of rice paper bearing the same words to their clothing, warning people not to come too close for fear of spreading the taboo. Sesshomaru's appearance gave no hint of the taboo, and Suetsumuhana was worried about getting to close, so she stepped back (stupidly insulting to do that the way she did, surprised Sesshomaru didn't kill her...)

3&4) Names of pavilions in the Inner Palace

5) 11 p.m. to 1 a.m.

6) 1 a.m. to 3 a.m.

7) Togu was the title given to the son a lord chose to be Heir Apparent, which meant nothing short of death would prevent the selected son from taking the throne after the lord's passing (in theory, of course).

8) 3 a.m. to 5 a.m. (Noticing the pattern here?)


	5. Old Scars

Ah ha ha... So I reposted the last chapter with some changes, if anyone cares to read it (not that you'll notice the changes, of course). I'm back though, laptop fixed, chapters coming, all good. Sesshomaru returns to the palace this chapter, and we all get to learn what the 'much more shameful' reason is. Another note of interest for this chapter: Sesshomaru and Inuyasha are naked! XD It's not descriptive though, so don't get your hopes up. (And don't worry, they're not together, although I do support SesshomaruxInuyasha. X3)

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Sesshomaru found the others quickly. Jaken was relived to see that Sesshomaru was okay, but Inuyasha was angry.

"Where did you go?" he demanded. "You just took off and- Hey! What happened to Rin?"

"Rin was kidnapped; I went to get her," Sesshomaru answer, voice devoid of emotion. He crouched down to let Rin off, then straightened up again and looked at Kagome. "Rin has a few cut and scrapes, and her wrists are raw from the rope. Can you heal her?" Sesshomaru was aware that the miko reincarnate had honed her skills somewhat, but he wasn't sure to what extent. He was secretly pleased to hear that Kagome was capable of healing minor injuries, and watched her demonstrate on Inuyasha's hurt shoulder before he allowed her to help Rin.

While Rin was being tended to, Sesshomaru took some time to inspect the bodies of the attackers, which the guards had lined up down wind of the group. They all had clean-shaven heads and the same outfits; this obviously wasn't a band of thieves as he half-heartedly hoped, they definitely were assassins. The question remaining: who sent them? Obviously someone with wealth and influence, which made just about every court member a suspect.

Sighing to himself, he plucked something from one of the corpses.

"Inuyasha."

The half demon looked up just in time to catch a lightly thrown shiruken. "What's this for?"

"A souvenir," Sesshomaru said, walking over, "of the demon that almost took your life."

"Feh," Inuyasha huffed, recalling the assassin who snuck up on him. "I would've gotten him," he said, but he pocketed the weapon anyway.

"She's all set, Sesshomaru," Kagome called from her kneel on the ground. Rin ran over to the demon lord and tilted her head back.

"See?" she asked, pointing to her neck, "There's no more cut, so you don't have to worry any more, Lord Sesshomaru."

"I'm glad you're alright," Sesshomaru responded, a faint smile brushing his face, but it was gone as quickly as it came. Rin ran back to the other children who were opening their furoshiki to eat the rice balls, and Sesshomaru watched, a strange feeling welling up inside him.

Pushing it down, he looked at his half brother. Inuyasha's sleeve was stained with crusted blood, his hair was tangled, and all of him was dusty. Rin's outfit was blood stained, and she was mud caked from the water mixing with dirt. Her hair was muddy as well. Glancing down at himself, Sesshomaru realized he was no better. His hand was blood stained and his formerly white outfit was now a light brown color. Running a hand through his hand, he discovered a leaf, which he removed, and surmised that his hair was most likely knotted too. 'Ironic,' he thought, 'that my excuse to leave the palace was to purify myself, and I will return with more impurity than before. So much for a civil entrance.'

"Guards, stay with the humans. Inuyasha, Rin, come with me," Sesshomaru said abruptly, turning to the forest.

"Where are you going?" Inuyasha asked with his usual disrespect.

"We," the lord corrected, "Hurry up Rin. Into the forest, isn't it obvious?"

Sesshomaru ignored Inuyasha's protests and led them along a faint trail he had spotted while searching for Rin. The said little girl skipped up to Sesshomaru and took hold of the empty left sleeve and held it the very same way a child might hold an adult's hand while crossing the street. Sesshomaru did his best to ignore this, but when he heard Inuyasha snicker, he let out a soft growl that told Rin to let go. She giggled and relinquished the sleeve, falling a step behind her lord. Inuyasha stepped up to take her place.

"You and Rin look cute together," he said, watching his brother's face closely for a reaction. It used to be that Inuyasha had no idea what Sesshomaru was thinking, but he had learned to read the subtle changes, like the slight up turn of his mouth which passed for a smile or the barely noticeable knitting of his brow in confusion, the narrowing of his golden eyes that signaled anger or annoyance, and many other little things.

"What do you mean?" Sesshomaru asked unnecessarily; he knew exactly what Inuyasha meant.

"Nothing, you'll get it eventually," Inuyasha snickered. "You didn't seem the type for little human girls though."

Sesshomaru visibly twitched, but didn't say anything. Despite Inuyasha's belief, he didn't hold affection for Rin. Did he?

No. He didn't. Love would never exist for him, he had been told often enough.

Presently the sound of rushing water met their ears and they came upon a river.

"Wow!" Rin yelled joyfully, running up to the water's edge, "It's so wide."

"The Kamo River," Sesshomaru said to no one unparticular. 23km long, the rocky mountain river began in the north, where individual drops of water seeping out of a rock gradually formed a united flow heading south. The river had provided a natural eastern boundary in the capital city until settlements sprang up on the other side. The river then continues south where it eventually combines with the Katsura River to become the Yodo River, and from there it flows to the sea. The stretch of river they were at now was wide, but relatively shallow, with wide rocky shores.

"Can I go in, Lord Sesshomaru?" Rin called, hands cupped around her mouth.

Sesshomaru nodded and Rin quickly shed her kimono. Inuyasha averted his eyes as Rin untied her cotton undergarment and ran into the water. "Wah!" she cried. "So cold!"

"You too," Sesshomaru said to Inuyasha, gesturing at the river.

"What?"

"You're filthy. I can't take you into the palace like that."

"What about you? You're dirty."

"Who said I wasn't going in the water?" Sesshomaru asked.

"Fine."

Rin ran back over dripping wet. "Come in with me!" she pleaded to them both.

"We will," Sesshomaru told her. Inuyasha distanced himself and began undressing as Sesshomaru sat down. He pulled off one boot and Rin got the other one. Removing Tenseiga and Tokijin from his sash, he handed them to Rin and maneuvered his arm under his armor. He lifted up, struggled slightly with it before it cleared his head and placed it next to his swords. He tugged the sash loose and handed that to Rin to be folded. With a half glance at Inuyasha, who was now waiting, Sesshomaru reached up and slipped his left sleeve off, carefully concealing his shame behind an expressionless face. He awkwardly pulled the right sleeve so it would slip down when he straightened his arm, which he then did. His haori fluttered to the ground and Rin folded that too. She then slid his hakama down and he stepped out of it. Once it was also folded, Rin ran back into the river and he followed.

Clad only in a cotton undergarment, Sesshomaru waded out until the water came up to his shoulders. Rin was right; the water did have a bite to it. What did he expect for early summer? He was in the middle of the river and the current was strong there, strong enough to wash away even the most seasoned human swimmer, but of course, Sesshomaru wasn't human so he really had nothing to worry about. Dunking his head under water, Sesshomaru saw a small fish dart away in terror. Resurfacing, he was surprised to see Inuyasha swim over.

"Let's race," the half demon challenged as he tread water.

"We are here to bathe, not play games," Sesshomaru responded, his eyes following the fish instinctively.

"You're afraid I'll finally defeat you at something," Inuyasha challenged.

"I am at a severe disadvantage." Sesshomaru hoped his voice sounded normal.

"Oh…" Inuyasha realized the reason for the decline. "Right…"

An awkward silence followed and Sesshomaru escaped it by dipping under the water and, kicking his feet to propel himself, swimming a few feet away from Inuyasha. His brother could really be quite stupid some times, not to mention forgetful, but the lord found he didn't care much that Inuyasha had momentarily forgotten about his left arm, or lack there of. Wasn't that what Sesshomaru wanted, after all? To appear normal, to live in such a way that the people around him could forget about his disability, about his shame .

Holding his breath, Sesshomaru dove deeper. Swimming to the bottom, he drifted there. He could see Inuyasha heading back toward shore quickly, his strong legs kicking the water. Rin he could also see, walking along the shore. He came up for air and stood in the water, feeling the current tug fiercely at him.

"Ah!"

Sesshomaru's eyes snapped toward shore in time to see Rin slip and fall in the water. She got up all right though and Sesshomaru thought that the girl must have very poor karma today. First the kidnapping and the cuts, then she loses balance at a part of the river which could have easily carried her away.

Dipping his head back in the water, Sesshomaru decided it was time to get back to the others. Fighting the current he headed back to shore, call to Inuyasha and Rin that it was time to get out. Rin ran out of the water, and grabbed her kimono. Holding it with one hand, she hit the fabric with the other, trying to get the dust out. When she felt it was dust free enough, she laid it aside and pulled on her undergarment. She then sat down and began piling up rocks as she sang to herself; waiting to dry enough so she could finish getting dressed. Inuyasha had already gotten out the water and had laid out on the rocks, staring at the sky in silent contemplation.

Sesshomaru stepped out the river, suddenly very self-conscious. Sitting down (making sure his left side was hidden from Inuyasha's view), he also waited to dry. Staring at the light dancing across the river's surface, he allowed his mind to wander in a rare relaxing of control.

Inuyasha would never understand the extent of the damage he caused when he severed Sesshomaru's arm that day. Even if Sesshomaru could atone for everything that brought him shame, he would never be totally free; the shame of his disfiguration would always be there. He must have the worst karma in the history of Japan, he thought darkly. Still, when it was all done, when his duty was finally completed, maybe then he could… be free. His duty… The shame of his inability to fulfill his duty quickly over rid everything when he thought of it. All these years of wandering were drawing to a close, one way or another; one with shame, one without it. He prayed it was without, but if it were, he at the very least wouldn't have to live with it. Oh, he was risking so much by returning to the palace, so much; the others had no idea. Even Jaken with his knowledge of court workings, he knew it was dangerous, but Sesshomaru knew deep inside of him that if he told Jaken the full extent of what he was attempting, Jaken would faint from shock. He figured that everyone would find out at the palace anyway, but he couldn't help praying that they wouldn't. He looked at Inuyasha, who appear to have dozed off. Self-doubt swept over him suddenly, flooding him with fear. He should have waited; he should have brought Inuyasha into this much later. It would be too much to balance at the same time and he didn't think he could do it. Who was he, leading an unknowing Inuyasha into a death trap? It would have been better if he waited until he had the throne and no one could challenge him. He should've-

"Lord Sesshomaru?"

He jumped in spite of himself.

"Yes, Rin?" he answered calmly, quickly burying his fear, cursing himself mentally for losing control like that.

"I think you're all dry now."

She was right. Rin must have dried off to, because she was dressed. Sesshomaru stood up. "Alright then."

Painfully aware of his disability, Sesshomaru allowed Rin to help him dress as she usually did. Although he had tried after losing his arm, Sesshomaru quickly discovered that even though he could get underdressed by himself, he couldn't for the life of him get the clothes back on. Jaken used to help Sesshomaru, but do to the toad demon's shortness and webbed three fingered hands it had seemed to take forever. Rin, with her much more capable human hands, was faster.

As Rin helped Sesshomaru into his hakama, he realized suddenly that Inuyasha was watching him struggle to get dressed. Sesshomaru fought down a burning flush of shame as he tried to ignore his brother, willing him to turn away. How could he watch? His very presence shamed Sesshomaru deeply. Inuyasha kept watching. Kneeling down, Rin slipped the haori on Sesshomaru, who stood quickly, pulling it shut to conceal his left side. He tucked it into place and bent down to retrieve his armor. The demon lord slipped it on with a little difficulty, and Rin adjusted a tie on the side to tighten it. On went the sash, and Sesshomaru tucked his two swords away. Turning, he saw that Inuyasha had given up watching and was tying his clothes in place.

Sesshomaru told them to come and they left the riverside. Walking in silence, Inuyasha felt as if the air had thickened. He was walking behind Sesshomaru and stared at him. Who would've thought, he wondered. Sesshomaru always appeared so distant, so independent, but the reality was that he was definitely at a disadvantage. He couldn't dress himself without problems. And he, Inuyasha, caused it. Suddenly he felt very guilty.

Moving up next to Sesshomaru, Inuyasha spoke. "Uh, I'm sorry… About- About severing your arm. I- I didn't-"

"Enough, Inuyasha." Sesshomaru's voice broke and he cursed himself; he knew Inuyasha noticed.

Walking in awkward silence, Sesshomaru quietly burned in shame. Inuyasha was too perceptive at exactly the wrong times. Even Rin noticed the tension, and she walked softly behind. Everyone was relived when they made it back to the horses.

The two guards Inuyasha saw earlier had returned and they brought a carriage pulled by a team of oxen. Sesshomaru had moved everyone to the edge of the forest and they had waited there. When the guards showed up, Sesshomaru told them about the attack and one of them went off to get rid of the bodies. Under Sesshomaru's orders, the remaining guards moved Kagome, Inuyasha, and the children (including Rin) into the carriage. Inuyasha tried to question Sesshomaru about this, but the lord told him to be quiet and sit down. Sesshomaru looked at them, and realized he couldn't avoid it any longer.

"Listen," he said to the carriage passengers. "I need you all to be quiet when we get to the palace. I won't lie to you; this will be dangerous, which is why I need you all out of sight until the right time. No, Inuyasha, I'm not going to answer your question. Maybe later, but not right now. Until then, stay in the carriage and do not make a sound, no matter what you hear." Sesshomaru shut the door and stepped down. Inside, Kagome looked at Inuyasha.

"What should we do?" she whispered.

"Guess we'll just have to trust the damn bastard," Inuyasha muttered, crossing his arms.

Motioning for the guards to mount, Sesshomaru took Inuyasha's horse. The guards quickly fell into formation: two on horse back immediately behind Sesshomaru, one guard steering the carriage, then lastly the fourth guard leading Ah and Un. Steeling himself for what lay ahead, Sesshomaru proceeded to the palace.

They passed through the city with no interference, but when they neared the palace walls, Sesshomaru felt a wave of nausea sweep over him at the sight of archers on the walls. Would they shoot? They didn't, and they reached the gateway to the palace. However, once they were there, Sesshomaru was confronted with another problem: the two guards on horseback couldn't go into the palace. They had touched the dead bodies of the assassins and therefore were tainted with the impurity of death. So Sesshomaru passed under the archers with no protection.

Once Sesshomaru passed through the gateway, he was both secretly frightened and pleased that the entire High Court and the Outer Palace Guards of the Right and Left were assembled in the Outer Courtyard. It could make things easier, or harder, depending on the will of the kami. In the center of the courtyard was a raised platform, and on it sat Fujiyu and Hachi, a table between them.

"So it begins," Sesshomaru muttered to himself, as he dismounted. "So it begins."

The demon lord walked up to the platform and bowed. Fujiyu and Hachi nodded their heads in place of a bow.

Inuyasha watched the scene through the blinds of the carriage, tense, instinct telling him that they were in danger.

"Sesshomaru," Fujiyu began, his whinny voice enough to make anyone twitch, and Inuyasha's eyebrows shot up at the lack of the title, "Your presence here is a surprise."

'Hardly,' thought Sesshomaru, 'You have the whole Court out here.'

"Yes," agreed Hachi in a rough, deep voice, "The funeral is over, and yet you return."

Sesshomaru took a deep breath. This was it. "I have come to rule in my mother's place."

Silence. No arrows flew as Sesshomaru had half expected.

"Rule?" Hachi asked, arching an eyebrow. He paused and then burst out laughing. Fujiyu and a few of the court members followed suit. Sesshomaru stood there quietly, waiting, his stance not revealing the intense shame and anger that was sweeping through him.

Presently it died down. "That is certainly a high request," Fujiyu said, mirth still in his eyes.

"It is my birthright," Sesshomaru said. Fujiyu dismissed this with an irritated wave of his hand.

"You lost your claim to the throne years ago, Sesshomaru," Fujiyu stated for the now silent court. "You shame everyone here by returning. A treacherous and exiled prince has no place in the world."

Inuyasha's eyes widened. "What?" he muttered in shock.

"What's more," Hachi continued, "is that you would further disgrace yourself by proclaim your rule over our own." He gestured to Fujiyu and himself.

"What right do you have to rule?" Sesshomaru challenged.

"Such impertinence!" Fujiyu exclaimed. "We are the brothers of the late Dog General, which alone is enough to rule, but on top of that…" He reached over to the table and picked up a scroll Sesshomaru hadn't noticed before. "We have been declared Co-Regents by the late Dowager Lady," Fujiyu pronounced, unfurling the scroll.

A sinking feeling developed in Sesshomaru's stomach. He hadn't counted on that. He couldn't legally override a royal decree. Damn. Think, get out of this, he urged himself. You can't let the others die.

"May I see the scroll?" Sesshomaru asked, holding out his hand.

"But of course," said Fujiyu, handing the demon what could very well be his personal death warrant.

Sesshomaru read through it. No… It was all correct. The sinking feeling grew. Sesshomaru didn't believe it. In one finally attempt to spite him, his mother had signed everything over to Fujiyu and Hachi, and appointed them as Co-Regents. Sesshomaru felt defeat tugging at him, beckoning him to let it go and follow down a path of death. Suddenly Sesshomaru noticed something.

Inuyasha watched Sesshomaru stare at the scroll, and he felt sick. Oh gods, something's wrong. They were so screwed. Sesshomaru had messed up and they were all going to die. Suddenly Inuyasha was angry. If Sesshomaru wanted to go off on a suicide mission, that was fine with him, but how dare he drag everyone down with him!

"This was signed by Lady Ainiueru?" Sesshomaru questioned.

"Of course! Do you doubt the authenticity of the signature?" demanded Hachi.

"No, no, this is her signature. I was just wondering where the seal was," Sesshomaru said, playing his trump card.

A look of horror passed over his uncles' faces. They had forgotten. The decree wasn't sealed. All royal orders were signed by the ruler, and stamped with a golden seal bearing his family name. But without it, a decree wasn't legal. Which meant that Hachi and Fujiyu weren't Co-Regents and the throne was once again open. Sesshomaru momentarily envisioned the entire courtyard erupting in a clash of melee combat but it didn't happen.

"You are still an exile!" Fujiyu shouted, triumph returning to his eyes. "We still have authority over you, Sesshomaru!"

"That's where you're wrong," Sesshomaru said with an evil tone. Slipping his hand into his sleeve, he produced the gold seal, the second gift his father had presented him with. He held it up for all to see, and few gasped issued from the court.

"So!" Hachi yelled, "That does nothing. You probably stole it. You are still an exile, you still can't rule. You're an exile and a thief. You should be arrested!"

"Without this, all decrees that the late Dowager Lady made were void."

"Did you not just here me? You cannot rule, even if the decree isn't signed. We will retrieve the seal from the thief that stole it, and then we shall rule."

Sesshomaru growled inwardly at the thief insult and calmly pulled a scroll. "What's that?" demanded the two demons.

"A royal decree," Sesshomaru said, victory blooming up inside him. "Signed and sealed by the late Lord of the West, the Dog General himself. It states that I am to rule"

"What!" Hachi shrieked as Fujiyu shouted that it was impossible. But when Sesshomaru handed them the scroll and they read it, they realized it was bona fide.

Sesshomaru took a moment to relish his victory by watching their faces fall, and then commanded, "Guards! Seize these traitors!" Immediately the Guards of the Left responded, and they took hold of the confounded demons. No one in the courtyard moved to help Hachi or Fujiyu; who would dare cross Sesshomaru now? The guards looked to him for what to do next.

Sesshomaru considered it for a moment. "Kill them," he said simply.

"Here, in the Outer Courtyard?" one of the guards asked in disbelief.

"It will be purified later."

Two guards drew their swords and beheaded the traitors swiftly. Their red blood seeped into the platform and pooled on the ground.

Inuyasha watched in sick fascination as Sesshomaru ascended the platform himself and proclaimed himself lord in their father's name. It was kind of unnerving, seeing his brother standing there, powerful, strong, over the bodies of his conquered enemies. 'Bastard,' thought Inuyasha suddenly, 'You're a cruel, cold-gutted, heartless bastard, but you've got majesty, no doubt about that.'

The court around Sesshomaru was bowed low, and the lord's eyes traveled slowly over them. Who was on his side? Who wasn't? He knew that trouble wouldn't end just because he had successfully returned. There would still be people who would attempt to cause problems. Already he had been forced to reveal the seal much earlier than he would have liked, which dampened his spirits somewhat. His gaze rested on the carriage and he took a slow deep breath. Next step.

"Guards, open the carriage doors. Inuyasha come out," Sesshomaru commanded, his flowing voice echoing around the courtyard.

The door was opened; Inuyasha gave a small smile to Kagome and stepped out.

Whispers flew from one shocked person to the next.

"-it's a hanyou-"

"-blasphemy, it being here-"

"-his lord's half brother-"

"-how filthy, can you smell that-"

"-look at its ears-"

Sesshomaru raised his hand and the murmurs quickly subsided. Waving for Inuyasha to come forward, Sesshomaru noted without surprise that Inuyasha's faced matched the color of his haori. He walked forward with difficulty, angry and ashamed as the all too familiar feel of being an outcast swept over him. Everyone's eyes were upon him as he stopped in front of the platform, unsure of what to do next, and although he usually didn't care about things like that, he sensed that this would not be a good time to screw up. Instinctively, Inuyasha looked towards Sesshomaru, just in time to see him discreetly mouth the word 'bow'. Stubbornness flared inside Inuyasha at the thought of showing obedience to his brother, but the look Sesshomaru gave him told Inuyasha that it was not up to discussion. He bowed stiffly, and when he rose he saw that his brother had shut his eyes. When he opened them, he addressed the courtyard.

"I acknowledge the hanyou Inuyasha as kin, my half brother by our father, the late Dog General. He shall have power over all of the Western Lands, second only to the Lord of the Western Lands. He is the Hanyou Prince Inuyasha, and he will be treated as such!"

Stunned silence. Inuyasha's mouth hung open, his eyes widening as the Court quickly recovered and touched their heads to the ground, uttering as they did: "Hail to Sesshomaru, the Lord of the Western Lands, and to the Hanyou Prince Inuyasha of the Western Lands. May their rule be long and prosperous."

Inuyasha turned to look up at Sesshomaru. The yokai looked down at him, an unreadable expression on his face; it seemed smug, yet at the same time welcoming. Sesshomaru broke Inuyasha's gaze and lifted his eyes back to the carriage.

"Rin, come forth. Kagome and yours as well," he commanded, and they came out, Rin first, then Kagome leading her children. There were more whispers as they came forward to where Inuyasha stood. Following Inuyasha's earlier example, they bowed.

"The Lady Kagome is Prince Inuyasha's wife, and thus a princess," he said, motioning for Inuyasha and his family to step up onto the platform. "Treat her as befitting a woman of her rank. Lady Ochiba! Rise." She did from the midst of the Court and came forward. "My wife Ochiba, the Lady of the Western Lands." The arrogant demon smiled as she took her place next to Sesshomaru, pointedly ignoring the looks of complete disbelief she received from Inuyasha and Kagome. "And Rin, who I now take as my consort."

Blatant gasps escaped many court members as Rin ran up to the platform and stood on the other side of Sesshomaru. Her shock quickly banished, Ochiba fumed silently with barely concealed anger, and even though Rin was oblivious to this, Sesshomaru felt Ochiba's rage as if a fire burned right beside him. Ochiba was a spiteful woman, and Sesshomaru knew that she would view Rin as a threat to her position, when traditionally there was no need for such fears. Then again, he had smashed about twenty traditions to pieces in the last few minutes, what with coming back and taking over, bring a hanyou and ningen into the palace, executing his uncles like common peasants in the courtyard, and taking a ningen as a consort. Really, Sesshomaru mused, the last one wasn't new; his father had taken Ningen Hime as a consort during his rule. Of course, she could be viewed his downfall, so it was no wonder why many would probably take this action as a bad omen. Sesshomaru wouldn't lose his head over Rin though; he refused to make the same mistake his father did. Anyways, making Rin his consort was really more of a formality, to make sure her position in the palace was secure, right?

Glancing down at the naïve child, Sesshomaru certainly hoped so that was all it was.

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I'm still not sure if I like the take-over scene... I might repost this chapter later if I come up with something better. Anyways, tell me what you think.


	6. Explainations

This chapter's kinda short, but it just seemed better to end it where I did. At least I'm updating, right? We get a peek at Sesshomaru's hidden angst this chapter! (I'm so mean to him, and he's my favorite! ;)

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Sesshomaru spent the rest of the day purging the Court, and, as Inuyasha soon learned, that meant executing anyone that was an obvious supporter of Hachi and Fujiyu's actions. Sesshomaru had sent Rin and Kagome, plus the quarterlings to their respected rooms, but had kept Inuyasha nearby, saying that, although he would have to learn sooner or later, Sesshomaru preferred that Inuyasha learn sooner about what to do if ever in this situation. So Inuyasha watched, in sick fascination, as nobles deemed traitors came forward with their families to either commit seppuku, or die by Sesshomaru's blade. By nightfall, the very soil of the Outer Courtyard had taking on such a rich red color that the sunset itself paled in comparison.

Finally, the members of the Court who had been spared were dismissed, and the brothers were left alone in the semi-darkness of twilight. Sesshomaru walked over to where Inuyasha stood silent, his boots splashing through puddles of fresh blood. Inuyasha had a funny look in his eye that bothered him some what, and every few seconds his hands would twitch, claws momentarily lengthening with the tension.

"Your wife is waiting for you in the Nashitsubo, Inuyasha," he said, looking for a response. When he didn't receive one, he repeated himself.

"Why did you kill all those people?" Inuyasha demanded suddenly, staring pass Sesshomaru to the guards who were moving the bodies. Sesshomaru glanced back, follow Inuyasha's gaze, before answering.

"They were traitors," he stated simply, not really understanding why Inuyasha sounded upset.

"The women and children too! You killed innocent people, Sesshomaru!"

Ah, so that was it. "That sort of thing is hereditary. The children were just as guilty as the father," Sesshomaru explained. Seeing the look on Inuyasha's face, he realized that explanation would suffice, so he continued. "What self-respecting wife would want to survive a treacherous husband, and who would put their child through the shame of living, knowing that they were born from a traitor? These people knew what could happen to them if they choose the path they did, they knew it was treason; they must face the consequences. That's the natural order of things."

"Bullshit," Inuyasha spat. "You know what? Those people earlier, whispering things about me; they were right. I'm not a demon. I could never be considered as repulsive, as blood-thirsty, as a demon!"

"How dare you say that?" Sesshomaru hissed quietly, his anger rising. "It's typical of you not to understand the simplest things, but I never would have guessed that your ignorance stretched this far. To say such a thing; I don't particularly care what you say about me, but Father…" Some part of him realized that he should stop, that his emotions were starting to get the better of him, but he couldn't stop, the words just came tumbling out. "Somewhere, Chichiue is cringing in shame. You disrespect him; you insult him; he who died for you. He gave his life for you and your worthless ningen mother-"

"Shut up!" Inuyasha yelled and swung at his brother, clipping him right in the mouth.

Slowly, Sesshomaru looked back at Inuyasha, disgust in his eyes. Clenching his teeth, he took a deep breath.

"Go to your wife, Inuyasha. I will deal with you tomorrow," he managed with a gesture before pivoting on his heel and taking off at a speed he knew Inuyasha couldn't follow.

Inuyasha stood there for a few seconds, unsure of out to do with himself, before stomping off toward the direction Sesshomaru showed. Rage boiled in him from what his brother had said. His mother was not worthless. He wasn't trying to disrespect his father. Wait, what had he said exactly? Gave his life for? Anger ebbing away into confusion, Inuyasha realized that he didn't know how their father died. Sesshomaru obviously did; he couldn't help but feel jelous. And this traitor thing, what was that about? Inuyasha couldn't imagine his formality-loving, prideful brother doing something that would have gotten him exiled.

"Lord Inuyasha!"

He stopped. "Myoga?"

Looking down, he saw the tiny flea demon hopping up and down energetically.

"I've searched everywhere for you! This is the last place I would have thought to find you!"

"Me too," Inuyasha mumbled as he crouched down. "Hey, Myoga, do you know how my father died?"

Myoga quieted, slumping a little. "I do…"

"Mind telling me? I don't think anybody here will be too eager to do me any favors."

"Certainly, my lord," Myoga cleared his throat and Inuyasha suddenly hoped it would be worth it.

"As you know, your father loved your mother very dearly, so when she asked to return to her human village to give birth to you (a human tradition, I think), your father couldn't deny her, even though it was dangerous. The day after she arrived there, he received word that the human lord of the village, Takemaru-"

"Takemaru?" Inuyasha said in half surprise. "The Takemaru who wielded Songun?"

"The very same. Takemaru was planning on killing your mother, and you for that matter, because she had associated with demons. Your father left immediately to go protect her, but he and his men were ambushed on the way and your father was injured. He went to the sea for a few minutes to recuperate and he ran into Sesshomaru there. No one knows exactly what was said, save Sesshomaru himself, but when your father continued on to the palace, Sesshomaru didn't go to assist him, even though he had lost all of his men in that ambush. Your father-"

"Wait; how do you know this?" Inuyasha demanded. Myoga better not be lying about this.

"I saw everything from the trees; I was out of ear shot though… Anyways, your father continued to the village even though he was wounded and resurrected your mother with Tenseiga. He named you, apparently, right before fighting Takemaru. Takemaru, that lunatic, had ordered the palace to be set on fire, so the building…"

Myoga swallowed hard, wiping a tear from his eye before continuing.

"The building collapsed on your father and Takemaru. It took them both."

Inuyasha was silent for a moment. "So… He died protecting my mother."

"Indeed," Myoga agreed. "He loved Izaiyoi with all his heart, and he loved you just as much."

"And Sesshomaru?" Inuyasha asked after another moment of silence. "Why was Sesshomaru exiled?"

"Ah, so you've heard… Yes, I'd imagine he wouldn't tell you… Your brother was accused of treason."

"I know that, but for what?"

"For not helping your father."

"Eh?" Inuyasha looked slightly confused and Myoga elaborated.

"When your father continued on to save you mother, Sesshomaru didn't go to help, as his duty dictated he should. When word got back to the palace, he was brought up on charges of treason. I suppose he was so distraught over your father's death to fight the accusation, or maybe he felt the same, but he was found guilty."

"Sesshomaru just told me that people found guilty of treason are put to death."

Myoga was quiet and just when Inuyasha was about to dismiss everything as one of his lies, he spoke up.

"Have you ever been in a situation where you've gotten someone really angry with you and you're expecting to be hit, but they don't?"

"Yeah," Inuyasha said, thinking of Kagome and just before with Sesshomaru. Since when does Sesshomaru not hit back?

"Well, some times it hurts more when you're not hit. You see, Sesshomaru's lived his life in shame everyday since then, wandering around with no reason to live. Frankly, I'm surprised that he's still alive."

He needed to get away, he needed to think. What was wrong with him? Why did he lose control like that? Running through the palace, Sesshomaru headed for a garden towards the back that he had often gone to as a child. Coming to a stop among its bushes and flowers, he stood by a pool of koi. Trying to calm himself, Sesshomaru stared at the full moon's reflection in the water, attempting to fight the tides of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him.

How could Inuyasha say something like that? Forget about how it insulted him, or anyone at the palace Inuyasha would be living at, but it insulted Chichiue. Inuyasha was so selfish, so ungrateful; he'd never understand. Chichiue sacrificed his life for an insignificant human infatuation and the offspring it produced. He didn't even know Inuyasha and he gave his life for him. Chichiue threw away his life for an unknown child, when he had so much else. Why couldn't he… Why couldn't he…

"Why couldn't he live for me?" Sesshomaru whispered, his face upturned toward the moon. A single tear ran down his face and it was quickly wiped away.

Upon returning to his room that night, Sesshomaru found a note on his futon. He quickly unfolded the little triangle of paper and immediately recognized Ochiba's flowing cursive. It read:

Taro and Jiro will be returning from a visit to the Southern province in two days. –Ochiba

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A cliffie! Ha! Sesshomaru sheds a tear! His unbreakable mask is crumbling, how long can he keep it together?


	7. Organization

Chapter up! When I re-wrote the last chapter, I actually forgot to include something very important to the plot! Brillant, right? ; Thankfully, I was able to fit it right in to this chapter.

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Sesshomaru could remember from his childhood many things, but one thing always stood out sharply in his memory: his father was almost always busy. He had been told that ruling was very difficult and time consuming; his father loved his people and tried his hardest to rule justly. He, Sesshomaru, shouldn't whine or complain about his absence because his work was very important. People needed him to guide them or they would fall to chaos. Sesshomaru knew now that particular explanation was a very poetic one meant to hopefully ease a child's longings for his father, but no one was lying when they said it was time consuming.

Sesshomaru awoke before the sun the next morning and spent the first few minutes of the day meditating. After that, he had no time for himself. He appointed people he knew to be loyal to the positions emptied by the purging. He revoked some of the ridiculous laws created after his father's death, (slightly angered yet not surprised that most were created solely by his mother, with some assistance by Hachi and Fujiyu), and he forged new ones. He began the daunting task of reorganizing the tax system. After finding his favorite library in disarray bordering on ruin, he appointed people whose only responsibilities were to keep the library in order and to care for the scrolls, some of which were very old. Taking a tour of the palace, he ordered renovations on several rooms and set gardeners on the less tame of the walkways and gardens. He reviewed the military and watched them run drills; the commanders swore loyalty to him, and in turn the soldiers lower than them were Sesshomaru's as well. Not that he doubted his own combat abilities, but somehow having a fighting force of over ten thousand men made him feel more secure in this new but so familiar environment. Everything looked so different from the view of a ruler.

Ochiba joined the demon lord for a light lunch, and Sesshomaru knew he had to bring up that which he would have rather avoided.

"Taro and Jiro return tomorrow," he said abruptly, looking at his tea rather than the proud woman across from him.

"Indeed," she replied. "I imagine they will be surprised to hear that you've come back. After all, your mother died so suddenly, and then, another surprise, you've taken over in what? Two days?"

"My mother left the throne to very incapable people who would have abused their power. I had to stop that," Sesshomaru answered, an uneasy feeling creeping over him.

"I see. She was the only person preventing your return," Ochiba murmured with downcast eyes that flickered up to meet her husband's.

"She did not prevent my return in any way," he said sharply, meeting her gaze directly.

"Of course; my apologies. How foolish of me to think that the one who charged you with treason and had you exiled could have prevented your return. Funny, though, how you did return right after she-"

"Why were they in the Southern province?" Sesshomaru asked, forcing the conversation back to its original course. Damn. Ochiba wasn't stupid; she knew. Depending on what exactly it was she knew, he could find himself in a bad situation. For now, he'd have to ignore it.

"Diplomatic ventures. Unfortunately, they were largely unsuccessful. Everything is the same as it was before they left," she informed him. A few moments of silence allowed the tension in the room to increase.

"A quiet meeting to discuss their attempts; I'd like to know why such measures were necessary." He realized that the statement made him seem slightly angered, but he made no move to correct it.

"You, of course, have full permission to join us," he said, noticing the way she was looking at him. "If you would like."

"I would like it very much."

The tension mounted again and the silence stretched on. Sesshomaru attempted to avoid thinking about Taro and Jiro, but found he could think of nothing else at the moment. He hated to admit it, but the two made him feel awkward. He was never quite sure what to say to them.

"Rin-san was teased earlier today."

"What?" His attention snapped back to the present. "Who did it?"

"I'm not sure. Apparently they were mocking her for her lack of manners and her humanity."

Sesshomaru felt anger stir in him, like someone stoking hot coals. How dare they! He suppressed the urge to growl.

"My lord, perhaps I can be of service here? I could teach her formal, proper court etiquette. The teasing would abate if she knew how to act properly." Ochiba's expression was one of a desire to help, but Sesshomaru paused. This was an act, he was certain. It was such a sudden shift in feelings toward his R- He mentally shook himself. A sudden shift in feelings towards Rin. He doubted that they were genuine. Still, he knew she had trapped him. If he said yes, then who knew if Rin would be any better off? But if he said no, it sent the message that he didn't care that Rin was teased (which couldn't be farther from the truth), and that he didn't trust Ochiba to teach. Both would be bad; he would have to risk the former, especially if Ochiba knew enough about what she had hinted at earlier.

"That would be very helpful," Sesshomaru told her, hiding his uncertainty behind his mask, an unreadable face. Ochiba thanked him for the honor, and something in her voice strengthened his suspicions about both Rin and her knowledge.

He dismissed her then, calling for a servant to fetch Inuyasha and his wife. They would need instruction as well; he had prepared the details of their education earlier while reviewing the teachers at the palace. A servant cleared away the remains of his meal, and just as he finished preparing his writing instruments, Inuyasha and Kagome entered.

They sat next to each other, and they both carried the faint scent of having bathed recently. Inuyasha looked the same, still in his red hakama and haori, but Kagome had been transformed. No longer did a teenage high schooler from some distant future sit before Sesshomaru, but a beautiful young woman of the present. She wore a two layer kimono due to the heat, and her face was properly powered and her lips and eyes were drawn. Her hair had been twisted up into a tight bun on the top of her head and it had the soft sheen of being treated properly. Sesshomaru could tell by the way she sat that her new outfit made her uncomfortable, but she would get used to it soon.

"Inuyasha, Lady Kagome," Sesshomaru greeted them, forgoing the formal title for his brother, but keeping it for his wife. He noted that the title made her seem uncomfortable as well; another thing she would have to get used to.

"Are you adjusting well to your new life?" He knew the sheer formality of the room intimidated them, and he wanted to see how they would react. Better see it here and correct any errors than to hope for the best and have them mess up in front of the Court.

"It's… very different," Kagome said with a slight smile.

"It's weird," Inuyasha said outright. "Everyone's bowing and being so damn polite and offering to take care of our tiniest desire. It makes me sick!"

"Why is that?" Sesshomaru questioned.

"Because it's obvious that they hate us! They wrinkle their noses when they think I'm not looking; I can feel their disgust! Yet they act like they would do anything for us! It's so fake!"

"They would do anything for you. It's their duty to serve you as best as possible. Their personal feelings are irrelevant."

"So you agree that they hate us?" Inuyasha asked scornfully.

"There will be some who harbor ill feelings towards you simply of what you are. They think you're inferior, and until you prove them wrong, they'll believe that. I would have thought you would be used to that by now, Inuyasha," Sesshomaru told him, finding himself irritated by Inuyasha's complaint.

"Just because it might happen all the time doesn't mean that he's used to it! A person never gets used to being treated that way," Kagome said strongly, glaring at Sesshomaru. "Don't be so arrogant; you still give Inuyasha garbage all the time."

"Lady, I'm certain my brother is more than capable of defending himself. He doesn't need a human woman to do it for him," Sesshomaru responded curtly.

"Is this all you wanted to talk about, Sesshomaru? Because if that's it, I'd like to leave now." Inuyasha started to rise.

Sesshomaru bristled at the disrespect. "No, the subject of your education still needs to be addressed. Sit down."

"What education?" Inuyasha demanded.

"My point exactly."

Sesshomaru turned his attention to Kagome. "You, I presume, can read and write, am I correct?" He received an affirmative and so continued. "Please detail the extent of your education."

She began listing classes, ticking them off on her fingers. Sesshomaru recognized most of them, like history and literature, but some things, like calculus and 'French', had him lost. He didn't mention his lack of understanding, but he did, however, question her about the subjects he was acquainted with.

"Well," he began after she had finished, "your courses might have helped you in your own time, but they are hardly sufficient for this era. You need instruction in Court etiquette, and calligraphy,-" He had her demonstrate during his questioning and had found her skills to be lacking. "Your knowledge of human history and literature is worthless; you'll need to learn them properly, and you should know how to play at least one instrument. These will make you decently well-rounded." He stopped and Kagome looked rather overwhelmed. Inuyasha snickered at her.

"Don't laugh, Inuyasha; I have a feeling you will be worse off."

Sesshomaru was right. He was dismayed to learn that Inuyasha was illiterate, although he had been expecting as much, which meant that the half-demon obviously had little to no grasp of literature. His knowledge of history was pathetic, and Sesshomaru couldn't believe that Inuyasha didn't even know how many provinces Japan had.

"Ready for your list, little brother?"

Sulking, Inuyasha nodded.

"Very well. First, you need to learn how to read and write. I've never heard of prince that didn't even know how to write his own name. You will be joining your wife in Court etiquette, calligraphy, history, literature, and instrumental instruction. Because you are a prince, you need lessons in law, political science, and war, so you'll at least have a faint idea of what other people are talking about. I'd also like you to learn unarmed combat skills, because, frankly, if you take away the Tetsusaiga, you're powerless." Inuyasha opened his mouth to object but Sesshomaru didn't give him the chance. "I know your demon blood rises in that situation, but then you can't even think straight; I'd like you to learn how to control that. Training for unarmed combat will, hopefully help that."

Inuyasha was effectively silenced; Kagome, however, had one thing to point out.

"Um, Sesshomaru?"

He looked at her.

"Inuyasha and I aren't married."

Sesshomaru sat there for a few moments, stunned. They weren't married? This was disastrous. Kagome had just done a fine job of endangering her life more than it already was. No one would tolerate her presence if she was just some human. She had to be Inuyasha's wife! And their children; bastard children had no claim to anything. They couldn't be considered Inuyasha's heirs. If anyone found out about this, Kagome and her children were as good as dead, and he and Inuyasha would be publicly disgraced. Sesshomaru could see his entire plan crumbling into dust.

"Sesshomaru?"

He looked at Inuyasha.

"How could you do this?" he asked faintly.

"What?"

Sesshomaru shook himself. "You and Kagome aren't married?"

"Yeah, what of it?"

"Why not?" Sesshomaru demanded. Inuyasha looked taken aback.

"Well, none of the shrines around here would because I'm half-demon. They all though I'd kill them or had bewitched Kagome or some other such bullshit," Inuyasha explained.

"And you never thought to have Kagome's grandfather perform the service?" he snapped. Damn it; get a hold of yourself, Sesshomaru!

"What's wrong?" Kagome pressed.

Sesshomaru took a deep breath. "I brought you here under the assumption that you were married," he said, hoping no one else would over hear anything. "Without that tie to Inuyasha, Kagome, if anyone brought this to public attention, you and your children would probably be assassinated before night fall."

"What!" they both cried in unison.

"My people, this is sudden for them." Sesshomaru sought for the words to explain, angry at his unexpected ineloquence. "Some only tolerate you because you are, in their eyes, Inuyasha's wife, which places you higher than them. Without that advantage, many would plan to kill you because you are a severe breach of tradition and unworthy to be here because you are human. Your children are bastards; they aren't considered Inuyasha's heirs, so they would be killed as well because of their mixed blood."

"This is why you demons are so fucked up," Inuyasha spat. "You think you have a right to control everything; you think you're better than everyone else! I don't care if we aren't married; I'll take on anyone who tries to hurt Kagome!"

"Be silent, Inuyasha. You aren't help anything," Sesshomaru commanded, unable to keep the irritation from his voice any longer.

"And you!" Inuyasha whirled on his brother, now out right shouting. "This is all your damn fault! You think you can control everything too! But you can't; this only proves it. I'm sorry if we caused a problem in your plans, but we never asked to be a part of them!"

"That's enough, Inuyasha. Sit down," Sesshomaru growled. Get a hold of yourself, his mind repeated over and over again in a strange mantra.

"I don't care what your stupid Court rules are! I don't care what everybody else thinks! If they try to hurt Kagome, I'll take them all on! I beat all their stupid stuck up demon as-"

"I said 'enough'!" Sesshomaru shouted, lunging at Inuyasha and punching him to the floor. The mantra within his mind exploded to a new intensity, louder and more persistent.

Inuyasha scrambled to his feet, launching himself at his brother, who nimbly stepped to the side. Kagome fled to a corner, shouting for them to stop, and being ignored as usual. Claws outstretched, Inuyasha charged his brother, who jumped out of the way. Sesshomaru twisted in midair to avoid Inuyasha's upward swipe, and landed gently. He rushed Inuyasha with his unsurpassable speed and struck him in the chest, sending the half demon crashing through the shoji out into a garden. Sesshomaru leapt after him, touching ground next to Inuyasha, but he was forced to take to the air once more as Inuyasha lash out again. Sesshomaru back flipped and landed on the porch. The mantra in his mind protested his actions loudly, and it seemed to him that it had taken on the sound of his father's voiced. It compelled him to stop, and Sesshomaru listened.

He stood there, quivering with rage, his eyes shut. Part of him wanted to annihilate his brother, that stupid, disrespectful, uneducated, half breed of a mistake. Thankfully, a greater part of him listened to Chichiue's strong voice telling him to stop, to take deep breaths and regain control.

Back on his feet once more, Inuyasha glared at Sesshomaru, tense and ready to fight back. Sesshomaru didn't move; he opened his eyes and slowly let out a breath. He then did something that caused both Inuyasha and Kagome to gape in surprise.

"I apologize, Inuyasha, for doing that," he said quietly out of formality more than anything else.

Sesshomaru walked inside and sat down, leaving a shocked Inuyasha standing. He found himself momentarily amused at his brother's expression.

"We're going to be living together; we might as well learn to treat each other civilly," he muttered.

He dismissed them so he could have a few moments of silence. This was turning out to have more problems than he thought. First Ochiba, then Inuyasha and Kagome's little surprise…

Sesshomaru was slightly startled to find that he had a headache.

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Next chapter: Taro and Jiro arrive! Who are they and do they make Sesshomaru feel so uncomfortable? Cookies if you can guess! (Chittyco, you can_ not_ guess because you know the answer.)


	8. Family Ties

Oh my! Look who got off her lazy arse and posted the next chapter... To be honest, another fanfic (which I hope to post sometime in the future) had me fairly well distracted from this one, but I finished it, so A.L. once again has my full attention. I have part of the next chapter written, so I'm hoping it won't be so long before the next update.

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His headache hadn't subsided by nightfall. Sitting on a rock in the favorite childhood garden, Sesshomaru had finally found the few minutes of quiet solitude he needed. The day had been exhausting. He told himself that things would calm down soon and he desperately hoped he was right; he wasn't sure how long he could keep up this pace. At the very least he supposed he would get used to it. He stared at the pond's waterfall, lost in his solitary thoughts.

He was drawn away from them when his mind informed him that he had picked up Hoshikuzu's scent. His ears perked at the crunch of pebbles underfoot and the rustle of silk. Feeling slightly bothered by the interruption, he continued watching the water, planning to ignore the onmyoji as long possible. Not what he should do, but Sesshomaru didn't want to be disturbed at the moment.

"My lord."

Sesshomaru stifled a sigh and cast a glance backwards.

Hoshikuzu rose from his bow. "The rumor mills are going to wear themselves out if they keep up the pace they're at," he said pleasantly.

"Oh?" Sesshomaru locked eyes with Hoshikuzu for the briefest of seconds before flicking his gaze towards the smaller boulder near him. Hoshikuzu sat there, facing his lord.

"According to rumors, you tried to seduce Prince Inuyasha's wife, laid with your own, and went after your human consort." Hoshikuzu grinned. "You certainly get around, my lord."

Sesshomaru frowned deeply, glaring at the rippling surface of water. "Nothing but rumors, I assure you," he grumbled. Slept with Rin, ha. Even if he wanted to do that, (which he didn't, he told himself firmly,) he hadn't even seen her since yesterday. His glare softened at that thought as sadness brushed him.

"Ah, to be young again. I used to mope at your age too."

It was Hoshikuzu's turn to be glared at.

"I'm not moping."

The onmyoji merely smiled.

"The stars are beautiful tonight," he said after a few minutes of silence.

Sesshomaru obligingly cast his eyes upward. They were beautiful, he decided. He would see Rin tomorrow, he ordered himself. Just to see how she was doing, of course, and to tell her about the studies. The unease at letting Ochiba teach her swelled and died away. It was already done, no point to worry about it now.

Suddenly he was aware that Hoshikuzu was watching him.

"Go-enryo naku (1)," Sesshomaru commanded.

For a moment surprise lit up the onmyoji's face. Then he spoke.

"Your brother isn't married."

"Who knows?" Sesshomaru asked sharply.

"Just I." Sesshomaru relaxed somewhat.

"Would you have them married, my lord?" Hoshikuzu questioned.

"I would, but not now. It's too late for that."

"Dangerous."

"Admitted."

Silence crept in. Sesshomaru felt the crushing weight in his chest that was worry. It had only gotten heavier since he had arrived and he had the feeling that was all it would do. For a moment, he wished he hadn't taken over.

For an even briefer moment, he wished it was over.

Sesshomaru awoke the next morning as early as he had the day before. It was only a few seconds before he remembered: Taro and Jiro would be returning. A sinking feeling grew in his stomach at the very thought, causing him to skip breakfast.

He spent the morning checking that everything was ready for their arrival. This was the first time he had organized a reception; he had a few times when he was younger, but he had help then. This time, there would be no father or mother looking over his shoulder to correct any mistakes.

Everyone had gathered in the Outer Courtyard to welcome back the important demons. No one was in their places yet; not until the sentry had spotted the two would they assemble. Kagome and Inuyasha were watching their children as they discussed their first literature class. From the looks of it, Inuyasha didn't like it.

Sesshomaru lingered in the archway, overlooking the crowd, trying to deny that he was a little nervous. His eyes traveled over the group, not sure of what he was looking for until he saw here. Sending a servant to call her over, Sesshomaru watch as Rin attempted to run up to him, her layered kimono making it difficult.

"Lord Sesshomaru!"

"Rin. How are you?" he asked, placing a hand on her head to curb her enthusiasm.

"Okay," she responded, ducking out from under his hand to look up at him. "This kimono is heavy."

"I know. You can change into something lighter after."

"Who are these people who are coming?" Rin questioned, her tone curious.

"Taro and Jiro. They are very important members of my court," Sesshomaru answered, purposely being vague.

"They are more than that and you know it," said a voice from behind him.

Ochiba stepped up next to her husband, bowing ever so slightly. "Hello, Rin-san," she said pleasantly, flashing a fake smile.

Rin didn't notice. "Good morning, Ochiba-san," she replied happily, bowing deeply.

"Rin, Lady Ochiba has so kindly offered to instruct you in the ways of the Court," Sesshomaru told the child. Worry surged up and drifted back.

"Okay," Rin said, not really understanding.

'With that one statement,' Sesshomaru thought grimly, 'I might have just sent Rin to hell.' He noticed Ochiba's smile; it did nothing to sooth his worry.

A servant hurried over and informed them that Taro and Jiro would be at the palace in a few minutes. Everyone settled down and took their places.

Their presence was announced and Sesshomaru took a deep breath. The gates swung open and two riders, plus their guard, rode in.

Taro and Jiro dismounted and bowed low in front of the royal family, their manners perfect. When they stood, Sesshomaru was grateful that he could remember who had what markings, for the two were almost identical twins. They wore their white hair long as all dog demons did, and their dazzling golden eyes shined with intelligence in the bright mid-morning sunlight. Their outfits, similar to Sesshomaru's, differed only by color, Taro's being dark blue and Jiro's being pale green. The jagged blue strips on their cheeks, markings all males had, were also different: Taro had two on his left cheek and one on his right; Jiro had three on his right and one on his left. The two also still bore the crescent of childhood, a mark that would fade from an inuyokai male when they had completed the Coming-of-Age challenge and ceremony set up by their father. Sesshomaru guiltily thought of his own crescent moon mark; his would never fade. His father had died before he could arrange Sesshomaru's Coming-of-Age challenge.

"Welcome back, Prince Taro, Prince Jiro. It is good to see you, after so many years," Sesshomaru said.

"It is good to see you too, Father," they said in unison.

Inuyasha looked stunned.

"My half-brother, Prince Inuyasha, and his wife, Lady Kagome." Sesshomaru introduced them. "My sons; Taro, my eldest, and Jiro, my second-born." They bowed politely and Inuyasha managed to close his mouth. "My consort, Lady Rin."

The two princes looked to Rin and surprise flit across their features. Their father, take a human as a consort? Their earliest memories of their father were of him glaring at Ningen Hime, or of him speaking of how ridiculous his own father, their grandfather, was for taking Ningen Hime as a consort in the first place. Confused, they glanced at their mother.

Sesshomaru noticed. He too glanced at Ochiba and saw her smile slightly at the two children, as if she was a loving goddess leading lost souls. At once, Sesshomaru realized that his absence in his children's lives had caused them to rely entirely on their mother for guidance. They would hold her word higher than his own. That worried him.

Introductions and greetings were finished; Inuyasha and Kagome went back to their lessons and Rin went off to play somewhere. Sesshomaru and his family went back to his room for tea and a light meal.

In the presence of their parents, the boys relaxed somewhat, although still formal. Somehow, Sesshomaru felt that they would be much more relaxed if he wasn't there. However, the conversation wasn't as awkward as he expected; formality saved all of them from uncomfortable silences as they discussed the princes' training in the fighting art and other subjects, and their trip to the Southern province. It was in situations like this that caused Sesshomaru to love formality; it allowed for no uneasy silences or improper comments, everything was strictly ritualized with respectable responses to others so that people wouldn't be hurt or insulted (in theory, at least.) To step outside the clearly marked boundaries was inexcusable and highly frowned upon.

Yes, formality saved them all from uncomfortable silence until Jiro, the quieter, more reserved of the two, finally spoke up and crossed that boundary.

"Forgive me if this is out of line Father, but… How did you lose your arm?"

Sesshomaru prayed his face hadn't betrayed the embarrassment he felt burn inside him.

"Indeed, I have been wondering the same thing," Ochiba said silkily. "Please, tell us."

Sesshomaru felt hatred towards Ochiba; she knew damn well how. Meeting first Jiro's eyes, then Taro's, he decided he'd rather tell them himself than have Ochiba do it later.

Lowering his gaze, he spoke. "Inuyasha managed to unleash Tetsusaiga's power. He took my left arm."

While Sesshomaru's eyes were fixed on the tea cup, Ochiba smirked. Her second triumph.

Sesshomaru spent the rest of the day wading through tax laws with assistants from the Bureau of Treasury, revoking, rewriting, and generally trying to make sense of it. By sunset he was sick of it. Recalling his promise to see Rin, he headed to her room, wondering how lonely she was.

Naturally, he was surprised to find that she wasn't alone at all.

"Good evening, my lord," Hoshikuzu greeted from his seat on the floor.

Sesshomaru glared. "Why are you here?" he growled. The tax system left him in a bad mood; he was hoping for a relatively quiet time with Rin.

"I got lost trying to get back to my room after the lesson with Ochiba-san. Hoshikuzu-san showed me the way back," Rin said. "He's really nice; he told me about lots of stuff."

"Did he now?" Sesshomaru muttered, giving the onmyoji a sideways glance as he knelt down on the tatami near them.

"Yeah," Rin continued, happy that Sesshomaru was interested. "He told me about how, when you were little, you used to play tricks on Ochiba-san with her brother, like leaving stuff on the floors for her kimono to trail through."

"I see…" Sesshomaru grumbled, shooting Hoshikuzu a sharp look. Hoping to change the subject, he continued. "How were your lessons with Lady Ochiba?"

"Kinda hard. There's a lot to remember," she said solemnly.

"I'm sure you'll do just fine," Hoshikuzu said encouragingly. "Lord Sesshomaru used to forget Court etiquette from time to time too. I remember one time-"

"That's quite enough, Hoshikuzu-san," Sesshomaru said quickly. No need for Rin to hear about any of that.

The older demon smiled. "Well, I have star charts to consult, so if you would excuse me, Lord Sesshomaru, Lady Rin." He bowed himself out, leaving Rin to question her lord.

"Sesshomaru-sama, did you really dump ink in Ochiba-san's hair when she called you a half-wit?"

Sesshomaru looked at the ceiling. 'I'll get you for this,' he promised the onmyoji silently.

"That is no concern of yours. So what sort of things has Ochiba taught you so far?"

"She taught me how to bow right." She jumped up and demonstrated, head bowed, hands palm against her legs. "Is it good?" Sesshomaru nodded and Rin sat back down, satisfied.

"What else?"

"She showed me a couple 'dining manners', but I didn't have much time to practices those yet… Oh! She also told me what her duties were as your wife, and what my duties were as your consort."

Sesshomaru suppressed a scowl. Ochiba probably made it very clear to Rin that her social standing was so much higher than the girl's. Wait, duties? No, Ochiba wouldn't have…

"Sesshomaru-sama, how exactly does a person 'pleasure' someone? Ochiba says that's what consorts do, but I'm not sure how."

The demon lord decided that the next time he spoke with Ochiba, he would be very, very clear about what she was to teach Rin, and what she was not to teach Rin.

"She also said she would teach me how to play the shamisen. She said you used to play the shamisen together with her sometimes," Rin said, looking to her lord for a confirmation.

"I did, but that was a long time ago," Sesshomaru said, a somber note slipping into his voice for the briefest of moments. Ochiba was brilliant with a shamisen, second only to Sesshomaru if one excluded the professional court musicians. But a person needed both hands to play, so Sesshomaru hadn't touched a shamisen in many years. He would admit that he missed it somewhat. Those nights when he would play against Ochiba, competing with her, were really the only times they didn't feel the resentment hover in the air between them.

Sesshomaru was jolted out of his memory as Rin, who he hadn't noticed moving, wrapped her arms around him.

"It's alright; I'll learn to play beautifully for the both of us," she whispered in his ear.

Sesshomaru was taken back. Rin was never this bold, or this… mature sounding. Not quite sure of what to do, he gently pushed Rin back and the girl reluctantly let go, resuming her seat across from him. She smiled, innocent and carefree once more, and Sesshomaru had to wonder if he only imagined her moment of maturity.

"Well Rin, I need to go. Get a good night's rest; learning the shamisen can be difficult," he said, rising to leave.

Rin smiled as her lord left, but once he was out of the room, her smile slipped to the floor and shattered.

---

1)Go-enryo naku: It basically means 'Don't hold back', i.e.'Tell mewhat you'dlike to say,but wouldn't usually because youfeel that it would be rude/out-of-place/disrespectful beacuase I have a highersocial position then you.'

And cookies to Chedder, who got it right on the bloody dot! (With Taro and Jiro, whose names mean 'first son' and 'second son'.)Did I make it too easy? ;


	9. By the Light of the Moon

New chapter!You will findbothromance and angst in this chapter. I don't even know how I managed that... Tell me if the mixture came out alright.

---

Things progressed quickly. The palace settled down after a week or two; people became accustomed to their new ruler and most gave the others he brought with him an indifferent attitude. Sesshomaru got his wish of a calmer work pace as palace activities slowed, but that was only due to the sweltering summer heat that nestled over the city, making everyone miserable. As government duties wilted in the heat, Sesshomaru found that he had more free time.

At first he spent some of it watching Inuyasha and Kagome as they learned about court life (they were the ones who had him most worried about their transition), but Kagome complained that his presence made her self-conscious and Inuyasha didn't want Sesshomaru seeing him screw up, so he stopped overseeing their classes. He knew that he couldn't observe Rin's lessons because, once again, the 'not trusting Ochiba' factor came into play; therefore, he arranged to have an audience with Rin and Ochiba at the end of every week, to review what Rin had learned and have her demonstrate. It made him feel a little better, as if his vigilant activities would deter Ochiba from being cruel. He didn't have any proof that Ochiba was being cruel, but he wasn't about to take any greater chances than he had already. He also invited Taro and Jiro to demonstrate at the audiences too in an attempt to draw away any suspicion. But apart from that, palace life went on, the ceremonies of the everyday were cared out, and nothing seemed incredibly wrong with anything.

Except for the teasing. Ochiba's prediction that the teasing would stop if Rin was tutored didn't come true; if anything, she was mocked even more. Sesshomaru could recall, strongly, the image of Rin kneeling on the floor, sobbing. Two of the noblewomen, presumably, had locked her into a roofed passage between buildings, so Rin couldn't get to where she was going, and couldn't go back to where she came. Sesshomaru had let Rin hug him, crying into his stomach; such flames of anger flared inside him as he stood there. He wondered if that was the way Chichiue felt when Ningen Hime had been teased. It wasn't, he was quick to assure himself, because Chichiue felt differently about Ningen Hime than he did about Rin. Right?

The anger from the teasing aside, the only things Sesshomaru felt were occasional annoyance at a little problem or disturbance, and boredom, which didn't help his restlessness. So when it was announced that Jimatsu would be returning from a trip to the Continent, he was relived to have something to look forward to. At least, he hoped he would have something to look forward to. He hadn't seen Jimatsu in years, and he didn't know if the demon had changed any. Not that he would tell anyone, but Sesshomaru felt secretly guilty that he hadn't thought of Jimatsu until Ochiba mentioned him. That's not the way to remember a… Sesshomaru was surprised he could say it. Not the way to remember a friend.

Even though Sesshomaru was Jimatsu's future lord, it didn't deter Jimatsu from befriending the prince. In fact, the very idea that Sesshomaru was higher than him and therefore, theoretically, unobtainable, was what first encouraged Jimatsu's amicable advances. Sesshomaru was, originally, distrustful of Jimatsu, convinced that the boy was looking to gain something from the friendship. However, as they got to know each other, Sesshomaru learned to trust his only friend, and Jimatsu saw past Sesshomaru's rank and came to love him for who he was. Together, they created minor disturbances, bothered servants, teased Ochiba, explored the palace and the city, and generally acted like boys. But through it all, Sesshomaru was mindful to never do anything extreme enough for his parents to be notified, for above all else, the child craved their praise and longed to please them.

It was a full moon again, the night before Jimatsu would arrive back at the palace. Sesshomaru had arranged a small moon viewing party at one of the large lush gardens in the palace grounds, and Ochiba, Taro, Jiro, Inuyasha, Kagome, and himself were there. Sesshomaru had, of course, invited Rin, but Ochiba had told him that she had taught Rin a new dance that day and the poor girl was simply too exhausted. Sesshomaru would have bet that Ochiba had watched the girl like a hawk; correcting the smallest mistake and having Rin do it over again until she could barely stand up. Then again, he could just be jumping to accusations.

There was a festive mood in the air as the group sat in the moon's silver light, drinking sake and talking. Inuyasha and Kagome missed most of the jokes because they still weren't familiar enough with the intricacies of court life to catching anything amusing, but they managed to follow and contribute to conversation well enough. Fireflies flit about them and the warm summer night added to the relaxed feeling the whole thing actually had, much to Sesshomaru's surprise. He had expected there to be problems between demons and the half-demon and his (not legal) wife, but as the night wore on and no arguments arose, Sesshomaru wasn't complaining.

As the swollen silver moon slowly ascended, Ochiba sent for her shamisen. Forgoing the plectrum, she plucked at the strings with her gilded nails, encouraging them to choose songs for her to play. Taro requested a quick paced song and gave everyone present the strong urge to dance, and after Kagome asked for a traditional song Sesshomaru didn't realize she knew.

"My lord, I would be honored if you would choose a ko-uta," Ochiba encouraged when Kagome's song was done.

"I can think of none that fit the occasion," he said, which was a lie. Ochiba pouted and he wondered what had prompted him to do that.

Choosing a song herself, Ochiba sang along with it, her voice rising and falling beautifully. She sung of a wife who felt slighted by her husband because he was giving more attention to a courtesan than her. Sesshomaru was too entranced by the song to consider that she might be referring to someone.

She followed it up with another love song and just as she ended, a howl spilt the calm night air like a knife.

Sesshomaru froze, the hair on the back of his neck prickling and goose bumps erupting across his skin. That sound… Chills swept through him. It was primal, ancient, commanding; the sound was from before his kind had learned to take on a humanoid form to help avoid detection. It stirred up strong and powerful feelings in Sesshomaru that were equally ancient.

The howl subsided and Sesshomaru looked at the others. By their faces he could tell that Taro and Jiro had the same reaction, and Inuyasha too, even though he probably didn't know why. Kagome just looked confused and slightly disturbed, while Ochiba had an amused smile.

"It seems some new-found virgin girl has yet to discover how to control her urges," she mused, plucking her shamisen idly.

Sesshomaru remember that this was another reason why he liked winter over summer. In the summer, girls who had their first blood are struck with the overwhelming desire to mate. Before they had adopted their human forms, the women would howl to tell males that they were ready and willing. Now and days, it was only the ones newest to having their monthly blood who would howl during their first summer, the older women having managed to curb the primordial urge. It was regarded as a sign of maturity among the women now, to be able to resist the temptation.

Sesshomaru could remember Ochiba's first summer, how her call had drawn him to her. What a ridiculous infatuation. She was given him that same look now, he knew, but didn't do anything about it, choosing to sit there and attempt to ignore the howling. He noticed that Inuyasha looked rather uncomfortable and more than slightly embarrassed; the calls could catch people off guard, especially if one wasn't used to them, and they seem to have struck Inuyasha full force. Sesshomaru sighed; he'd probably have to explain to Inuyasha why that happened at a later date.

Of course, all those years away from the palace had worn away Sesshomaru's immunity to the calls; the howls seemed to signal an end to the party and as he walked away he was also uncomfortable, along with being slightly drunk. Not really focusing on where he was going, he was dumbfounded to find himself in Rin's room sudden. Not really knowing why, he quietly knelt next to the sleeping girl, watching her as a strange sensation flooded through his body. It was as if his actions weren't his own, some other force, not entirely unwelcome, control his body, pulling strings that caused him to reach out and gently caress her smooth cheek.

Rin's eyes fluttered open and focused on Sesshomaru, the moonlight making her beautifully pale and causing her eyes to shine like stars. Chills again and Sesshomaru leaned forward, only half aware of what he was doing. His lips pressed against hers and he was electrified; his tongue slipped out and licked lightly; Rin's mouth opened and Sesshomaru delved deeper. From the recess of his memory he recalled that Rin had her first blood already, he had smelt it cling to her like a cloak of womanhood on that first day, and every time thereafter.

He realized suddenly what he was going to do, and to his shock, he didn't care.

Sesshomaru was awoken before dawn by a rooster's crow, of all things. Squeezing his eyes shut in annoyance, he listened irritably. Since when did a rooster live any where near his chambers?

Silken skin brushed against his naked leg and he remembered with a jolt that he wasn't in his chambers, his eyes snapping open.

Shit.

He sat up and the quilt slid down, exposing his bare chest to the cool morning air. Rin slept peacefully beside him, her likewise nude body completely hidden except for one pale shoulder. His hand covered his face; breathe, he told himself, as the pervious night's events flooded back.

Staring past his hand at the blankets, he tried to make sense of things. Why did he do that? He didn't like Rin, he didn't! He wouldn't make the same mistake as his father! He didn't like Rin, he didn't like Rin. Even as he thought this a voice within him tsked quietly. You still don't understand, do you? it told him; you're still denying it. You know damn well that you like-

"No," Sesshomaru whispered. He knew it was impossible. He saw the scars on his wrists, he knew of the marks on his face. A reminder, he couldn't love. He didn't have the capacity, it was beyond him. There was only duty, honor… A memory flooded in and swept Sesshomaru away.

_The boy had gotten up early, dressed in his finest clothes and was currently wandering the palace. Lunch would be soon, and he was more than slightly disappointed. Today was his birthday, but so far he hadn't heard a word about all day. He supposed a personal birthday didn't mean much, since ever one celebrated a communal birthday at New Year's. Still, Chichiue would have said something, he was certain, but Chichiue wasn't here right now; he was in the east, fighting the Panther tribe. He angrily thought of what the kitchen girl, Miyu, had earlier when he had snitched food: 'You know why your dad's not here? He doesn't want to be around such a stupid spoiled brat. He doesn't love you at all.' Sesshomaru had almost hit her, but then remembered that fighting with servants was both demeaning to him and a waste of time. If he really felt like it, he could have her flogged later, but lucky for her he didn't bother._

_He was bored actually. He had finished his morning lessons and didn't have anything to do. Jimatsu wasn't there to talk to either. His mother had taken him and his sister to Mount Hiei shrine to pray for his father's safe return. He had prayed a few days ago, but not for Chichiue's safe return. He had full confidence that Chichiue wouldn't be hurt; he prayed that Chichiue would come home soon and that he would be able to please him with what a good job he had done with watching the palace while he was gone. 'Be a good boy while I'm away. Don't get into too much trouble, and make sure the palace runs nice and smoothly.'_

_Meandering through a garden, he saw his mother and Lady Kumoi talking, their fans waving lazily in front of them. Suddenly he remembered that he wanted to ask her something._

"_Mother!" he shouted, running over._

_Her eyes fell upon him immediately, stern and commanding; he dropped to his knees instantly, bowing his head as etiquette took over automatically._

"_Good morning, Mother. Good morning, Lady Kumoi," he called respectfully. "The weather is wonderful today, is it not?"_

"_Unlike your manners," Ainiueru said, and he bit his lip._

_He rose and approached them, careful to remember his manners this time._

"_Mother, I would like to ask you something." He glanced at Lady Kumoi. "May we speak in private?"_

_Lady Kumoi left and he took her place. Now that he had the opportunity to ask, he felt very self conscious. He looked at the ground intently, afraid to meet his mother's eyes. _

"_What is it, Sesshomaru? You don't sit there tongue tied after having sent someone away just so you could speak," Ainiueru said, clearly annoyed. _

"_Do…"_

"_Speak."_

_He took a breath. "Do you love me?"_

_Silence. A strange feeling that made him uncomfortable weighed down the very air, but his desperate hope pushed against it stubbornly, anxiously. Ainiueru got up and stood in front of her son. No longer able to hold back, he looked up at her._

_Whack!_

_His head snapped to the side, his eyes wide with shock and pain. _

_Thwack!_

_His head faced the opposite direction._

"_In all my years, I have never heard you ask a stupider question," Ainiueru spat. "Who put this worthless idea into your head? I'll tell you now: Love doesn't exist. The very word didn't exist until the Christians brought it here. Duty, honor; those things are true and worth while."_

_The young prince stared at his mother with tear-rimmed eyes. "But, Chichiue-" _

"_Lies through his teeth!" The bitter woman hissed. "He doesn't love anything. Not me, and not certainly not you. If you are a good son, a perfect son, he will be pleased with you and look on you with pride. Continue on this path of mischief make you have embarked on as of late, and nothing will come of you. He will ignore you more than he already does. It's time you grew up and learned the harsh realities of this impertinent world!" _

_With that, she grabbed the child by the wrist and yanked him to his feet, cutting deep gashes up his arms in doing so. _

"_Go!" Ainiueru shoved him forward, now shrieking in rage. "Take your weakling tears and idiotic ideas and get out of my sight!"_

_The boy ran, stumbling, blinded by tears; he didn't have a destination, he just ran from that biting voice, the sting of those claws. The small child ran through the palace, tears streaming down his face, mingling with the blood from the cuts._

"Love doesn't exist," Sesshomaru whispered, strangely calmed.

He had woken up the morning after that encounter to find a horrible surprise. His wounds had scarred. Not only that, but he had seen his mother's magenta poison shine before she struck. He was immune to it, but that hadn't stopped it from dying his skin. He now had two magenta scars running up his forearms and the marks on his face, once light blue and jagged like his father's, were smooth edged and magenta. He had told himself then that he would never forget that love didn't exist, and he promised himself that he would never fall in love.

But as Sesshomaru stared down at Rin, he realized that he had broken his promise.

---

Eh heh heh... Now the realtrouble starts. (If things haven't been bad enough already...)


	10. Reunion

It's been almost a month now, hasn't it? Heh... Well, here's the update. I've decided that footnotes are distracting while reading, so I'll just exlpain everything at the bottom. Also, I'd like to know what everyone thinks. I have a few of you whoreview frequently review, and for that I am very thankful, but what about the rest of you? (And here I am, of course, presuming that there are actually more of you.) Tell me what you think!

---

Sesshomaru managed to get dressed and leave the room without waking Rin up, although the whole thing took a lot more muttered curses than he would have liked. He headed towards his room as quickly as possible, getting as close to running as dignity would allow. However, unbeknownst to him, a pair of eyes watched from the shadows.

To the members of Court, Sesshomaru appear the same as always, albeit quieter than he usually was. But behind his mask of usual detachment, his thoughts and morals were a waging a war like likes of which Sesshomaru had never seen before. What to do about Rin, what to do with Rin, what to do if Ochiba finds out, no, when she finds out. What about the Court, he was still fairly new to them, would they tolerate it, would they, could they drive him out. They grudgingly accepted Chichiue, but they knew and trusted him and Sesshomaru wasn't sure, he knew he didn't have the same status. If push came to shove, what would happen to Rin? He had a hard time focusing on overseeing the preparations for Jimatsu's arrival.

Inuyasha watched his brother warily. He knew something was wrong, even if Kagome thought he was imaging things. Last time Inuyasha got the feeling something wasn't right, they almost got killed; he wasn't going to take any chances. He'd figure out what was going on.

But he could find no leads. After scrutinizing Sesshomaru's every move, looking for something that could clue him in and finding nothing, he turned to asking servants. Inuyasha had quickly learned that servants knew plenty of what went on within the palace walls, and even outside it, if you had the right connections. Yet even that turned up nothing useful. Most servants hadn't seen Sesshomaru last night, and the few Inuyasha knew were lying were only trying to hide the fact that they were slacking off, hence the reason they saw nothing.

"You seem discouraged, Prince Inuyasha."

He turned. Hoshikuzu stood behind him; he bowed to the half demon and he returned it quickly.

"You're that onmyoji guy, right? How come I don't see you around much?"

"Our duties tend to keep us to separate areas of the palace," he explained, smiling pleasantly. "What has you so bothered?"

"Sesshomaru. He's hiding something; there's something wrong," Inuyasha answered without thinking. He realized his abruptness and immediately prepared for possible damage control, a ready excuse already forming on his tongue.

"It's alright," Hoshikuzu said, noting the look on the prince's face. "Will you join me for tea? I'd be honored." He gestured down the hall.

Inuyasha had a feeling Hoshikuzu knew something. "Sure, why not?"

Neither of them spoke as the water heated and the onmyoji prepared the tea. Inuyasha wasn't sure why they were so silent, but for whatever reason it seemed strangely appropriate, so he stayed quiet. When the tea was ready, Inuyasha automatically held up his tea cup as Hoshikuzu poured, then they switched.

"Your manners have improved greatly," Hoshikuzu murmured, sipping the hot liquid. Noting Inuyasha's confused expression, he explained. "The tea; a few weeks ago you wouldn't have known what to do."

"Feh…" Inuyasha looked at his tea before drinking some. "I guess that's what happens when you live at a palace for a few weeks." There was a hint of sadness in his voice. 'Caged'; the word suddenly popped into the onmyoji's head.

Inuyasha snapped out of it a moment later. "What's wrong with Sesshomaru?"

"Your brother is struggling."

"Eh? How?"

Hoshikuzu put his tea down. "Certain things that he's always found true are turning out differently than before. Lord Sesshomaru doesn't know what to make of it."

"What sort of things?" Inuyasha asked, genuinely interested.

"I don't think it's my place to say exactly what." Inuyasha frowned. "I hope he comes to terms with himself soon though."

"Why?"

"Because," the onmyoji answered simply. "It's not good to doubt oneself, especially with such troublesome times ahead."

"What trouble?" Inuyasha demanded.

Hoshikuzu laughed. "So many questions! You are very much like your brother."

"Eh! What are you talking about? Sesshomaru and I are nothing alike," Inuyasha told him stubbornly. Hoshikuzu smiled inwardly at how easy it was to derail the half demon's thoughts.

"You two have more in common than you know. As far as understanding oneself, though, I think it's safe to say that you have the upper hand." Hoshikuzu finished his tea and Inuyasha poured him some more. They were silent for a few moments as Inuyasha mulled over what Hoshikuzu said. If Sesshomaru was having problems with himself, then there was really nothing he could do about it.

"Talking."

Inuyasha looked up. "What?"

"Talking always helps people with their problems," Hoshikuzu said, studying the ceiling.

Was he suggesting that Inuyasha try to talk to Sesshomaru about what was bothering him? Fat chance. Even if Inuyasha did, it's not like Sesshomaru would tell him anything. 'Yeah, we're definitely going to just sit down and have a touching heart to heart any day now,' Inuyasha thought glumly. But he did want a better relationship with his bother…

Inuyasha thanked him for the tea and left. Hoshikuzu stayed behind and poured himself another cup.

'I wonder if those two will actually become closer…' He mused, drinking his tea. 'I don't think it's impossible, but really… Can Inuyasha bear the weight of Sesshomaru's misery?'

-

'Chichiue,' Sesshomaru prayed in front of the butsudan. 'I don't know what to do about Rin. I fear I have brought even greater shame upon myself. I don't understand it. If I am away from her for even a day, I feel dejected, enough to wonder whether or not I've lost my mind.'

He stared at the funerary tablet, the candle light making his father's name flicker. There was nothing about Rin, he told himself, which should arouse this degree of passion. She was young, yes, sweet and yielding, somewhat knowledgeable of worldly ways, but she wasn't prone to deep reflect, nor was she of high birth. She was a peasant before he found her, for goodness's sake! Sesshomaru wondered what he saw in her, over and over, painful confusion growing heavier each time.

'How I long for my duty to be over!' Sesshomaru silently exclaimed, suddenly distraught. He bowed his head, eyes shut. 'Chichiue… I yearn for the day when I can repent and cast off my shame. Please… Let that day come soon.'

"I don't think I've ever seen you humble yourself like that before, Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru jumped up and faced Ochiba. "You should announce your presence before coming in," he said, slightly embarrassed at being caught in such an intimate moment of reverence.

"One would think that we could do away with some formality. We are married after all," she said, walking over. "What were you praying for?"

"That I might be able to fulfill my duties," Sesshomaru said his half truthfully, meeting Ochiba's eyes evenly. He could feel it in the air; she was testing him, pushing at him. He would not lose.

"And what could those duties be?" she wondered aloud, inspecting the painted fusuma. "Surely not sleeping with little ningen girls?"

Sesshomaru gritted his teeth. Damn. "What would that matter to you? She is my consort."

"I have a right to know who you bed. I am your wife," she responded, he voice edgy with anger.

"How could I forget?" Sesshomaru murmured, knowing that he shouldn't but was going to provoke her anyways. He glanced at her as if uninterested. "You constantly remind me, trying to manipulate people with your marriage."

Ochiba gave a short laugh. "You would insult me?"

"I don't need to," Sesshomaru said lightly.

"You would shame me," Ochiba continued quietly. "I endured so much for you, while you were exiled. You were hidden, you were spared. I had to hear, everyday, of how embarrassed I must have been to have you for a husband. I could have died!"

"You seemed to have done just fine," Sesshomaru said coldly, eyeing the sheets of gold covering Ochiba's claws.

She lost it. "You horrible person! A ningen! And you brought that half breed filth here too!" she shrieked. "You're just as much a fool as your father w-"

"Don't you dare insult Chichiue," Sesshomaru cut her off sharply.

She smiled spitefully; she had found a sore spot. "You always wanted him to notice you; you were such a daddy's boy. But he was always too busy, wasn't he? Too busy fawning over Ningen Hime to notice his own son. Maybe he knew what a disgrace you'd be-"

"Enough!" Sesshomaru thundered. Ochiba fell silent. He searched her eyes and found hatred and disgust.

"You'll end up just like your father," she whispered venomously.

Sesshomaru bristled.

"We'll see."

"And if that ningen doesn't kill you, then what you did to your mother will surely-"

Sesshomaru was in front of her, two fingers wedged in her mouth. "Hold your tongue, or I'll rip it out," he hissed murderously.

Ochiba bit down hard, glaring. The lord didn't flinch, even when a trickle of blood dribbled out of her mouth. Ochiba finally eased up and Sesshomaru pulled his hand away, ignoring the injury for now.

"You wouldn't dare," the demon woman told him, challenging.

But Sesshomaru was done. "Let's not discuss what I would and would not dare to do," he responded. "Go."

Ochiba didn't move.

"Go," he growled.

She left.

Sesshomaru looked at his mangled fingers. She had bit right through muscle in two places. He'd have to get it wrapped, at the very least. He turned to the butsudan.

"Chichiue, give me strength."

-

The rest of the afternoon was surprisingly calm. Sesshomaru, Ochiba, and Inuyasha went about their duties and acted as if nothing had happened. Despite the cease-fire, Sesshomaru could feel the tension between them. To add to it, Jimatsu would be arriving within the hour and beneath his calm exterior Sesshomaru was nervous about seeing his old friend. Would he be any different?

The look out sighted Jimatsu's convoy and Sesshomaru's worries doubled. The Court hadn't been called to assemble; it was mostly just Sesshomaru and his family, Inuyasha and his family.

Suddenly Sesshomaru remembered. Idiot! How could he have forgotten? Did Jimatsu know? Would he be angry? Sesshomaru was practically sick with anxiety as the said demon rode in, accompanied by only two guards. That was odd. Someone with such a rank as Jimatsu would surely have a larger honor guard than that.

Sesshomaru scrutinized Jimatsu as he dismounted and walked over. Nothing had changed on the outside… Same eyes, like chips of amber; one of his most handsome features, Sesshomaru had always thought. Some of his bangs were pulled into a high bun complete with hair ornament, but the rest of his long off-white hair trailed down towards his knees. A fan was tucked into the decorative sash of his outfit, which was similar to Sesshomaru's save for the different crest and color, and a not so fluffy length of fur looped over his left shoulder. Jimatsu bowed before him and Sesshomaru returned it.

"It's been a long time, Lord Jimatsu," Sesshomaru said. Too focused on him, the lord didn't catch the questioning glance Ochiba shot him.

"It has been a long time, my Lord Sesshomaru," Jimatsu responded, straightening up. Sesshomaru noticed that he had a horizontal scar across the bridge of his nose that hadn't been there the last time he saw him. "I hope my visit has found you in good health."

So formal! Jimatsu had never been this formal with him. Was he angry or did he simply change?

Sesshomaru introduced Inuyasha and his family to the new demon, and Jimatsu didn't show any outward shock to them. When he was introduced to Rin surprise momentarily flit across his face, but he recovered quickly. Then he turned to Ochiba.

He bowed deeply. "Lady Ochiba, it's been a long time," he murmured. Ochiba returned the greeting stiffly and Jimatsu's smile faltered at the harsh return. "I have missed you, onee-sama," he murmured, eyes on the ground.

Sesshomaru was troubled. What was wrong between those two?

The others were dismissed and Sesshomaru and Jimatsu went back to his room for tea. On the way there Sesshomaru noticed that he was getting many confused stares. He felt uneasy; did the whole palace know about him and Rin?

The silence was heavy and awkward as they waited for time to be brought. Finally, Jimatsu spoke.

"It truly has been a long time, hasn't it?" He wore a strange sort of smile, half happy, half sad.

"Too long," Sesshomaru said. Then, without meaning to, he blurted out, "About Fujiyu-"

"Don't concern your esteemed self with that, my lord. My father was a fool and hopeless abuser of power." Jimatsu firm response startled Sesshomaru a little, but also relaxed him. Jimatsu wasn't angry.

Jimatsu caught his eye and Sesshomaru froze. He recognized that look, he knew what would follow. Tense, they both waited, and watched.

Jimatsu launched himself at his lord, who leaned back and kicked the other over him. Whirling around, Sesshomaru quite literally pounced on Jimatsu, who was still trying to recover from his impromptu flying lesson. The two rolled over, growling, struggling to get up and keep the other down at the same time. Sesshomaru quickly realized how difficult that would be with only one arm, but the realization only fueled his resolve to win. After a few moments, Sesshomaru managed to wrestle Jimatsu to the ground, his lack of left arm forcing him to practically body check the unfortunate opponent. Jimatsu's back was to the floor and he trashed about, trying to throw Sesshomaru off; as soon as he looked up at his lord, Sesshomaru bent down swiftly and nipped Jimatsu across the bridge of his nose.

Immediately the fighting stopped. Panting, they stared at each other. Then Jimatsu broke into a grin.

"I still can't pin you, can I?" he asked, laughing.

Sesshomaru laughed in spite of himself, more from relief than anything else. Jimatsu hadn't changed; they were still friends.

"No," he answered, getting off. "You can't."

Tea was brought and they poured for one another. After agreeing to 'go-enryo naku', Sesshomaru had to ask.

"Was there an argument between you and your sister?"

Jimatsu put down his tea. "From the way you welcomed me, I could tell you weren't informed."

Sesshomaru frowned. "Informed of what?"

"My lord, I have been almost completely stripped of my rank." He gave a small half-hearted smile.

"What?" Sesshomaru couldn't believe it. "Why?"

"There were many people who spoke… poorly of you after you were exiled. I defended your honor to the point of fighting with many members of the Court. For such unseemly conduct, I was demoted to the sixth rank and forced to find housing in the city. I could no long stand listening to the way some talked about you at the palace, so I left to explore the Continent," Jimatsu explained, as if it were nothing important.

Sesshomaru was silent, stunned. Jimatsu had done that for him? Without any prompting or motivation except faithfulness, Jimatsu had given up his rank defending Sesshomaru when everyone else had abandoned him as a worthless traitor.

"Arigato," Sesshomaru whispered, his throat constricted. He bowed, touching his forehead to the tatami. "Domo arigato gozaimashita."

"Do itashimashite," Jimatsu replied, sounding slightly alarmed. "I was merely fulfilling my duty; there's no need for such a reaction, my lord."

Sesshomaru straightened; his passionate display of gratitude had made Jimatsu uncomfortable. "I restore you to your pervious rank, and then elevate you to the first," he told him.

"There's no need for that, my lord," Jimatsu stuttered, embarrassed.

"No," Sesshomaru stated firmly. "And you will return to the palace and resume the duties befitting a person of your rank."

Jimatsu was speechless; then, finding his tongue, he thanked Sesshomaru.

He dismissed Jimatsu and walked out to the porch, staring at nothing unparticular. Jimatsu was truly loyal, one who deserved the first rank and his trust. When he was banished, cast out by the ones he known all his life, he had wandered the country side without purpose, distraught and alone. Sesshomaru had known nothing but absolute loneliness and utter shame, relying only on himself, becoming more and more bitter as the days past… Yet even when he thought the world had turned on him, at the palace there was one who, against everything, defended him.

Sesshomaru fought to back tears; the crack in his mask spider webbed outward.

Jimatsu had shown him such undying devotion; it was unbelievable. Yet he had done it, even at great personal risk to his honor; if Sesshomaru hadn't been able to return to the throne, he would have taken Jimatsu down with him. The childhood friend would never know exactly what his loyalty meant to Sesshomaru.

He gazed skyward. Prayers were answered in such strange ways.

Above, a messenger pigeon flew towards its destination, carrying a slip of paper bearing two words:

Crimson Sky

---

All hail the doggy way of showing dominance! Flatten the other oneto the ground and bit them on the nose! cough Anyways...

So a butsudan is a Buddist alter where one would keep tablets listing the names of deceased relatives, incense, candles, flowers, ect. People often pray to their ancestors for guidence. (If I got this wrong and insulted somebody, I am so sorry!) 'Onee-sama' is the most respectful form of 'sister' I could find. The 'arigato', domo arigato gozaimashita', and 'do itashimashite' are 'thank you', 'thank you very much', and 'don't mention it/it's okay'.

The whole rank issue that keeps popping up is fun, to say the least. I don't know how many ranks there were, but anything below the 5th rank and you were considered 'low born'. The peasants, you ask? Ha, they were hardly even considered human...


	11. Heart Break and Heartache

And Sesshomaru's good luck (what littlehe's had so far) really begins to fade in this chapter. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! It made me feel loved.

---

After recovering from his near tearing, Sesshomaru spent the rest of the afternoon with Jimatsu. They talked about everything; the pranks they played as children, Court members, fighting, and the palace as it was now. Sesshomaru enjoyed their conversation, alittle surprised at how easy it was to talk to his old friend; he had forgotten that it was possible to talk to someone and not have to worry much about saying the wrong thing. Of course, it didn't mean that the whole thing was devoid of awkward moments.

"To be honest, Lord Sesshomaru, I was surprise to see Lady Rin," Jimatsu remarked as they meandering around the palace grounds. "I remember how you used to fervently claim that you hated humans."

"I did, still do, hate humans," Sesshomaru muttered uneasily, glancing at him. "Rin is… different." He tucked his hair behind his ear, agitated by the comment.

Jimatsu noticed the nervous gesture. "Don't worry; I won't mark you less for liking a human. It doesn't matter to me who you like, and it shouldn't to anyone else."

Sesshomaru hmmed and dropped his hand, not noticing the hint of sadness that crept into Jimatsu's voice. His eyes followed the hand's decent, puzzled.

"What happened to your hand?" he asked.

Glancing down, Sesshomaru knew he was referring to his bandaged fingers; he was silent a moment, reflecting.

"Have you ever done something you know you shouldn't have and then regret it afterwards?"

Jimatsu smirked. "All the time, my friend," he said knowingly. "Did you really need to ask?"

Walking through a garden, they saw Taro and Jiro playing kemari. Hanging back behind some bushes, just out of sight of the twins, the older demons watched the younger ones play for a few minutes. They kicked the leather ball off the inside or outside of their feet, sometimes off the heel or toe, trying to keep it in the air as long as possible. Then Taro accidentally punted the ball and it arched over Jiro's head, landing at Sesshomaru's feet. The two boys seemed alarmed as they realized that they their father and his closest friend had been watching.

"Would you throw it back please, Father?" Jiro called politely, recovering from (or perhaps ignoring) his surprise.

Sesshomaru stepped down on the ball and brought it back over his foot in one smooth motion. Kicking it into the air, he bounced it off the inside of his foot twice before sending it back to his sons. They stared at him, surprised.

"You can play kemari, Father?" Taro asked incredulously.

"Yes," Sesshomaru answered, suppressing a scowl. Why did everyone seem to think that he never did anything entertaining?

"We aren't too old to join in, are we?" Jimatsu joked, walking over.

Sesshomaru shot him a look, which was returned swiftly as if to say 'spend some time with your children'. He blinked, surprised, but he consented, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the whole situation.

He was rusty, but what did he expect after not playing for over a hundred years? Within a minute or two his movements became less hesitant and awkward, and he was amused to find that he actually was enjoying the game.

--

Inuyasha had been searching the palace for more than two of Kagome's hours and he hadn't found Sesshomaru yet. The stable hands had assured him that he hadn't left the palace grounds and the servants all said they had seen him with Jimatsu, but that didn't give Inuyasha a clearer idea of where his brother was.

Glancing down a corridor as he passed, he glimpsed Ochiba, passing into a room on left. She might know where Sesshomaru was.

Approaching the room, he could he hear complaining quite loudly about something; for a moment he considered finding someone else to ask-

"I can't believe he did that to me!"

-but curiosity got the better of him.

Creeping up to the open lattice blinds, he peaked in as he listened to the demoness rant to her ladies-in-waiting.

"How dare he show me such disrespect! He's the one who shamed himself countless times! He amuses himself with that pretty little infatuation of his, all the while ignoring his duty to his wife. I despise them both! That disgusting ningen peasant who can't even walk without giving away her pathetic birth; a little slut who lured a once proud demon to her bed. And him! He's making the same mistakes as his father. Lying with a human! What good can come of that!"

Inuyasha's mouth dropped. Sesshomaru slept with Rin! Astounded, he slipped quietly away from the room. Now he really wanted to try talking to Sesshomaru.

Searching the halls for the demon, that amazing fact kept repeating in his head. Sesshomaru had slept with Rin. Sesshomaru had slept with Rin. It was unbelievable, inconceivable. Back at the river he had been joking; he didn't actually think that Sesshomaru liked Rin that way.

He came to an abrupt halt. That hypocritical bastard! Sesshomaru would insult him for liking a human-

'It is inexcusable; a disgrace to your demon blood.'

-but he could be with Rin? Inuyasha didn't think so.

Stopping a servant, he demanded, "Do you know where Sesshomaru is?" In his anger he forgot the honorific title, but he didn't care.

The young page girl cringed away in fright. "I believe His Majesty is in the garden with His Highnesses Taro and Jiro, as well as Lord Jimatsu," she said quickly before hurrying off.

'Which damn garden!' Inuyasha wanted to shout after her. He controlled himself, and set off for the Inner gardens. The chance that Sesshomaru was in the Outer Palace was slim to none. Stalking through garden after garden, anger coursing in his veins, Inuyasha could practically hear every human based insult Sesshomaru ever said to him ringing in his ears; it only served to make him more enraged. Finally he caught sight of him.

"Sesshomaru!" he shouted.

Jiro jumped at Inuyasha's cry and the ball soared over Jimatsu's head, rolling to a stop at Inuyasha's feet.

The half demon remembered, unbidden, the exclusion from this game; the others watched him, bemused, as Inuyasha stared at the ball.

Inuyasha looked up at them, all demons, all nobles, and once more he was painfully aware that he didn't belong, would never belong. His anger surged back; he kicked the ball, hard, and it shot straight towards Sesshomaru, the one who brought him to this miserable place, the one who hypocritically mocked him, the one who constantly reminded him that he would never be good enough.

Sesshomaru caught the ball, glaring at Inuyasha.

"What do you want, little brother?" he asked in an irritated voice, tossing the ball over his shoulder.

Inuyasha twitched. That gesture, that condescending attitude; they're no better than the humans who scorned him. Completely forgetting his original reason for coming, Inuyasha ran at him.

"I'm sick of this stupid shit!"

Jimatsu and the two boys scattered as Sesshomaru caught Inuyasha's fist.

"What has gotten into you?" he demanded. Inuyasha swung his free fist and Sesshomaru jerked Inuyasha to the left, bringing the half demon across in front of him to successfully block the second strike. He shoved his off balanced brother backwards, placing a few feet between them.

"You lousy hypocrite!" Inuyasha bellowed. "You put me down for having human blood, you talk trash about me because I like Kagome; yet you can sleep with Rin and that's fine!"

Shit! "Be silent, Inuyasha," Sesshomaru commanded urgently, his voice betraying a hint of panic. He didn't need everyone to know!

"No, I won't be silent!" the half demon continued to rage. "I've put up with all these dumbass court rules for the past month almost, and for what! To find out that you're a liar! If you can love Rin, then I better not hear any shit for loving Kagome!"

"I don't love Rin!" Sesshomaru shouted, his face a brilliant shade of red. "It's fine if you like a ningen, you share their blood. But I don't love Rin!" He knew he was making a fool of himself, and in front of his children and Jimatsu at that, but the words just kept coming. "Don't presume you know anything about my life, Inuyasha. You know nothing! You barely know how to bow properly; don't you dare think you know something about the intricacies of court life!"

"The hell you don't love Rin!" Inuyasha challenged, ignoring the rest of Sesshomaru's insults.

"I don't!" Sesshomaru shouted back, his mind screaming for him to stop. "I don't love Rin, and I never will!"

Then he heard it, very faintly from behind him. "Sesshomaru-sama…"

He spun around; Rin stood there, nearly in tears. "Sesshomaru-sama…" she whimpered again, tears starting to flow.

"Rin," Sesshomaru said hoarsely. Someone just dropped a heavy weight into his stomach; he felt sick.

The little girl ran off, crying, and the demon lord watched her go, quite unable to do a thing.

"Swift, Sesshomaru; real swift," Inuyasha sneered.

The next thing Inuyasha knew, he was sitting on the ground, staring up at his brother.

"Get out of my presence," Sesshomaru struggled to say evenly.

"What?" Inuyasha muttered, slightly dazed from the punch that had knocked him to the ground.

"Do I have to spell it out for you, baka!" Sesshomaru practically screeched. "Get out of my sight!"

Inuyasha scrambled to his feet and, to his shame, ran.

The proud yet wounded lord stood still as stone, eyes shut, fist clenched. His throat felt constricted to the point of actually hurting and his chest ached. Calm down, breathe, calm down! Fully aware that all eyes were on him, he struggled for control. Calm down, find peace, you can think about all this later, just calm down. But as soon as the anger died down, a new emotion surged in to take its place: sorrow. He felt himself pitch forward slightly as the deep penetrating sadness filled his entire body, sweeping everything else away. A low sob escaped him as he screwed his eyes shut tighter. God, what was this? Never before had he felt anything even remotely similar… He had never felt anything this absolutely consuming, so perfectly overwhelming-

"Lord Sesshomaru?" he heard Jimatsu's voice from far away.

It hurt. This feeling actually fucking hurt. Sesshomaru grimaced. How did this happen? He felt sick; he couldn't breathe. Oh, gods, Rin…

"Lord Sesshomaru!" Jimatsu voice was more insistent.

The fact that he was doubled over hit him suddenly; he straightened up quickly, swaying slightly, hand staying at his mouth as if was going to throw up. Or scream; he couldn't tell which. He hoped neither would happen.

"Lord Sesshomaru, are you okay?" Jimatsu asked him earnestly.

'No, I'm not okay!' he wanted to snap at him. But he just looked at his friend. "I'm sorry," Sesshomaru choked out, his eyes strangely dilated.

He glanced over at Taro and Jiro. They looked frightened and more than slightly surprised; Sesshomaru couldn't tell if they were scared for him or of him. He dismissed them with a quick wave of his hand, and he could tell they were fighting the urge to run as they walked away. Giving in to Jimatsu's pleading, he sat down on the engawa.

Jimatsu was asking again, wanting to an answer if he was alright. Sesshomaru tried swallowing; his throat felt so tight he didn't know if he could manage a reply. His claws twitched as the idea of ripping his throat out to make the disgusting feeling go away suddenly seemed very appealing.

Finally he answered Jimatsu, his voice strangled. "I'll be fine." Which, of course, he didn't know for certain, but he definitely hoped would be true.

"What happened?" his friend pressed, peering closely at Sesshomaru.

The demon took a deep breath; he was starting to feel better. "I'm not sure; that sort of thing has never happened to me before."

He had heard people talk about inner 'attacks', when it felt like one was being ripped apart from the inside. Realizing that description fit what just happened to him, he only felt more ashamed. Only weak people who couldn't control themselves had the attacks.

"I see that look, my lord. You're too hard on yourself."

Sesshomaru looked over toward the entrance of the garden. Hoshikuzu walked over and bowed, greeting the two lords in turn.

"What you mean, Lord Sesshomaru is too hard on himself?" Jimatsu questioned.

"He believes that inner attacks only affect people who are weak in spirit," Hoshikuzu explained. Sesshomaru frowned; did the onmyoji see his humiliating moment too?

He continued. "In reality, these so called 'attacks' happen to people who are not at peace with themselves. The lack of balance in their ki causes incredible disruptions, which can be triggered by an upsetting event, or seemingly nothing at all. These disruptions of ki can cause very real physical pain, even though there is nothing visibly wrong with the body. Over time, the imbalance can cause sickness or, in extreme cases, death."

Jimatsu was on his feet. "Are you suggesting that Lord Sesshomaru doesn't have self-control?"

"I was merely explaining why attacks happen, nothing more." Hoshikuzu said, eyes sparkling. "No need to get up in arms defending your love from a non-existent threat."

Jimatsu flushed. "What do you mean by that?" he stuttered as Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed in disbelief.

"I don't need to explain that, I think. With your leave, Lord Sesshomaru." The onmyoji bowed and walked away.

"I should be going as well, my lord," Jimatsu said quickly. "That is, of course, if you don't require something."

Sesshomaru shook his head and his friend hurried off. Sighing, he stood up. Now there was another thing to worry about. Too many things it seemed. Rin was upset, Inuyasha was being an idiot, (plus he wasn't married to Kagome), Ochiba was infuriated, Jimatsu might possibly like him (what the hell was he supposed to do with that?), and to top it all off, he was apparently so imbalanced that he could get sick from it.

'Could things be anymore complicated?' Sesshomaru wondered, wandering off to the bath.

---

I gave Sesshomaru a panic attack. Oops. Anyway, kemari is basically the precursor of hacky sack that was played by Japanese court nobles (usually only the men), and engawaare those wooden porch-like walkways you see in traditional Japanese houses.Questions? Comments? Please review!


	12. Musings and Apologies

Sorry I'm so late! The summer did funny things to me... There's some cute moments in this chapter; it's been so dark lately that I decided we needed a bit of humor. If that's not your cup of tea, don't worry: it won't last for long.

---

Stepping into the steaming water, the demon lord eased his weary body in, the hot liquid enveloping him in blissful warmth up to his shoulders. Sighing in the otherwise quiet, Sesshomaru settled back against the wooden bath, allowing his eyes to unfocus as he gazed at the water's calm surface. He wasn't going to deal with anyone until he got his thoughts sorted out and a plan of action was created.

At the moment, there was nothing he could do about Inuyasha and his little outburst. If it really was about being hypocritical, then there was nothing he could do at all (what's done is done, right?), but somehow, he didn't think that was just it. No, it had to be something more. Inuyasha wouldn't have gotten worked up about just that; no doubt that was a part of it, but that was something that his brother would usually just sulk and glower about, not fly into a rage over. There was something else. He'd probably have to sit him down and figure out just what had gotten under the half demon's skin to provoke that little explosion.

Ripples wrinkled the water as Sesshomaru's chest rose and fell with deep, soothing breaths. He sunk down until the water was just below his chin, white hair drifting out around him.

Rin… His heart ached simply recalling the pericing, betrayed look she gave him before running off. As soon as he got out of the bath, he'd have to find Rin. He needed to talk to her. But what would he say? Deny what he had said earlier? Did he mean what he said earlier? He just didn't want Rin to be so upset, right? No, he knew that wasn't it. Perhaps that had been the case at one time, but not anymore. He cared about Rin, more than he ever thought possible. He wanted her to be safe, to be happy; he wanted to be near her. The revelation shook him deeply; he couldn't believe had just thought that. Did that mean love? Could he tell Rin that? That he lov- Gods, he could barely admit it to himself! It couldn't be love… If it was, it would be easier to say, wouldn't it? He wasn't sure; he'd wait on telling Rin until he was certain. For now, he would simply tell her what he did know to be true; he wanted her to be safe and happy, and he wanted her company. Well, that was one problem resolved for the moment…

As for Ochiba… He knew she was angry, but she needed to learn her place. Why did she have to be so headstrong? Compliant women were always more admirable. What had Sama no Kami said on the matter of a wife? 'One should settle on someone wholly dependable, quiet, and steady, as long as there is nothing especially wrong with her.' Ochiba wasn't quiet, she definitely wasn't steady, and the only thing one could depend on her for was smart-ass comments. Her main duty as his wife was obedience; she had no right to object to anything he did! Of course, life was never ideal; he'd just have to put up with her. It's not like he could divorce her; she hadn't fulfilled any of the requirements.

Then, to finish off his list of people problems, there was Jimatsu. Was Hoshikuzu being serious when he suggested that Jimatsu liked him? He could have been joking. No, Jimatsu probably wouldn't have reacted the way he did if there wasn't some truth to the onmyoji's words. Did his friend leave quickly do to embarrassment, or was it from fear of rejection? It seemed plausible that it was both. And, if these feelings were true, what could he do about it? It would probably be best to simply ignore it unless Jimatsu brought it up or tried something. He didn't want to ruin their friendship. He didn't have those sorts of feelings about Jimatsu.

_He slipped Jimatsu's haori off and leaned forward, their lips brushing together as Sesshomaru pushed him dow-_

Sesshomaru blinked. He did not just start to imagine what it what it would be like to take Jimatsu to bed. He did not! Damn it… But he had known Jimatsu since they were children! He couldn't randomly develop feelings for his friend now! Besides, he already decided that he lov- Damn it! That he wanted to be with Rin.

He suppressed a growl. So much for having one problem resolved; he had just succeeded in making it more personally confusing.

Deciding to get out, he dried off and managed to get dressed; uncomfortable of having the servant see his… disfigurement, he had sent the boy away, leaving himself with no assistance. Dressing done (although his sash was definitely not tied right), he set his mind to finding Rin.

Only the girl proved more elusive than he first suspected. She wasn't in her quarters and her serving women stupidly didn't know where she was, forcing Sesshomaru to wander the palace looking for her. After maybe ten minutes of fruitless searching, he mentally kicked himself for not remembering and sniffed the air. She was ningen, which meant that, even with scented kimono, she'd still stand out. His sensitive nose told him that she hadn't been through here in weeks. Deciding that she probably wasn't inside, he went outside; catching wind of her fresh scent, he followed it to an obscure garden, one that was rarely visited anymore. He smiled to himself; Rin did have a knack for finding her personal sanctuary.

Sesshomaru's nose twitched as he found a familiar, but far less welcomed scent; a half second later, he sneezed. Snorting, he glared, searching for the horrid creature responsible for the irritation. He spotted it lurking under a bush and he crept forward, suddenly intent on getting rid of it. The beast glanced up and spotted Sesshomaru; it took off through the under growth and Sesshomaru swore. He'd find it some other time; right now he should be focusing on locating Rin. Ignoring the little monster's annoying smell, he followed Rin's trail deeper into the garden.

Peering over a shrub, he spied her curled up under a plum tree, dried tears staining her face. Silently he walked over and crouched down next to her sleeping form, careful not the step on her kimono, its layers fanned out like wings.

"Rin," he called gently, softly stroking her cheek. The child stirred and he called again, slightly louder.

Her eyes blinked open and focused; seeing Sesshomaru, she sat up quickly apologizing.

"Hush," Sesshomaru stopped her. She fell silent at once, focusing on the ground.

"Why are you so upset?" he questioned softly, although, really, did he need to ask? "I want you to be happy, Rin. Happy and safe, here with me."

She sniffed, tears beginning to fall once more.

"Tell me, why are you crying? Look at me, Rin. Why are you crying? No, look at me."

He took her chin gently and tilted her face up toward his.

"You sounded so angry at me. It sounds like you hate me. Am I that much of a burden to you?" she asked, averting her eyes.

"I don't hate you, Rin," Sesshomaru said, startled. Had he really appeared that angry?

"But you don't love me."

He released her chin, her matter-of-fact tone surprising him. She looked away entirely.

"Rin," he began, unsure of what to say. Tell her what you know is true, he reminded himself. "I care about you very much. I want you to be happy and safe; I want to be with you, spend time with you."

"I never see you anymore. It feels as if you have forgotten Rin!"

The demon caught the third person. When she was younger, Rin only referred to herself, and sometimes others, in the third person, but as she got older she grew out of the habit. However, it never failed to return when she was upset. Yet even through the third person, Sesshomaru could feel the maturity in her voice.

"Rin knows Lord Sesshomaru is busy, but he doesn't see Rin at all. Rin is not summoned either! Rin is left alone, or with that awful demon lady for lessons."

"Awful demon lady?" Sesshomaru repeated, frowning.

The ningen's eyes widen in shock. "Rin is sorry; she didn't mean to insult Lord Sesshomaru's wife."

Like he cared about that. "Why did you call her awful?" he asked, a sense of dread creeping into his heart. When Rin wouldn't meet his eyes or answer, the feeling worsened.

"Rin, what does Ochiba do?"

She shook her head.

"Rin, tell me. Rin!"

"Rin is very clumsy and stupid. She spills tea and doesn't remember her manners, forgets dance steps and shamisen music and brush strokes. Lady Ochiba disciplines Rin when she displeases her."

"How?" Sesshomaru asked quietly.

She shook her head again, but Sesshomaru already knew. Before Rin could react, he snatched the edge of the girl's kimono sleeve and yanked it up past her elbow. She pulled it back down quickly, but Sesshomaru had already confirmed what he feared.

Rin's lower arm, and probably her upper arm as well, were covered in bruises.

Sesshomaru stood up. "Come, we're going to go talk to Ochiba, now."

Rin grabbed his pants as he tried to walk away. "No! Lady Ochiba said-"

"What?" Sesshomaru demanded, whirling around and glaring at her. "That she'd hit you more if I found out? Don't be foolish, Rin; she only said that to trick you into staying silent in the first place."

Ochiba had been teaching Rin for almost a month, he realized. When had this started?

"How long had she been doing this? Rin! Tell me! If anyone does anything to you, you come to me immediately! Do you understand? Immediately!"

He realized he had been shouting when he saw frightened tears slipped down Rin's cheeks. Crouching down, he placed his hand on her shoulder comfortingly.

"I apologize for yelling at you, Rin," he told her in a soothing voice. "I'm angry that people have hurt and teased you, but I can only protect you if I know what or who to protect you from. If someone is bothering you, I need you to tell me as soon as possible, alright?"

Rin nodded, wiping away tears. As she was recovering, something behind her shoulder moved and Sesshomaru instinctively glanced at it.

That damnable creature! He rose slowly, determined to get it this time.

Rin followed his gaze. "Oh!"

She leapt to her feet and ran to the beast before Sesshomaru could stop her; bending down, she scooped it up in her arms. Turning, she presented it to her lord, who recoiled slightly.

"I found her hiding near a pond, watching the koi. Isn't she cute? His name is Sakanahanta."

Sesshomaru couldn't manage smother a look of loathing, wrinkling his nose in disgust. The kitten looked up at him with wide wary eyes.

"Want to hold her?" Rin asked, stepping forward.

"No," was Sesshomaru's short reply as the thing hissed its displeasure at Sesshomaru's sudden closeness. Every fiber of his being told him to flatten the repulsive creature, now.

"Sakanahanta is my new pet."

"What?" There was no way that horrid animal was going to stay at the palace permanently. Absolutely no way.

"Rin, that mon- That cat is not staying here," he said sternly.

"What?" Rin said, crushed. "Why not?"

Why not; gods, wasn't it obvious? "Rin, what I am?"

"What do you mean?"

"Species."

"A demon."

Sesshomaru held back a scowl. "More specifically than that."

"A do- Oh."

Yes, oh. "And everyone else in this palace, save you and Kagome, have what blood?"

"The same," she muttered, holding her kitten close. "But she won't bother anyone! She's a good kitty!"

That was trying to raid the koi ponds. "Be that as it may, Rin, that cat-"

"Her name is Sakanahanta," Rin insisted stubbornly.

"Fine. Sakanahanta wouldn't last more than two days here; it's not staying," he said, in an end-of-argument-tone.

"But why?" Rin cried, eyes pleading.

Sesshomaru sighed. "Do you want the honest truth?" He received an affirmative and continued. "The Dog Demon people have always been attack by the Cat Demon tribe. Not even sixty years ago my people were at war with the Cats, and more recently less than a decade ago we fought again. My grandfather fought them, Chichiue fought them, I have fought them, and my children will fight them. As a result, no dog demon in their right mind would tolerate the presence of a cat, demon or otherwise. Your Sakanahanta would be killed by a member of the Court, a servant, or anyone living in the city, if it were to be discovered. I'm sorry, but that's simply the way things are."

Rin was silent, staring at her small bundle of fur. "Will you kill Sakanahanta?" she finally whispered.

Sesshomaru choked down a growl. Rin wouldn't dare. "No…"

She met his eyes boldly. "Then I'll make sure she isn't discovered."

"Rin…"

"It'll work," she assured him. "She'll stay in my room; no one can go in there without my or your permission. So as long as you don't give it, she'll stay safe."

The demon lord glared at the girl, who wasn't fazed. Maybe he was losing his touch. He couldn't believe she just set him up like that… A least it shows that she was paying attention in her court studies.

'I guess that means I'm out of my mind,' he mused, as he saw Rin back to her room. Once she and the abominable cat were safely inside, Sesshomaru switched his focus to Ochiba.

---

Dun dun dun! Anyways, I have the next chapter already finish so you can expect an update within a week. And for anyone who wanted to know, the name of Rin's cat means 'fish hunter'.


	13. Confrontations

Sorry for the wait! It's time for Sesshomaru's confrontation with Ochiba, and later Inuyasha runs into Jimatsu. What happens from there... Well, I won't say.

---

Ochiba was in her room, reading a letter that had just arrived that day. A small smile tilted her lips as her eyes scanned its contents. Things were moving along quite nicely.

Footsteps from down the hall caught her attention and she paused, listening. Hours of being stuck in her room do to formality and what was proper had taught her to recognize different footfalls and match them to people with an almost instinctive ease. It had been many years since she had heard this particular pace, and it had changed slightly, but she could never forget it. Full of pride, long, sweep steps that, at this moment, revealed annoyance; Sesshomaru's gait was unmistakable. She tucked the letter into her sleeve.

Sesshomaru entered a moment after, ignoring the servant and protocol that stated that his presence should have been announced. His face was a mask of calm, but his eyes betrayed his anger.

"My lord, so good of to visit," Ochiba said, nodding her head slightly. Now was not a time for coyness, not until she figured out what had put him in this mood.

Sesshomaru returned the nod automatically. "I came to talk to you about Lady Rin." He noted the put out look that flashed across her face briefly before being replaced by an artificially sincere smile.

"What is it you wish to discuss?" She motioned for him to sit down and he did. "Tea?"

"No," Sesshomaru said in a no-nonsense voice. "Tell me, how have her studies progressed?"

"Why, you see her demonstrate every week, my lord. Surely you can judge her progression from those alone."

Sesshomaru ignored the cleverly disguised insult. "I would like to hear your opinion. Being her teacher, you see more than I."

Ochiba's smile gracefully morphed into a delicate frown. "Her studies go well enough, but I'm afraid she has difficulty applying what she's been taught to her day to day existence. She is still prone to moments that belittle her status."

"I see. And do you take the proper measure to correct this?"

"I do, my lord. She is very certain to make sure that the same error does not happen again." Her pleasant smile was back.

"So you strike her so hard she is fearful to commit the same honest mistake?" Sesshomaru asked in a quite voice.

Ochiba's geisha smile faltered. "Sometimes it is necessary to discipline children, as I'm sure you very well know."

"You have no right to harm her," Sesshomaru countered.

"I do not harm her. I discipline her. If her ningen mind prevents her from being able to learn properly, then I'll kindly ask that you not request me to teach such a hopeless case," Ochiba snapped, irritation quickly taking hold.

"Do not suggest that Rin is a fool; you couldn't be-" Sesshomaru began, but his wife cut him off.

"That is hardly the question here, is it? No, you think that your precious consort should be excused from things that have always been done. It is not cruel to discipline a child; it is necessary! How else will they learn that mistakes are not acceptable in our world? You were never spared the cane when you misbehaved. You poured ink onto one of my favorite kimono; your father whipped you for it. I bet you still have the scars on the back of your legs from that. Why should that ningen be any different?"

"She does not deserve your hand for a simple mistake!" Sesshomaru argued.

"Then would you do it? You are too soft on her, perhaps you could benefit from disciplining her as well," Ochiba mocked.

The lord glared. "She does not understand what it means to have to conform to rules such as these. She was an orphaned child, she never-"

"All the more reason then! She was never shown how to behave; it's about time she learned. If you want to blame anyone, then blame the gods who cursed her with that beginning, but do not accuse me of anything more that what should be done!" Ochiba shouted, fists clenched in anger.

Sesshomaru was silent, seething. Even though he didn't want to admit it, he knew there was truth to Ochiba's words. But still… He knew that Ochiba wasn't being fair with Rin. He had no concrete proof, but he knew. Rin didn't deserve to be hit simply because Ochiba didn't like her (and if Sesshomaru was not entirely sure of that before, then Ochiba's suggestion that Rin was stupid certainly convinced him).

"Leave the matter of Rin's education to me. I will take care of it," he said, deciding that, for better of for worse, he'd take her education into his own hands.

Ochiba's face was an interesting mix of rage and shock that Sesshomaru would have found amusing under other circumstances. He'd better leave before she found her tongue again. Leaning forward just enough for it to be considered a bow, Sesshomaru left without another word.

He had passed through several corridors before he was interrupted.

"My lord," someone called from behind.

He turned. Hoshikuzu walked over and bowed, which Sesshomaru mimicked. "My lord, may I have a word with you?"

"You may," Sesshomaru responded, wondering what this was about.

"I want to discuss your attacks in greater detail, my lord, perhaps-"

"Excuse me, but I would prefer that we discuss that in private," Sesshomaru said, not really meaning to cut him off but doing it anyways.

"Of course, my lord," Hoshikuzu said knowingly.

Once they were seated in a room the onmyoji tried again. "Lord Sesshomaru, I was very concerned by what I saw. It isn't good for an esteemed person like yourself to be trouble by such a severe attack." The worry in his voice was genuine.

"Can you tell me what exactly caused that?" Sesshomaru asked, not sure he wanted the answer.

"I cannot tell you what caused you to reach such an unbalance state, but I can explain to you what is unbalanced," the onmyoji said.

"Very well."

"You are familiar with Yin and Yang, yes?" With Sesshomaru's affirmative, he continued. "The two are opposites, yet they both contain part of each other. Push and pull, light and dark, masculine and feminine, outer and inner. This concept also applies to people's personalities. Yang represents the outer personality, what people show others, the conscious mind. Yin is inner personality, what is hidden from others, subconscious thought. Right now, your Yin and Yang personalities are in great conflict, which is what caused the attack."

Sesshomaru frowned. "Why is there conflict?"

"As you know, there are four major elemental forces in our world: Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. They are connected to directions, seasons, even the circle of Life, Death, and Rebirth. Each one also governs certain personality traits. Air is dignity, logic, and observation; it is also arrogance, detachment, and an unfeeling nature. Fire is brave, passionate, and optimistic, but it can also mean hot-headedness, irresponsibility, and recklessness. Water is compassionate, gentle, and imaginative, yet also lazy, moody, and narcissistic. Earth is stabile, practical, and patient; it is also stubborn, materialistic, and timid."

Sesshomaru was beginning to think that Hoshikuzu brought him here just to lecture him. "What does that have to do with an imbalance?"

"Your Yang personality is very Airy, with touches of Earthiness. Your Yin personality is mostly Water, with flickers of Fire. On their own, those combinations are very good; Earth helps to ground Air's aloof nature, and Water calms Fire's temper. However, when separated into Yang and Yin personalities, it is very unstable."

"How so?"

Hoshikuzu continued in a serious tone. "An Air/Earth combination for Yang creates a person who is practical and intelligent, but doesn't consider emotions when making decisions, either their own, others, or both. People end up thinking that one does not care about them because one rarely thinks about how others might feel.

Water/Fire for Yin makes your emotions run rampant, yet they remain hidden. That means they will only fester and grow until they cannot contained. Then Water's feelings will burst out with Fire's recklessness, which will hurt many people since Earth and Air are not present to control what is said or done."

Sesshomaru was silent. His thoughts and, gods forbid, emotions escaping unchecked? That would be disastrous. "But I've already been losing control of my emotions," he muttered without thinking.

"Then it has already begun."

He looked up at the onmyoji. "What, exactly?"

"The explosion of Water and Fire into your Yang side. The two cannot exist without Air and Earth to keep them in check, so they will come forth."

"Can this be stopped?" Sesshomaru asked, unable to keep the urgent note from his voice.

"It is not healthy to keep Water and Fire from Earth and Air, as you have already seen," Hoshikuzu said with small smile that quickly faded. "All you can do is try to slowly introduce Yin to Yang. If done a little at a time, the results will not be as dangerous."

"As dangerous?"

"If done slowly, it will not be as bad for other people. You, however, will have to face your emotions and temper, two things you have denied and ignored for most of your life. You will suffer a difficult phase while learning to exist peacefully with what you have kept hidden from the world. I fear that you will have a hard time accepting what you might find, yet once you do, I think you will be surprised to see what you can accomplish. Remember though, you must be willing to change or nothing good can come of this."

Sesshomaru was quiet, considering the onmyoji's words carefully. The explanation did shed light on some things, but it seemed almost too convenient. A barely noticeable frown tipped the corners of his mouth as he pursued this possibility. It seemed a little hard to believe, that suddenly these elements of his personality had decided to become unstable, when before he had no problems at all. Maybe people were right to question the man's sanity. "How do I know this is all true?" he finally asked, faintly skeptical. "I've never had any problems before, nor have I ever heard of such a thing like this, the way you describe it."

"Nothing but my word, my lord," Hoshikuzu said in a light tone, catching the disbelief in Sesshomaru's voice. "Really, what do I know? You've heard the rumors; I'm just an old doddering fool who's losing his grasp on the real world." He laughed, although it wasn't as mirthful as it could have been. He stood and bowed deeply to Sesshomaru. "Forgive me; it was presumptuous of me to say all those things about you. Sorry to have bothered you with all my useless delusions. Please excuse me." He bowed again and walked out.

Sesshomaru sat there motionless, accompanied by the vague feeling that he had just screwed up.

Inuyasha had spent the last few hours stalking around the palace grounds, trying to calm down. He was still pretty pissed, but at least he wasn't in a blinding rage anymore. He was currently wandering the edge of a lake he hadn't known was on the property, watching ducks paddle lazily across the water's glassy surface.

Not for the first time he clearly saw what it meant to be half-bred. It didn't matter if he was with humans or demons; the seclusion was the same. He thought he was over this; he told himself he didn't care. He kicked a stone bitterly at some tall grasses and jumped when something cried out.

Inuyasha ran over and saw one of the demons that had been with Sesshomaru a couple of hours ago sitting in the grass on the ground, rubbing his forehead, a frown evident on his face.

"What was that for?" Jimatsu asked. He wasn't angry, just surprised

"Sorry," Inuyasha mumbled. Great, this was good. He just kicked a rock at a high ranking noble. Just wait until Sesshomaru heard this one.

"Do you usually throw rocks at unsuspecting people when you're angry?" Jimatsu asked, smiling slightly.

"No," Inuyasha snapped, thinking that Jimatsu was making fun of him. "And I didn't throw it, I kicked it, and I'm not angry."

The demon raised an eyebrow, dropping his hand away from his forehead. "Want to talk?"

"No," Inuyasha retorted. "You're bleeding," he added.

Jimatsu gingerly touched his fingertips to his forehead and drew them away. "So I am."

"Sorry," Inuyasha repeated. Gods, why did stupid little things like this always happen to him?

"You didn't do it on purpose. At least, I don't think you did. Don't apologize."

Inuyasha stared out at the lake, silent. For a while neither of them spoke, the only noise coming from the ducks.

"Ever get the urge to chase them?" Jimatsu asked suddenly.

"What?"

"The ducks," Jimatsu indicated with a wave of his hand. "Do you ever want to chase them?"

'Is he trying to make fun of me?' Inuyasha wondered. Sometimes he did, but why would he care?

"Why?" Inuyasha asked, looking down at the lord who was still sitting in the grass.

"Sometimes I want to chase them. Rabbits too. I did when I was younger," Jimatsu said, not looking up.

"Why are you telling me this?" the half-demon asked cautiously.

"Why not? It doesn't hurt anyone."

Inuyasha stared at him for a moment longer before taking a seat on the ground as well. Propping his head up with his fists, he gazed at the ducks too. One of them was a mother; she had several little ducklings floating behind her.

"Kagome told me a story about ducks once," he said suddenly.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. There was this baby duck that was really ugly and didn't fit in. The mother loved the ugly one, but none of the other baby ducks liked him. They made fun of him. Then the ugly baby duck got left behind, all alone."

The demon was silent for a moment. "How did it end?"

Scowling, Inuyasha picked up a rock and lobbed it at the ducks. "Stupidly."

The stone plunked into the water and the startled ducks quacked, taking flight. The two people sitting on the shore watched them go without a word.

"I can relate to the poor duck," Jimatsu said. Inuyasha looked at him.

"How?" he demanded, his voice laced with disbelief.

"I didn't fit in as a child either."

Inuyasha snorted. "Sure you didn't."

"Is it really so hard to believe? You of all people know how fickle the world can be," Jimatsu said, looking at the half-demon.

Inuyasha launched another rock into the water, saying nothing.

"Yes, I certainly didn't fit in at all. Come to think of it, I still don't really fit in," the demon mused.

"At least you're a full demon," Inuyasha muttered bitterly.

"I suppose. But being full demon is only part of what it takes to be accepted in such a fussy Court."

Inuyasha hadn't heard anyone talk about the Court like that before. "What's so wrong with you that they couldn't accept you even though you're full demon?"

"I'm a bastard child," Jimatsu said simply. "My mother was a common whore my father took a liking to. I'm the result. My father was always ashamed of my less than perfect bloodline; he told everyone that I'm Ochiba's twin younger brother, but people know." Jimatsu smiled. "At the very least, you are a pure noble. Your mother was a human princess if I recall correctly; that counts for something."

Inuyasha scoffed. "Sure, a whole lot…" He paused. "Where's your mother now?"

"My father spread a vicious rumor about her after I was born; she left the city out of shame. She left before I was old enough to remember her."

"Sorry…"

"Don't be."

It was silent once again. "How'd you do it then? Didn't it bother you, the way everyone treated you?" Inuyasha demanded abruptly. He wanted to know; he'd never met anyone that was remotely similar to him like this. How did he do it?

"It bothered me a great deal. I couldn't stand it. I wanted people to see me for who I was, but they couldn't get past what I was. One night, when I was only 540 years old, I tried to commit seppuku."

"What happened?" Inuyasha asked quietly.

"Someone caught me of course. They wanted to know why and I told them, convinced they'd leave me like all the rest once they knew the truth. I was wrong. They hit me and called me a fool. They told me that it didn't matter what other people thought; what mattered was what I thought. That night, he showed me that I wasn't worthless."

The very words Inuyasha had always longed to hear from someone, someone other than Kagome. "Who said that?"

"Lord Sesshomaru."

"What!"

Jimatsu nodded. "Lord Sesshomaru saved my life that night. He opened my eyes to the truth and I will be forever grateful to him. I pledge my loyalty to him because I know he is a good person; I will never betray him."

Inuyasha was stunned. That was impossible. His brother had said that? Did he truly believe that? If he did, then why did Sesshomaru always treat him like shit? It didn't make any sense.

"It's getting late," Jimatsu said, standing. "We should be getting back to the palace. It will be time for dinner soon."

Inuyasha stood up and gave the returning ducks one last look before accompanying Jimatsu back to the palace.

---

Woo hoo! Sesshomaru-sama to the rescue! Alright, I'm done for now. Tell me what you think!

warning: shameless promotion of fanfic follows

Oh, and anyone who is interested in more of Sesshomaru's private musings should check out "An Explanation of Sorts", which can kind of be considered a prequel to "Absolute Loneliness".


	14. The Words of the Dead

Finally back. I'm sorry for taking... ah, four months to update. ducks projectiles The chapter's longer than usual as an apology. In this installment, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru get into a brilliant argument, with an interesting outcome, and Inuyasha realizes something important. Very important.

---

Dinner passed without incident, the night following suit: Sesshomaru didn't have any more attacks; Ochiba was strangely silent and, aside from the venomous glares she shot at Sesshomaru and Rin occasionally, even though the two weren't physically close enough to warrant such an attitude, provoked no one; Inuyasha had no outbursts at anyone, too absorbed with the evening's revelation to worry about what was going on around him; the twins, Taro and Jiro, were content doing whatever brothers do to keep themselves amused; Jimatsu was busy trying to re-adapt to being a high ranking noble; and Rin, still retaining many of her child-like mannerisms, despite Ochiba's attempts to crush them, freely expressed her current emotion with little restraint, safely hidden from prying eyes in her room. When she finally drifted off to sleep, kitten curled in her arms, her pillow was considerable damper than it had been when she first laid down her head.

The next morning Sesshomaru awoke to quite a considerable to-do list. Apart from his expected duties, he needed to start teaching Rin her lessons, try to talk to Hoshikuzu, if only to apologize for yesterday, sit Inuyasha down and remind exactly what was required of a prince, versus what was demanded, and he had hoped he would have some time to himself, to devote to a little formal fighting practice, which he hadn't had in years. Slightly intimidated by his list, he wondered if he'd been able to finish everything.

He took the most challenging task on the list and tackled that first. What in the gods' names would he teach Rin? The late morning found Sesshomaru sitting with Rin in her room, watching her practice new kanji. No, Rin, the brush stroke is across, then down, not down, then across. He was pleased to discover how quickly she caught on; he needed to correct her only once or twice and she'd stop making the mistake. Of course, this proved to him that Ochiba had been unfair in her punishments, as Rin was obviously very bright and a quick study. Half way through the lessons Sesshomaru realized that he himself could only do so much; he'd have to find her a female instructor, as he simply didn't have the knowledge of what feminine… lessons were, much less what was required to teach them. He also wasn't quite able to teach her the shamisen without some obvious drawbacks, so she'd also need a teacher for that. It couldn't be Ochiba, but that left only one other person whose skill could rival Sesshomaru's, and he didn't really want to talk to that man right now.

The morning having already slipped away, the taiyokai bid the girl good bye as he left to find Inuyasha, as past experiences had taught him that the hanyou didn't take well to being summoned; Sesshomaru was in no mood to argue. He found Inuyasha out in one of the palace's many vast gardens, practicing with Tetsusaiga. Out of sight, he watched his brother silently for a minute, the old jealousy and bitter sense of abandonment creeping up on him unexpectedly. He quickly crushed them, forcing the unwelcome emotions to the back of his mind as he went over to talk to Inuyasha.

"Inuyasha."

He turned upon hearing his name, the Tetsusaiga shrinking back to its temporary, rusted form.

"What is it?" he responded, noting something in the demon's voice that made him pay attention.

"I need to talk to you," Sesshomaru answered truthfully, the two of them moving to sit on the engawa. "How go your studies in politics?"

"Fine. Boringly." Inuyasha want to know what was so important that Sesshomaru felt the need to seek him out to talk to him about it.

"But you understand it?" Sesshomaru pressed.

"Yeah, I understand it, but I don't see much of a point to it. I mean, it's not like I use any of it," Inuyasha said, the look on his brother's face telling him that he probably shouldn't have said that.

"You will use it soon."

Oh yeah, definitely shouldn't have said that.

Sesshomaru continued. "As a prince, you are expected to handle some ceremonies of state, like entertaining diplomats, passing certain laws, and addressing anything else you think needs it."

"Gods, not this garbage again," Inuyasha groaned, leaning back onto his hands.

"Inuyasha," Sesshomaru warned.

"No, why do you have to keep bothering me about this?" Inuyasha complained. "I don't really care about running a government, nor do I want to. I came to live at this stupid palace with you, and I'm taking all these dumb lessons, doing all this useless shit for no other reason besides that you'd like me to and you used Dad as a guilt factor. The least you could do is leave me the hell alone." Sesshomaru tried to interrupt but Inuyasha kept going. "No, I don't want anything to do with law-making or treaties or stuck-up nobles or anything like that! You can have it! Just let me live as I want, with my family, in peace. I already conformed to half your other crap; give me a little freedom."

Sesshomaru was silent. Inuyasha still didn't get it. What was so hard to understand? One simply couldn't shrug off all the responsibility birth and status gave a person; that was impossible.

"Inuyasha, you are a prince, whether you like it or not. You have to behave as such; you can't just-"

"You don't understand; I don't have to do anything," Inuyasha interrupted, a cross look on his face. "That's where you and I differ, Sesshomaru. I don't have to do anything; you think you do."

A faintly sick feeling crept into being and Sesshomaru fought it. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, you don't actually have to do any of this shit. You could get up and walk away at anytime, leave all of this behind," Inuyasha said, annoyed.

"I could not," Sesshomaru contradicted, slight horror in his voice from the very idea.

"Why is that?" Inuyasha demanded.

"I am the Lord of the Western Lands; it is my duty to rule," Sesshomaru said. "I simply can't leave."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why?" Sesshomaru snapped, irritated. "I would have thought the reason to be obvious."

"Why can't you just leave? Give me a good reason, aside from duty and honor and pride and all those other idiocies."

"Other idiocies; what, duty and honor aren't good enough reasons?" Sesshomaru growled scathingly.

"Not for me they're not," Inuyasha retorted.

"Last time I checked, your opinion didn't stand for everyone's," Sesshomaru replied smoothly, glancing at Inuyasha's ears.

A look of anger passed over Inuyasha's face. "It's enough."

Sesshomaru stood up. "I don't have time for this," he muttered.

"Stop trying to dodge the question, Sesshomaru!" Inuyasha shouted, jumping to his feet. "Answer, if it's so important to you that you can't leave!"

"I don't have to tell you anything," Sesshomaru said contemptuously, turning to walk away.

"Stop running away!" Inuyasha yelled He knew these were going to be cheap shots, but he didn't care. He wanted answers. "You're always running away! That's the real reason you didn't take back the throne the day you were exiled; we all know it! You're a coward!"

Keep walking, Sesshomaru told himself; his words are of no consequence. But he stopped anyway, turning back to face Inuyasha.

"No one can run away from their duty!" Sesshomaru said, surprised to find himself yelling. "You could never understand! You talk about just walking away, from everything! It's not that simple!"

"Why not?" Inuyasha demanded again, lowering his voice now that he had his brother's attention.

"It's your duty; your honor is to uphold your duty," Sesshomaru answered automatically, just as he had been taught long ago.

"Forget honor; forget duty. Then what's holding you here?" Inuyasha asked, having walked over to Sesshomaru, staring determinedly at him.

Sesshomaru was silent for a beat, lost. Without honor; without duty? "It simply isn't done, Inuyasha. It simply isn't done," he answered, a strange exhaustion claiming him, slipping into his words, making him sound much older than he actually was.

"That's your reason?" Inuyasha said, disgust written all over his face. "'It simply isn't done?'"

"Inuyasha," Sesshomaru tried, knowing his brother wouldn't understand. "That's how it is. You were never told; no one raised you properly-"

"No one _raised_ me-?"

"-It just doesn't work the way you hoped it would." Gods, when had he ever been this tired?

"That's crap," Inuyasha stated flatly. "Total crap. 'It simply isn't done.' That's not a reason at all; that's an excuse."

"You would have never been able to look Chichiue in the face and tell him that," Sesshomaru said, some part of him believing that Inuyasha probably could have. He wondered why he even bothered to say that.

Inuyasha frowned. "Is that what it is?" he asked, even as he knew he was right. That was the reason. "Pathetic."

"What?"

"Pathetic," Inuyasha repeated. "You really don't want to be here at all, do you? Deep inside, you don't want to be here. The words of the dead are what trap you here!"

"Inuyasha, what are you talking about?" Sesshomaru demanded. The sick feeling from earlier, not properly killed, swept over him. Nausea loomed threateningly, and Sesshomaru swallowed with some difficulty.

Inuyasha saw the change on Sesshomaru's face; it expelled all doubt. He was right. "Sesshomaru, Dad's been dead over 70 years now. What he said doesn't matter anymore!"

Sesshomaru's stomach flipped and his chest clenched painfully. "How dare you speak of Chichiue that way?" he forced out angrily though gritted teeth.

Inuyasha's face was a mixture of amazement, disgust, and a little bit of fear. "Gods, you have some major problems, don't you? What d'they do, brainwash you when you were a kid?" he asked in bewilderment, using a term he had learned from Kagome several years prior.

"What are you talking about?" Sesshomaru repeated, the slang confusing him. Agh, this felt so appalling, so horrible. Was he having another attack? If he was, it wasn't as bad as the last one, but still revolting.

"Sesshomaru, you need help," Inuyasha said matter-of-factly.

"I do not," Sesshomaru muttered stubbornly, thinking that Inuyasha was referring to the attack.

"Whatever," Inuyasha replied, turning to walk away. "Go back to playing king; just leave me out of it."

Sesshomaru let Inuyasha go; he didn't think he could spare the energy to go after him. He was so tired, so unbelievable tired. As much as he hated to admit it, he really needed to talk to Hoshikuzu. He went to walk inside; bile rose up in his throat, which he choked back down before coughing. Damn! He felt tired, light-headed; he had to talk to that damn onmyoji. This was becoming outright ridiculous. His vision abruptly shifted, throwing him completely off balance; he swayed dangerously, then collapsed, white hair fanning out around him.

-

Inuyasha had made it about half way down the hall before he was stopped dead in his tracks by a piercing scream.

"Sesshomaru-sama!"

He ran towards the shrieking; it sounded like Rin. Gods, what now?! Sesshomaru had better not have done something stupid; Inuyasha had just about had it for the day. He slid to a halt in front of the door out into the garden.

"Rin, what's-" the words died on his tongue as the scene before him registered.

Rin was kneeling on the ground next to Sesshomaru's prone form; he wasn't moving.

"Inuyasha-sama, please help Sesshomaru-sama!" Rin cried, tears threatening to spill over.

Her plea jolted Inuyasha out of his stupor; he jumped down next to them.

"What happened?"

"I don't know," Rin sobbed. "I was about to come outside, and I saw him fall."

Inuyasha placed a hand on Sesshomaru's back; he was breathing at least. He gently shook him. "Sesshomaru, wake up."

No response.

"Rin, go get…" Not Ochiba; Jimatsu? "Go get Jimatsu; tell him something's wrong with Sesshomaru. I'll try to get him inside."

Rin sniffed, nodded, and ran off.

Which left Inuyasha with the task of getting Sesshomaru inside… Crud.

Inuyasha grabbed Sesshomaru by the shoulder and tried to pull him off the ground enough to slip his arm under across his brother's chest. He managed after a few seconds of struggling; Sesshomaru was at least a head taller than him and therefore had a weight to match. Normally that wouldn't have been a problem, but usually the things heavier than Inuyasha that he tried lifting were things he wanted to hurt, not help. Trying to be gentle severely limited what he could do.

Crouching while retaining a grip on Sesshomaru, Inuyasha tried to stand up, but couldn't get Sesshomaru off the ground enough.

"Why are you such of heavy dead weight?" he growled through gritted teeth, shifting his arms lower for a better grip.

He tried again, throwing his weight back and heaving Sesshomaru up into a vaguely upright position, then-

"Shit!"

-Inuyasha promptly over-balanced, falling backwards and dragging Sesshomaru down onto of him. The taiyokai's full weight crashed into Inuyasha, knocking the wind out of him.

Snarling a few crude words, most of which were four lettered, Inuyasha found himself pinned down under his brother. He struggled in vain for a few seconds before slamming his head against the ground in annoyance, a frustrated sigh slipping out. Perfect; one of his best moves yet. He supposed there was some horrible irony to this, but it didn't reveal itself.

Inuyasha looked at Sesshomaru, whose face was mere inches away from his and who was still blessedly unconscious. He was fairly certain he would outright die if Sesshomaru woke up right now; he blushed just thinking about it.

Shifting uncomfortably, he stopped suddenly as a pained cry escaped Sesshomaru. What the… Inuyasha laid his head on the ground, trying to look towards Sesshomaru's feet. The stupid fluffy fur thing! He flattened it out of the way, straining his neck to see. No luck. He moved slightly to get a better view, biting down a yelp as pain unexpectedly bit into the side of his leg; another hurt whimper escaped Sesshomaru, his face twisted into a grimace.

What the hell did that? Inuyasha pushed Sesshomaru up off him- his head lolled forward limply, which freaked Inuyasha out only a little- digging heels in and managing to wriggle out a little. Laying Sesshomaru back down, Inuyasha was able to twist to the side slightly, just enough to see past the fluff to Sesshomaru's boots.

Tokijin's hilt stuck out at an odd angle from under Sesshomaru; his hakama just below that and the soil directly underneath were stained red.

"Shit," Inuyasha growled.

"Sesshomaru-sama!" Jimatsu appeared next to them, concern written all over his face.

Inuyasha knew his face was probably a deep red color as Jimatsu swiftly rolled Sesshomaru off of him. He scrambled to his feet; he checked his leg and found a small cut on his calf. Rin began crying again as soon as she saw Sesshomaru. Jimatsu looked worried as he examined his lord, gingerly touching the four inch gash on his upper thigh where Tokijin had cut right through the silk. He placed two fingers against Sesshomaru's pulse.

"He's losing too much blood," he muttered, frowning. He wrapped his arm around Sesshomaru's torso and hauled him up over his shoulder; Inuyasha gaped in disbelief.

"Does anyone know why he fainted?" Jimatsu asked over his shoulder as he carried Sesshomaru inside.

"No," Rin sniffed.

They followed Jimatsu as he walked swiftly towards Sesshomaru's room. Inuyasha knew this wasn't a time for jokes, but he couldn't help but find the sight of his elder brother slung over someone's shoulder like a sack horribly amusing. He supposed Sesshomaru was lucky; Jimatsu was one of the few people who stood taller than him, which meant that his long white hair just barely brushed the floor, swaying back and forth with the taller yokai's steps.

The servants they passed gasped and leaped out of the way, staring in shock at Sesshomaru's limp body. They had almost reached his room when Hoshikuzu came running up to them.

"He's fainted?" he asked quickly, falling into step with Jimatsu. He ignored the servant by the door and opened the shoji himself; Jimatsu swept passed him and carefully laid Sesshomaru down on the tatami. They both knelt down, Rin as well; Inuyasha remained standing.

"Yes; we don't know why," Jimatsu replied, pulling off his sash and pressing it against the wound on the taiyokai's leg.

"What happened directly before? Was anyone with him?" Hoshikuzu asked, sending a frantic-looking servant for water and bandages. The frightened boy had to push past a small crowd of equally distraught servants to get into the hall; a few of them took the chance to slip into the room themselves to kneel at attention, waiting to see if they could be of assistance as well.

"I was there before he fainted," Inuyasha admitted, praying that this wasn't his fault.

"What happened? How was he acting?" the onmyoji demanded, looking sharply at the hanyou.

"Well, we were arguing and he… I don't know, didn't look right. Kinda like he was going to be sick or something," Inuyasha muttered crossly. Damn, this better not be his fault!

"And then he fainted?"

"I went back inside, so I don't know. I was only a little way off when I heard Rin," he added.

Hoshikuzu turned to Rin. "You saw Sesshomaru-sama faint?"

Rin nodded. "Rin was looking for him and heard them arguing; she saw Inuyasha walk away and went to the door to find Sesshomaru-sama," Rin said, still tearful, her distress bring out the third person in her speech. "He was standing there; he looked almost dizzy, then he fell to the ground!"

Hoshikuzu sighed, gazing down at Sesshomaru. "So it has started," he murmured sadly.

"What's started?" Jimatsu demanded, his worry surfacing as anger.

"The entrance of Water and Fire into Yang," he said, which only served to confuse everyone further.

The servant returned with bandages and a bowl of water, placing them by Jimatsu before retreating to the door. Jimatsu removed Sesshomaru's hakama and began to expertly clean and dress the injury.

"It will certainly be interesting," Hoshikuzu whispered.

"My lord!"

The shoji door clattered back and Jaken burst into the room. "My Lord Sesshomaru!" the toad cried, running to his side. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Inuyasha blinked at Jaken before answering; he had forgotten about him. "Sesshomaru fainted. This guy seems to know why, but hasn't given us a straight answer." He jerked his thumb at Hoshikuzu.

"Well then! What's wrong with m'lord?!" Jaken demanded. "What happened to Lord Sesshomaru!"

"Calm yourself, little one," Hoshikuzu said with a small smile. "What's your name?"

"I am Jaken."

"He was Sesshomaru's retainer while he was exiled," Inuyasha explained, since Jaken's answer wasn't helpful.

"So ka?" Hoshikuzu looked at Jaken with a new expression. "You must care about him very much."

"I do," Jaken muttered, looking at his lord. "Sesshomaru-sama! Please wake up!" he cried suddenly, flinging himself to the floor by Sesshomaru's place there.

"Please tell us what is wrong with our lord," Jimatsu asked, finished tending the cut.

"As I've already said, his Water and Fire are entering his Yang-"

"Yeah, but none of us have any idea what you're talking about," Inuyasha pointed out.

"To make a long explanation short, Sesshomaru has been repressing two very important parts of his person for a very long time; namely, his compassion and anger-"

"His anger!" Inuyasha cut in again. "He's definitely had no problem showing that!"

"Granted, he has let his rage shine through more often than his compassion, but not to its full extent. Besides, that's not the real problem."

"Then what is?"

"The problem isn't so much that he does show them, because he does, from time to time; the problem is that he denies that he's capable of such feeling. He tells himself that he doesn't feel those things. Blinding fury, gentle love; both of those things, no matter how different they seem, are essentially the same thing. They cause the same lack of control when experienced by a person." He shook his head. "Sesshomaru-sama has become so dependent on the control he has over those feelings that to lose it… Well, we'll see. Control is an illusion, you understand; to have it broken is a life-altering experience. To have your sense of control wrapped up in the repression of anger and compassion… It will make their emergence more strenuous. Really, our lord truly choose the wrong things to depend on."

Everyone was silent, digesting this. Jaken spoke first.

"Will he be alright?" the anxious demon asked.

"It will certainly be interesting," Hoshikuzu said again, not answering the question.

"How do you know all this?" Jimatsu questioned, a light note of suspicion to his voice.

"I've witnessed this on one other occasion," Hoshikuzu explained. "Although that case was not nearly as severe or complicated as our lord's."

The servants had kept themselves busy the past few minutes, pulling out the futon and comforters. Jimatsu lifted Sesshomaru once more and placed him on the bed, pulling the blankets up to his chest.

"He might develop a fever," Hoshikuzu said over everyone from where he was now standing. "Cool water will help that, but there's really nothing we can do for him but make him as comfortable as possible while we wait."

Jimatsu stood up next to the onmyoji. "Will Sesshomaru-sama be alright?" he whispered.

"That is up to him to decide," Hoshikuzu answered, not soothing Jimatsu's fears one bit.

They were all silence by a small moan that escaped Sesshomaru; he shifted, the expression on his face one of distress, then fell still once more, face blanking again.

"He's dreaming," Hoshikuzu explained. "Revisiting memories he has tried to block out, for one reason or another."

"There's nothing we can do for our lord?" Jaken pleaded.

Hoshikuzu shook his head. "Do what you can for him. I'll come back in a little while to see how he's doing." The onmyoji left.

Inuyasha looked at his brother, then his eyes traveled over the faces of those crowded anxiously around his bed; to Jimatsu, regal face drawn tight with worry; to Rin, whose tear stained cheeks reflected the tiniest bit of light; to Jaken, who looked like his only reason for living had vanished.

'I don't belong in here with these people,' he thought, a tightness in his throat. Inuyasha left, quietly shutting the door behind him.

---

Poor Sesshomaru. I do such mean things to my favorite characters. Next chapter we'll see some of those memories Sesshomaru's tried to ignore. Remember, this story requires a very special diet to ensure a healthy chapter and a quick update: reviews!


	15. Remembering

Finally, an update. Short, but coupled with a second chapter. These two chapters, the 15th and 16th, are the memories Hoshikuzu warned about in the last chapter. So, have fun.

---

"What do you want?" Sesshomaru's cool voice cut across the empty winter garden.

"You found me," said an embarrassed voice from behind a pine tree. A young yokai stepped out from behind it and watched the still form of his peer. So this was the Prince Sesshomaru. He certainly seemed to fit Ochiba's description of being cold enough to freeze blood.

Sesshomaru glanced over his shoulder at the boy. "What do you want?"

"My name's Jimatsu," the new-comer said.

"I didn't ask what your name was," Sesshomaru said bluntly.

Jimatsu winced. Ohh, this was going to be harder than he thought.

"I just wanted to spend sometime outside," Jimatsu said innocently.

Sesshomaru had nothing to say to this, staring at the frost-covered plants in silence. Jimastsu… Ochiba's twin, his uncle's son; a cousin. He had never spoken to him, just glimpsed him from afar a few times. He heard that the boy spent most of his time at his father's house in the city.

"What are you doing out here?" Jimatsu's question brought him out of his musings. Sesshomaru cast a glance back at him, and said nothing.

Jimatsu sighed inwardly. Wow, you couldn't get this guy to shut up, could you?

"Do you want to play kemari?"

This actually got a reaction from the prince. Sesshomaru turned around and looked at him, fully taking him in from head to toe.

"You don't have a ball," Sesshomaru said finally.

"We'll go find one," Jimatsu said brightly.

Sesshomaru stared at him, uncertain. What did he want?

"Alright."

An hour or so later a page girl was sent to find Sesshomaru. He hadn't shown up for his calligraphy lesson, and his mother was getting cross. Sesshomaru was happily kicking around a leather ball with Jimatsu when she found him.

"Prince Sesshomaru," she called, a touch of disbelief over what she was seeing evident in her voice.

Sesshomaru whirled around. She told him it was time for his lessons and watched his face fall. He turned back to the other boy.

"Let's play again tomorrow," Sesshomaru said, smiling.

Jimatsu grinned. "Sure."

---

Their friendship had started so awkwardly. He always wondered what his life would have been like if Jimatsu had simply walked away…

---

"She's coming!"

Sesshomaru quickly finished setting the bowl and ran over to Jimatsu, who was hiding behind a folding screen. He also ducked down and the two crouched there, silent, waiting. They were both grinning like idiots, he realized, knowing that his face mirrored the stupid smile Jimatsu wore. Jimatsu fidgeted and Sesshomaru gave him a soft whack to still him. If their position was revealed, the plan would be ruined! He couldn't blame the other though; he could barely keep still either. As he heard their prey walk ever closer toward the door, his whole body trembled in excitement, in anticipation.

Closer…

Closer…

His heart was thudding in his chest so loudly he was worried that his victim would hear it.

The footsteps reached the door and it slid back. The person stepped into the room and…

Her foot snagged a silk thread stretched across the length of the entrance. The bowl of freezing cold pond water that had been precariously balanced above the door came down, spilling it contents all over the unfortunate girl. At her startled cry, the two hidden boys burst into laughter.

"You two!" the angry, drenched girl cried, whirling to face the sound of the laughter. She stalked over to the screen and yanked it down, exposing the demon boys who were trying their best to hold back tears of mirth. At the sight of the lily pad stuck in the demoness's hair, they doubled over once more.

"You horrible, horrible freaks!" she shouted, ripping the lily pad off her head and flinging it at the boys.

"Careful, Ochiba; the water might wash off your ugly mask and who knows what's underneath!" Sesshomaru managed to get out, before he and Jimatsu collapsed into hysterics again.

"You'll regret this!" she shrieked, her tears mixing with the water to effectively conceal them. She ran off, leaving the boys to get a hold of themselves and escape as well before their fathers caught them skipping their history lesson.

Sesshomaru peeked around the corner and glimpsed Ochiba walking towards him. He quickly gave the signal to Jimatsu, who was on the other side of the roofed walkway that connected the two buildings. They both hid and waited.

Ochiba passed not a foot from Sesshomaru and didn't even notice him. He was sorely tempted to reach out and grab her, to spook her, but he restrained himself for the sake of the trick. She passed through the doorway and out on to the walkway. Sesshomaru slowly stood up from his hiding place and quietly moved towards the sliding double doors. Listening closely for the sound…

There it was! As soon as he heard Jimatsu's doors shut, he slammed his shut and locked them, effectively trapping the girl in the walkway between the buildings. Sprinting as fast as dignity would allow, he met up with Jimatsu two halls down from Ochiba's current prison and snickered at their newest prank.

"How long until someone finds her, you think?" Jimatsu asked as they walked towards the Inner Courtyard.

"Depends," Sesshomaru answered. "There won't be anyone through there for at least another hour or so, unless she starts yelling or something."

"She wouldn't yell," Jimatsu said. "Her situation's too degrading."

Sesshomaru grinned. "Exactly."

Sesshomaru and Jimatsu were at it again. They had resurrected an old trick, the bowl of water over the door, one that hadn't been used since that first time over a year ago, and had made the idea even better. Instead of pond water, the bowl was filled with ink. Sesshomaru couldn't wait to see his plan put into action. The room was different and so was their hiding place, but both demon children hoped the outcome would be as spectacular as before, or better still. Jimatsu and the presumed Heir Apparent snickered and whispered in barely contained excitement, falling silent as soon as they had their targets approaching footsteps. Once again, she drew closer and closer, completely oblivious to their plot.

They were both so preoccupied with listening to their forthcoming victim that they failed to notice the footfall coming toward the room's other entrance.

The door opened and the bowl fell down onto Ochiba, coating her hair and kimono, not to mention a good part of the tatami mat, in jet black ink. Tears welled up in her eyes as the boys howled with laughter.

"Sesshomaru! Jimatsu!"

Sesshomaru's laughter cut off immediately as he whirled around to face the voice, Jimatsu's actions mirroring his. The bottom of his stomach dropped out as he saw who it was.

The Inu no Taisho stood there, having come to find out why Sesshomaru wasn't at his kyudo lesson, looking at his son in a way that made the poor boy wish he were dead right there.

"Chichiue," Sesshomaru began weakly, faintly, but stopped as his father shifted the full force of his gaze to him.

"What has happened here?" the lord demanded.

Both boys fidgeted uneasily, staring at the floor as if it had just become the most interesting thing they had ever seen.

"Well?" he prompted.

Sesshomaru knew that he wanted an answer. "I…" he tried, lost his nerve, regained it and started again. "I played a trick on Ochiba, Chichiue."

"So did I," Jimatsu added from near Sesshomaru's elbow; he hadn't been able to take the ruler's accusing gaze head-on and so had unconsciously shrank behind his friend.

"I see. This trick involved ruining her kimono, no doubt."

Both boys bit their lip.

"I'm very disappointed in the both of you," he said, eyeing Jimatsu first (who shrank back more), then the other. "Especially you, Sesshomaru. I expected better behavior from my son."

Sesshomaru's face burned with embarrassment. Chichiue was so angry with him! And as if the shame wasn't enough already, Ochiba was here to witness it!

His father dismissed Ochiba (who had a wicked smirk on her face) and Jimatsu, ordering them to go to their father; he'd deal with them. He then turned his attention to Sesshomaru, who seemed to recoil from the harsh glare, and told him to follow. The young boy did so, falling in step behind him as he was led outside to the garden wall through the pouring rain.

He was told to stay and he did, feeling much like a pup as Chichiue walked over to the bamboo growing a few feet away. The rain, fat, heavy, cold drops that came down side-ways in sheets, nearly blinded him. His father returned, something hidden in the folds of his clothes.

"Drop your hakama to your ankles," he commanded, almost yelling to be heard over the rain.

Sesshomaru did, grateful that no one else would see this. The hakama, as soaked as thoroughly as their owner, crumpled to the ground.

"Place your hands on the wall and stand there," Chichiue coolly instructed.

The boy did, locking his knees and readier himself for what was coming, blinking rain out of his eyes.

Crack!

Sesshomaru bit back a yelp as the bamboo rod struck him painfully on his bare lower legs. Schooling himself not to scream, he took a deep breath, determined not to buckle, not to cry out.

Crack!

Sesshomaru flinched, his knees almost giving out.

Crack!

He bit down on his lip, hard.

Crack!

He tasted blood.

Crack!

Don't cry out.

Crack!

Don't cry out.

Crack!

Don't cry out!

Crack!

"Chichiue!"

Crack!

Don't-

Crack!

"Stop!"

Crack!

-cry-

Crack!

"Please, stop!"

Crack!

-out!

Crack!

"I'm sorry!"

Crack!

"Chichiue!" he shrieked.

The blows stopped. Shaking, Sesshomaru slipped to the ground, wincing as he knelt there. He felt so pathetic, so ashamed, and it hurt so much.

"Don't do that again," the Inu no Taisho said plainly, and returned inside.

Sesshomaru couldn't remember how long he stayed out there, but finally he hauled up his hakama, grimacing as the fabric clung to his raw skin, and trudged out of the rain. Once he was back in his room, he collapsed onto his bed, completely numb, drifting into a sleep in which he dreamt fitfully of shame and honor, and torture at the hands of Ochiba.

---

He remembered. He had woken up the next morning with a fever, and had concluded that he was being punished for his actions. He had resolved never to prank Ochiba like that again, and he didn't. He never forgot the bite of bamboo or, more importantly, the burning shame of disappointing someone whom he sought so hard to please.

---

First half of memory lane travelled. The second half awaits...


	16. Painful Memories

The second half of memory lane. I'm considering putting up a link to diagrams of the palace grounds, the city, and a shinden. Tell me if that would help you.

---

Sesshomaru walked through the darkened halls, intent on finding his companion. Those drunken fools who had made snide comment had been given his full opinion before he left. What they said was down right cruel, elaborations of the taunts they had merely hinted at before, in a more sober atmosphere. Granted, the idiots hadn't realized what they were saying; they were inebriated, after all. Jimatsu, who the comments were directed at, had fled in embarrassment a few minutes prior. Just walking out of a full moon viewing party; really, distasteful. But he suspected that his friend had a little more than enough to drink, as the back of his mind informed him (in a quiet voice that was barely noticed) that he probably was the same way.

As he passed by rooms he could hear light laughter and giggles emanating from behind closed shoji doors. He knew if he were to suddenly slide back a door it would reveal several of his mother's lady-in-waitings, all of whom were probably clad only in hakama, a small sleeved kimono, and two robes. Practically naked by formality's standards. He smirked at the thought, but resisted temptation. He didn't want to hear any screaming.

Jimatsu was probably in his room, or so Sesshomaru hoped. Despite having a private residence in the city like most other nobles, Jimatsu usually stayed in the palace. Years ago he had lived primarily at the city house of his father, Sesshomaru's uncle Prince Fujiyu, on the Suzaku Oji (1) in the Shi Jo (2). He had seemingly tired of answering Sesshomaru's frequent summons to the palace, as the Heir Apparent couldn't leave the grounds without a good reason, and wanting to visit a friend was not a good reason. So Jimatsu finally gave in to his friend's urgings and decided to live in the palace, as befitted a p person of his rank. True, he was harassed more, but he ignored it for the sake of being near Sesshomaru.

Silence grew as he passed to the outer rooms of the Inner Palace. He came to Jimatsu's room and slid back the shoji door. His eyes quickly scanned the dark room and he frowned; empty. He shut the door with a loud clack that echoed in the darkness and called over a servant, asking if he had seen Jimatsu.

"His Lord Jimatsu took a horse and left for the city, my lord," the servant informed him.

Sesshomaru turned sharply and walked off without another word. Jimatsu had gone to his city house? That was strange. Sesshomaru thought for a moment, arguing with himself, and decided to follow. His mother would be angry when she found out (and she would find out; she had ears everywhere), but he would just deal with that when it came. He went to the stables and, forgoing the ox-drawn carriage one of his rank should usually travel in, he choose his favorite riding horse, and left through the front gates in an act of childish defiance.

The gates of the Outer Palace opened directly onto the wide Suzaku Oji, which was all but abandoned in the late hour. Sesshomaru rode down the street, admiring the willows which lined either side of it, until he came to the corner of Shijo (3), two jo (4) away from the walls of the Greater Palace, across from the Suzaku Palace (5). Here was Jimatsu's shinden (6), enclosed with white stone walls. He rode up to the main gate that faced the south and rode through, then halted as a page boy ran up quickly from the middle gate.

"Good evening, my lord," the boy said as Sesshomaru dismounted. "I am filled with regret to inform that I cannot permit any visitors this night: my lord has commanded me."

Sesshomaru straightened up and faced the page, who gasped and bent deeply at the waist upon realizing who stood before him.

"I fully intend to see Lord Jimatsu," he said curtly. "And you will open the gate."

The boy opened the gate and took Sesshomaru's horse to the stables as the taiyokai walked through the garden to the western pavilion. The compound was strangely silent; not even the birds could be heard. He had seen no servants since arriving, except for the boy who met him at the door. Quietly he walked up to Jimatsu's room and slowly slid back the door, making no sound.

Jimatsu knelt on the floor in the center of the room. He had slipped off the sleeves of his white kosode, and his long off-white hair hung down his back like a curtain. His eyes were shut, as if in deep contemplation, and before him on a cushion of white rested a wakizushi. It was immediately apparent what the yokai was planning to do.

"Jimatsu!" Sesshomaru barked, stepping into the room and swiftly shutting the door behind him. Jimatsu jumped, startled out of his meditation.

Sesshomaru crossed the room and stood in front of Jimatsu, who stared up numbly at him. "What were you doing?" Sesshomaru demanded, although he already knew exactly what.

A fleeting smile brushed Jimatsu's lips. "My lord, you would be my second?" he asked faintly.

Sesshomaru brought back his hand and struck Jimatsu across the face in one fluid motion. Jimatsu's head snapped to the side.

"And why would I do that?" Sesshomaru hissed darkly. "What would possess you to do this? What shame have you endure that would drive this blade so deep? There is no reason-"

"Forgive me, my lord," Jimatsu interrupted quietly, eyes on the floor. "But you have no idea what you are talking about." There was a hint of anger to his voice.

Sesshomaru was taken aback by Jimatsu's bluntness. "Excuse me? I have seen no reason why you would go to such extremes-"

"Do you know what I am, my lord?" Jimatsu asked sharply, eyes meeting Sesshomaru's with such an intensity that Sesshomaru almost drew back. "Do you?"

"Wha-"

"I am a bastard child, my lord," Jimatsu said with restrained fury. "I am the child of my father, and a common _whore_." He practically spat the word. Sesshomaru started in disbelief. "No one believes that lie about Ochiba being my twin. I have off-white hair (7); I am ridiculously tall. It would seem, my lord, that you are the last to know. I have no place in that court. I have no place anywhere. You have no idea-" Tears began to stream down his face. "-what I have suffered through in that palace. My own father hates me! I will probably never marry; what father would allow their daughter to marry me? To be constantly ridiculed, for something I had no control over, is hell, my lord. Hell. You cannot begin to imagine."

Jimatsu fell silent. Sesshomaru was speechless. He knew Jimatsu was mocked sometimes, but he never knew to what extent. Or the under-lying reason. Sesshomaru suddenly felt guilty. Why had he never noticed?

"But, why?" he managed.

"I am worthless, my lord," Jimatsu muttered ruefully. "Don't waste your concern on someone like me."

"You are not worthless," Sesshomaru said firmly.

"I wish I could believe you."

"You aren't worthless. It doesn't matter what others say about you," Sesshomaru said fiercely. "If they are low enough to insult you, then they aren't worth your time. Don't give them the satisfaction by believing what they say. They-"

"You can say this only because you have never been through this," Jimatsu said.

Sesshomaru thought of his mother, and all the words he bore. "No one can make you feel inferior unless you let them."

Silence.

"Besides, my lord, my love will come to naught. I don't even have that to look to," Jimatsu muttered finally.

"What?"

Jimatsu slowly raised his eyes and looked at Sesshomaru, who was suddenly struck by how beautiful his friend is. Jimatsu leaned forward slightly, paused, then gently touched his lips to Sesshomaru's. The taiyokai was too shocked to move.

Jimatsu began to pull back and Sesshomaru grabbed his wrist. Jimatsu stared at him, fearful that his friend was about to truly denounce him forever. Equally hesitant, Sesshomaru swept his lips across Jimatsu's. They stared at each other in shock and curiosity for a long time, then they leaned in again.

Sesshomaru didn't leave until earlier the next morning.

---

That's right. He had, hadn't he? No wonder Jimatsu still had feelings for him. They had been very close, very close, after that. Sesshomaru and Jimatsu spent a great many days, and nights, at Fujiyu's shinden.

---

Sesshomaru walked down the hall, a disinterested look on his face. Inside however, he was a tangle of frustration and resentment. The words Chichiue had said the night before kept swirling through his mind, distracting his thoughts.

'_Do you have anything you want to protect?'_ Of course not; why would he, Sesshomaru, have something to protect? The few things of importance to him could take care of themselves. Things that couldn't even do that weren't worthy of his time.

'_Why are you so intent on power?' _He wasn't intent on power, per se. Everyone wanted to grow in strength; it was only natural. He only seemed obsessed with it because he wanted to surpass Chichiue, and, although he never consciously admitted it, he needed a distraction because seeing Chichiue infatuated over a ningen has made him sick. Deeper than that, where he noticed it only as a fleeting sensation that was barely recognizable, was the sadness that Chichiue didn't notice him anymore.

He gritted his teeth unknowingly. Damn ningen women. He hated her; so weak and pathetic. And to think that she would bare his father a child…! Disgusting.

Sesshomaru turned a corner, happening upon a group of noble women who were talking quietly amongst themselves. As soon as they caught sight of Sesshomaru, they fell silent, watching him discreetly as he walked by. Why, the nerve! Ignoring their rudeness, Sesshomaru continued on towards no destination unparticular; he was just wandering.

He was maybe 20 paces away when the women began whispering again.

"Will he be Lord of the Western Lands, now that the Inu no Taisho has passed on?"

Sesshomaru stopped dead in his tracks. What did she say? He began walking again, and slowly broke into a run. No way! There's no way Chichiue's dead! He sprinted to the Shishinden, where his mother usually was this time of day, addressing some of the court. He was oblivious to the stares of the on-looking nobles, many of whom looked shocked at his unbecoming behavior.

He didn't wait to be announced, throwing open the double doors and running in, coming to a halt half way to the raised dais upon which Lady Ainiueru sat.

"Ainiueru-san!" Sesshomaru called, the rest of the Court on either side frozen in stunned silence. "Chichiue ga-" He broke off for a moment, struggling to get a hold of himself. He probably looked like a fool; he certainly felt like one.

"The Inu no Taisho," he tried again, grasping desperately at a shred of formality. "He has- Surely he has not-"

Ainiueru cut him off. "Guards, arrest this man!" the empress commanded, an outstretched finger pointed directly at Sesshomaru.

"What?!"

The ornately dressed but still lethally effective guards of the Right quickly surround the shocked demon. Tense, Sesshomaru eyed them each in turn. Eight against one wasn't spectacular odds, but he could manage if need be.

"What is this about?" Sesshomaru asked warily.

"Sesshomaru, you are hereby charged with high treason against the throne," Ainiueru's voice rang out over the silent audience hall.

"On what grounds?!" Sesshomaru demanded, his words laced with a mixture of disbelief and anger. He has never risen against the Court or the throne.

Hachi and Fujiyu stepped up next to the dais.

"You left the palace grounds last night, did you not?" Hachi inquired, his tone suggesting that he was already well aware of the answer.

"For what purpose will this line of questioning serve?" Sesshomaru asked, glaring.

"Kindly answer the question."

"For what purpose is it asked?" Sesshomaru repeated a little louder.

Fujiyu sighed in impatience. "To help the Court determine your guilt or innocence to the charge of treason."

"You are to be my questioners?" Sesshomaru looked between his uncles. That was absurd; it was well-known that they disliked him. It was also well-known that if anything happened to Sesshomaru, being the Inu no Taisho's only legitimate son, they would benefit the most from it, for they could then take the throne.

"We are. Answer the question," Hachi responded.

Sesshomaru glowered. "I did."

"For what purpose would you leave the palace in the middle of the night, without an escort?"

"My reasoning is of no business to the Court," Sesshomaru replied curtly, stubbornness getting the better of it.

"Have you something to hide, Sesshomaru, with your refusal to answer?" Fujiyu prompted.

"No," he snapped, insulted that Fujiyu dropped the honorific. "My reason would be of no interest to the Court." Calm down, he told himself.

"We shall let the Court decide that, I think," Ainiueru said lightly, opening her silk fan with a flick of her wrist.

"I smelt blood on the wind," Sesshomaru answered after a pause.

"You did not recognize the scent?"

"I did."

"Then your reason to leave the palace?" Fujiyu pressed.

"I wanted to see for myself." Because it seemed too unbelievable.

"What did you find?" Hachi asked.

"Many things," Sesshomaru answered sarcastically, annoyed with the whole thing. "Birds, snow, bushes-"

"Did you find the source of the blood scent?" Fujiyu cut in, irritated.

"Yes."

"And?"

"The Inu no Taisho."

Murmurs broke out among the members of the Court; Sesshomaru glanced about uneasily, unsure of what to make of it.

"The Inu no Taisho was bleeding?" Hachi asked.

They already knew this, Sesshomaru realized, his eyes narrowing with dissatisfaction. Somehow, his mother and uncles knew of this.

"Yes, he was," Sesshomaru said, now carefully listening for any clue. If they knew what happened, then they were probably trying to set him up.

"Did he know you were there?" Fujiyu asked.

"He did."

"Did you speak with him?"

"We had a conversation," Sesshomaru said slowly. Where were they taking this?

"What did you talk about?" His voice changed, Sesshomaru noticed. This he did not know.

"What the Emperor, the Inu no Taisho, and I spoke about is none of your concern," was Sesshomaru's flat response.

"Sesshomaru," Ainiueru said, mouth hidden by her fan. "Tell the Court what you discussed."

"It is of no import-"

"Sesshomaru." Ainiueru's voice, although not threatening, left not room for argument. The yokai son clenched his teeth.

"We spoke of Ningen Hime and his plans to go to her," he answered reluctantly.

"More specifically, what?" Fujiyu prompted.

Sesshomaru's response was immediate and sharp. "I have answered the question; I need not embellish it."

"The Court might find your unwillingness to answer rude and incriminating," Hachi suggested nastily.

He held back a biting comment with difficulty. "He asked if I would try and stop him from going to Ningen Hime."

"Why would he ask that?" Ainiueru's tone was falsely pleasant.

Sesshomaru shrugged. "It is no secret that many here dislike Ningen Hime and disapprove of their relationship." His mother smothered an ugly smile at the reminder and Sesshomaru was pleased that his little barb had found its mark. "Perhaps he was testing my loyalties."

"And what did you answer?" Hachi asked quickly.

"I told him I would not interfere," Sesshomaru said confidently. Treason to the throne, ha. What fools. There was no way they could find him guilty.

"Did you talk about anything else?" Fujiyu continued, sensing the old line to be worthless.

"Chikara. I asked if I would receive Tetsusaiga and Soun'gun. He asked if I would take them from him if he refused. I said no."

Fujiyu saw an opening. "Why would you ask about his swords?"

Sesshomaru faltered for a bit. "Ningen Hime returned to her village to give birth to a child. I was merely looking for reassurance of my birthright." Oh, that was a lie.

"Sesshomaru, it is inconceivable that a hanyou child would have any claim to that which is rightfully a first-born son's," Fujiyu pointed out.

"Did you doubt your father in this?" Hachi asked.

To cover his lie he would have to lie again. "Yes."

"Why?"

Sesshomaru was silent, then gave his answer; a lie, but a true one. "Love can blind people."

Ainiueru stifled a laugh while Hachi continued.

"Throughout this whole conversation, the Inu no Taisho was bleeding?"

"I smelt fresh blood."

"Did you help him bind his wounds?" Fujiyu asked.

Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed. "He was not."

"That wasn't the question. Did you help him bind his wounds?"

"I would not insult him," Sesshomaru said defensively. Were they implying…?

"So you did not assist him," Hachi repeated. The Court stirred. "When he left for Ningen Hime's village, did you go with him?"

Sesshomaru blinked. "Why would I do that?" he asked before he could stop himself.

"Did you go with him?"

They most definitely did suggest it. "On what grounds do I stand accused of treason?" he asked quietly.

"Please answer the question. Did you-"

"On what grounds do I stand accused of treason?" he repeated, louder.

"Sesshomaru," Fujiyu commanded. "You will answer the ques-"

"I am the Crown Prince of the Western Lands!" Sesshomaru thundered. "You will tell me on what grounds I stand accused!" How dare they ambush him like this, like cowards, not even giving him proper time to prepare! So dishonorable! How dare they insult him!

"Sesshomaru," Ainiueru said coolly. "When the Emperor, the Inu no Taisho, went to the ningen village, you did not accompany him, even though you knew he was injured and of the current state of tension between ningen and yokai. Thus, you failed in your duty as a warrior to his lord, and as a son to his father-"

"I would dare not insult him by suggesting that he required_ my_ help-" Sesshomaru protested angrily, but his mother's voice rode over him.

"And as a result of your actions, our Emperor now lies dead in that ningen village, deprived of even a proper burial!"

Her words stuck him like a heavy weight to his stomach. He could barely breathe. Chichiue was- He actually was… dead? That was impossible. His father, the one who could never lose, so great was his prowess in battle and his skill in strategy; the just and honorable ruler; the kind and loving father? Dead?

The tatami blurred; Sesshomaru stubbornly blinked back tears. Don't give them the satisfaction. The tears trickled down his checks anyways, his face hidden by his hair; the only suggestion to the bystanders that he was crying was the drops that dripped to the floor.

"Have you anything to say for yourself?" Ainiueru demanded.

Sesshomaru didn't answer. He didn't trust himself to speak.

"Fine! Since Sesshomaru has nothing more to say-"

"I would never dishonor Chichiue," he choked out, voice breaking with grief. "It is absurd that you would even entertain such a thought. This accusation is founded not in fact, but in the malicious and fictitious intentions of my accusers!"

"What do you plead, Sesshomaru?" Hachi stepped forward.

Defiant, Sesshomaru locked his eyes with Hachi's. "Not guilty."

"Guards, escort Sesshomaru to his rooms while the Court comes to a decision," Ainiueru instructed.

"No need; I'll escort myself," Sesshomaru snapped before the guards had a chance to respond. He turned on his heel and stormed out of the Shishinden.

In his room Sesshomaru lit a stick of incense on the butsudan (1) and wept bitterly, yet silently, since the guards were stationed outside his doors. How could his father lose to ningen? Granted, he was injured, but they're still just ningen! It made no sense!

That damned woman! If only she hadn't insisted on returning to her village, this never would have happened! Surely Chichiue knew what he was up against and what his condition was; why did he go anyways? Why didn't he live? He cared about that ningen and some half-bred child more than his own son, more than his life? It if weren't for Ningen Hime, Chichiue wouldn't be dead!

Maybe, whispered the back of his mind, Ainiueru-san has a point. If you had gone, then perhaps the Inu no Taisho wouldn't have died. But no, you were too proud, and your pride is what-

No! Sesshomaru grit his teeth. This wasn't his fault. He had no control over what his father did. If he chose to throw his life away even though he had a wife and son-

A strangled sob not properly contained slipped out and Sesshomaru clamped a hand over his mouth. Chichiue was dead! He would never see his father again, his body lost in some filthy ningen village. And, equally, if not more, painful, was the knowledge that the Inu no Taisho chose to die, chose to leave Sesshomaru behind. He wasn't important enough.

What had he said to his father last? That he had nothing to protect? Gods, what a horrible thing to tell him! How those words burned his tongue, begging to be overturned, no matter how great the honest was when they were spoken. There was so much else he could have said, could have told him…

The incense had burned itself out when the guards escorted Sesshomaru back to the Shishinden. Nothing changed in appearance, but inside the yokai felt exhausted. Not being accustomed to crying, he had never realized how tiring it was.

Standing, not sitting as politeness would have dictated- (Sesshomaru figured that it was probably a mute point;) in the center of the room, Hachi and Fujiyu faced him also on their feet, with Ainiueru still seated on the dais. The Court was silent.

"The Court had considered what was said here and a decision had been reached," Hachi announced.

Which meant, of course, that they had called in their faction support, which Sesshomaru knew existed, and used veiled threats to force the others on to their side or into a passive state. A quick glance revealed that someone was missing from the assembled.

"Sesshomaru, son of the late Inu no Taisho, this Court-" Ainiueru paused, purposely. Sesshomaru clenched his fists, his breath unknowingly held.

"-finds you guilty of treason against the throne."

His breath slipped out in a sigh of disbelief; his hand slackened.

Sesshomaru's world had just dropped away from him.

He barely heard the next words through his shock. "You claim to have been thinking of the Inu no Taisho's honor when you refused to assist in; in light of such, this merciful court will not have to commit seppuku, as usually befits a noble traitor. Instead, you are hereby banished from the Miyako no Tsuki, to return on pain of death."

Sesshomaru looked numbly at her. "Kaa-san," he managed faintly.

Ainiueru's fan snapped shut in irritation. "You are no son of mine!" she pronounced loudly. "Guards, escort him to the edge of the city. Do not return until he vanishes from sight."

Slowly, he turned and walked out of the hall, two guards flanking him, another two following. He could attack them right them. The idea was rejected almost as soon as it came up. What good would it do? Why dishonor his name further?

He moved as if in a dream; it seemed too surreal. No one in the palace bowed as he passed; none lowered their eyes. They didn't have to now. His boots crunched softly in the freshly fallen snow as they the Outer Courtyard in silence.

"Sesshomaru-sama!"

He stopped haltingly, turning back towards the voice. Jimatsu, the one who was missing, was running across the yard. Sesshomaru watched as armed guards blocked the yokai's approach. Shouting and cursing, Jimatsu tried to break through but was held back.

"Sesshomaru-sama!" he yelled over the guards. "Sesshomaru-sama! Please don't do this! All isn't lost! Please, Sesshomaru-sama, don't go!" He growled as the guards forced him back. "Sesshomaru-sama!"

"Gomen nasai, ore no tomodachi," Sesshomaru whispered. He passed through the gate and into the city.

The peasants all bowed low as he passed. They should realize something is wrong, Sesshomaru thought; no one is announcing my coming. He smiled thinly. They must not know yet.

The escort reached the outer wall of the city quickly, certainly quicker than Sesshomaru ever remembered. The heavy wood doors swung outward and Sesshomaru walked forward, pausing on the threshold. Don't look back. Don't look back; leave it all behind you. His footsteps crunched through the snow. Five paces forward.

The gate creaked shut behind him, closing off the sound of the city.

He was dead to them.

So sudden. There was no formality, no ceremony. There was no closure to it; the abruptness left a yawning hole that yearned to be filled. His senses were oddly heightened. Everything seemed crisper, more defined somehow.

But… empty.

So quiet.

Where would he go? What would he do? Sesshomaru tilted his head back, turning his face up to the grey sky, eyes closed. So quiet, so still. He had always liked the snow; it was so pure and beautiful, covering the ugliness of the world. But now, as his eyes gazed blankly over the barren, frozen waste land, he wasn't so sure anymore.

White clouds of breath billowed up in front of him; the oppressive silence of the land broken only by his steady breaths and footsteps. Crossing the field in a dream-like trance, he hardly acknowledged the world around him. He wasn't sure where he was going; where was there for him to go? But Sesshomaru kept walking, to anywhere but here.

---

Ah… He remembered that day. He wandered in that pitiful state for a week, mindlessly defending himself against no less than four assassination attempts, foregoing food until he collapsed from exhaustion. It almost ended then. He had found Tenseiga already, feeling nothing upon seeing the note left by Totosai; he would get angry over that later. But he remembered. It was a beautiful sword. He had composed a death poem. Then, that one last cruel twist of fate: the sword couldn't kill. Again and again, experiencing the agony of dying, and returning to life. Risking his dignity by weeping openly in his misery. Finally, instinct took over and he found food: a rabbit, a young ningen boy. Bodily needs satisfied, he began wandering.

---

Well, what do you think of Sesshomaru now? Review and tell me. Please don't flame, anyone. Those are used for roasting marshmellows and such, and don't achieve what you'd like them too.

Many of the following footnotes aren't really necessary to understand the story, but they add some interesting cultural information if you like that sort of thing. (I do.)

1. Sazuka Oji- the 'red bird avenue' was basically the main street which ran north-south from the Imperial Palace two and half miles through the center of the city to the Rasho Mon (the main gate in the city walls), lined on either side with beautiful willow trees. Being the main throughfare, the Sazuka Oji was three hundred feet wide (no joke). Sadly, that's wider than the width of my yard...

2. Shi Jo- the 'fourth ward', the area east-west between the Third and Fourth Avenues, about 14 acres in length and 168 acres in width (not including the width of the avenues the ran north-south between it)

3. Shijo- the 'fourth avenue', which ran east-west across the city

4. jo- a 'ward'; the ones I'm referring to are each 14 acres in length and 7 acres in width

5. Suzaku Palace- throughout the city were several 'detached palaces' were imperial consorts were lodged during their confinements when they would have been ritually 'unclean' (to put it bluntly: when they had their period), since they would have made the imperial residence equally 'unclean'. Throughout history, emperors would occasionally be forced to stay in these palaces, since their own buildings had the unfortunate habit of burning down in frequent intervals.

6. shinden- the typical aristocratic mansion consisting of a number of rectangular buildings joined by long covered corridors. The compound included an elegant landscape garden, usually comprising of an artificial lake, a pine-dotted island, one or two miniature hills, and two streams which fed into the lake, and the buildings themselves, covering about 3.5 acres, and was enclosed by a white stone wall, set into which were two covered entrances for carriages and three gates. The building directly facing the garden was the master's chambers, and the east and west pavilions were for relations, friends, high-ranking retainers, secondary consorts, and children.

7. off-white hair- the purer the white of the hair and 'fluff' of a male inu yokai, the higher station of birth; hence Sesshomaru's snow white hair. For female inu yokai, higher birth is shown through more metallic silver hair; a duller, silver-grey shows a lower rank.


	17. In the Meantime

Eh, still not sure I like how this chapter turned out. But you'll be the judge of that! Not much Sesshomaru in this chapter. Well, he's there but he isn't. Anyways... Read on.

---

The flickering oil lamp threw strange shadows onto the wall, the sort which might have frightened small children, had there been any in Sesshomaru's room. It was night, and Jimatsu was the only person still awake. Jaken had nodded off where he was sitting across from the inuyokai, and Rin, her head resting on Jimatsu's lap in a startling breach of etiquette, was also sleeping, the day's worry erased from her face in her slumber. Jimatsu stared mournfully at Sesshomaru's still unconscious form. It seemed to him that the deep shadows on his lord's face from the dim lighting made him seem more otherworldly, as if he would vanish from sight in an instant, like a ghost. Jimatsu didn't know what he'd do if Sesshomaru ever vanished.

Jimatsu closed his eyes and said another prayer. Please, let Lord Sesshomaru awake from these terrible nightmares. He hadn't left Sesshomaru's side since he fainted, and had watched in horror and sympathy as his lord struggled with his own inner devils. Several times had Sesshomaru tossed and twisted fitfully, crying out to no one unparticular in his distress. Early in the evening, thankfully after everyone had drifted off to sleep, Sesshomaru had whimpered, Jimatsu's name escaping him as a sigh. The alarmed demon had sat still as stone, unmoving, as Sesshomaru quieted down, wondering what that was from. That wasn't the worst of the evening. Before that, Sesshomaru had suddenly lurched onto his side, hand clutching at his left shoulder as a strangled howl slipped out. Jimatsu had been there immediately, softly trying to coax Sesshomaru to lie down on his back again, murmuring quiet words to his lord's insensible form as he gently yet firmly pulled Sesshomaru's hand away from his shoulder, where his claws had dug deep gashes into the pale skin. The shoulder was bandaged now, as was the palm of Sesshomaru's hand, which had also received small puncture wounds when Sesshomaru had clenched his fist tightly. Adding those to the injury on his leg, and it seemed that Sesshomaru had been in a minor fight.

Jimatsu reached into the bowl of cool water next to him and grabbed the cloth there, ringing out the excess liquid. Leaning forward slightly at the waist as to not disturb Rin, Jimatsu brushed Sesshomaru's bangs out of the way and dabbed his forehead tenderly with the cloth. A fever had sprung up just as Hoshikuzu said, and Jimatsu had been stubbornly battling with it since its arrival, certain that it wasn't helping his lord's delirium. Sesshomaru shifted slightly under Jimatsu's cooling touch, and the inuyokai frowned sadly.

"Please wake up, my lord," Jimatsu whispered as he removed the cloth and sat back on his heels. "We are all so dreadfully worried about you…"

--

Early morning light fell across the tatami mats as Inuyasha walked silently over to where Sesshomaru lay, surrounded by the now sleeping sentries. He had returned to his own room the night before, but had found no comfort in Kagome's arms. He couldn't fall asleep and had sat up all night, staring at the candle, clutching Tetsusaiga near his shoulder. Thoughts of Sesshomaru had completely consumed him. What was happening to his brother? Sesshomaru had always been strong and confident, arrogant, really. Stress rarely got to him, at least on the outside. He was always calm and in control, to the point of appearing truly frightening. Sesshomaru had always been like that, even when he was younger. With that, Inuyasha's thoughts had unwillingly drifted to the memory of his first meeting with his full demon half brother.

-

A young boy, dressed all in red, a sharp contrast to his white hair, ran ahead of his mother happily, pleased to be outside of the city walls and in the woods. The city got so boring. The woods was full of new things, smells, sights, animals. He didn't understand why his mother elected to stay inside most of the time. When he asked her, she merely smiled and said that she enjoyed the indoors more than the out-of-doors. Besides, she had added, most people don't go into the woods. They can be dangerous. Well, they didn't seem too dangerous to him. Ignoring his mother's calls to stay close by her, he rounded a turn in the trail. His ears twitched as he heard an instinctually familiar sound; his nose took in a likewise similar scent. Rabbit! He darted off the trail in pursuit of his new-found game.

After losing track of the rabbit, he wandered aimlessly amongst the trees. He had no idea where the trail was, but he wasn't too worried. Once he got bored, he would just sniff out the city. It had worked all those other times.

Suddenly, he stopped, nose sifting through the different forest smells. Something wasn't right. Something didn't smell right. He didn't know what it was, but he knew it wasn't good. Cautious, he slowly made his way through the underbrush, following the scent. He just wanted to see what it was, then he would go back to Mother. After a few minutes, he came to a clearing. Stepping out into the bright sunlight, he blinked and shaded his eyes, scanning the meadow.

Walking slowly toward him from the other side of the field was a tall man clad all in white with gray armor, a white loop of fur over one shoulder. He wasn't carrying any swords. The boy watched as the man approached, wondering why this person wasn't avoiding him like all the others did. Sniffing the air again, he was overwhelmed with the strange scent.

"Who are you?" he called out once the man stopped, apparently close enough for his tastes. The strange man offered no response; he merely stood there, staring at the boy with an unreadable expression. A cold breeze stirred their hair, his rough and off-white, the stranger's silken by the looks of it and snow-white.

"Hey." The boy tried again. "Who are-"

"Inuyasha." The man's voice, cool and even, sent chills down Inuyasha's spine; the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. This gave him a bad feeling. Tense, Inuyasha held his ground as the stranger took a few more steps forward. He sniffed the air, and realized that the strange scent was emanating from the man before him. His legs twitched with an unexpected desire to flee, but curiosity held his ground. "Yeah? I'm Inuyasha. Who are you?"

The man was silent, as if considering the question. "I am Sesshomaru," he said finally.

Inuyasha stared. 'Sesshomaru', the 'killing perfection'. He shuddered slightly.

Sesshomaru noticed. "Why do you shake?"

"I'm not shaking," Inuyasha fired back, wondering what this person wanted. "I'm not afraid of you!"

This brought an amused smirk to the man's lips. "Maybe you should be," he said softly, just loud enough for Inuyasha's sensitive ears to pick up.

Then the man vanished from sight and reappeared next to Inuyasha, only an arm's length away.

Inuyasha shouted and jumped away, putting some distance between them. "Who are you?!" he yelled, worry tingeing his voice.

"I already told you," Sesshomaru answered monotonously, watching Inuyasha intently. "Perhaps the question is: what are you?"

Inuyasha was silent. This wasn't good. This guy wasn't safe. He cast a quick glance back to the woods. Where was his mother?

"It's no use looking for the trail," Sesshomaru said, drawing Inuyasha's attention back. "I lured you away from it. Your mother can't hear you."

A sick feeling grew in Inuyasha's stomach. "What are you?" he asked quietly, dreading the answer.

"You really can't tell, can you?" Sesshomaru said, his voice finally revealing an emotion: disgust. Pure untainted disgust. "I know you can tell that I'm different from the ningen you live with, you just can't figure out what I smell like. I'll tell you then: I am an inuyokai, as the ningen would call me."

Inuyasha's eyes widened. "An… inuyokai…" he breathed, looking at Sesshomaru in awe and fear.

"Yes," Sesshomaru said. "And you, you are a hanyou."

Inuyasha cringed, suddenly ashamed. The way Sesshomaru said the word; it made him feel lower than dirt. He mentally shook himself.

"Yeah, so what?" he challenged, hopefully sounding braver than he felt. The child raised his fists as he said so, crouching down slightly into an easily defended position.

Sesshomaru's smirk deepened when he saw this. "You aren't purposing to fight me, are you?" he said idly.

"Wha- No!" Inuyasha quickly straightened up again. His mother had once told him that yokai had really strong instincts still, even if they appear human-like. They could read the language of the body very well, and could tell if you were frightened or happy or angry simply by looking at the way you stood and how you moved, she had said. Inuyasha bit his lower lip; he had a feeling this guy was no exception.

Suddenly a thought struck him.

"Hey," he said loudly. "You're older than me, right? Did you know my dad?"

Sesshomaru stiffened and a look of anger flashed over his face, but it was gone in an instant, hidden behind a perfectly blank mask; his shoulders relaxed.

"Yes, I knew the Inu no Taisho."

Inuyasha's mouth stretched into a grin. "Really? How?"

The yokai didn't answer for a moment. "He is my father," he responded at length, his voice controlled and even.

"What?! Then, you're-"

"Yes. I have half of your blood," Sesshomaru cut him off quickly, as if he didn't want to hear the word 'brother'.

"My mother never told me that I had a brother," Inuyasha said suspiciously, using the word anyways.

"No, she wouldn't," Sesshomaru muttered, more to himself than to the child, dropping his eyes to the grass to hide a rueful grin.

Inuyasha shifted, feeling awkward. "Why are you here?" he asked.

Sesshomaru looked up from the ground and fixed his golden eyes to Inuyasha's. He walked forward slowly, not looking from the child for a moment. Inuyasha was taken with the sudden urge to run, but found that he couldn't tear his eyes away from the yokai. Sesshomaru stopped a foot away, and answered:

"To kill you."

Inuyasha's breath caught in his throat. "Why?" his whispered, terrified, his voice quivering to match his body.

"You are a disgrace," Sesshomaru hissed venomously, towering over the boy. "A hanyou, half ningen, half yokai. No home, no kindred. You are an outcast." The words 'just like me' sprang into the back of his mind and he swallowed them with difficulty. "Your tainted blood has no place in this world. I am merely going to put you out of your misery."

Inuyasha broke away from the yokai's gaze and ran. He ran faster than he had even run in his life, or had ever after. Blood pounded in his ears and fear coursed through his veins. Where was the trail? Where was Mother? He couldn't hear him, but he knew Sesshomaru was chasing him. Why? Why did he hate him so much? Was he really his brother? Why? His foot caught on a tree root and he crashed to the ground painfully; he scrambled wildly to his feet and kept running, panicked. He cast a quick glance behind him: nothing. He looked forward and let out a shriek as he collided with Sesshomaru.

The demon grabbed Inuyasha's throat and slammed him backwards into the trunk of a nearby tree, knocking the wind out of the boy and choking him. Inuyasha squirmed and struggled, but stilled as Sesshomaru tightened his grip. Inuyasha, his heart racing, stared up terrified into his brother's expressionless face; there was no mistaking the animosity in those cold amber eyes. He was going to kill him!

"Stop it," Inuyasha said quietly, his voice rising as he continued. "Please, stop it. Let me go. Let me go! Please, I'll promise that I'll never bother you!"

"You're right," Sesshomaru murmured, flexing razor-sharp claws. "You will never bother me."

But he didn't strike. He stared deep into Inuyasha's eyes, then straightened up and turned his head to listen to the forest. His face didn't change, but he relinquished his hold on Inuyasha, who slid to the foot of the tree, still paralyzed in fear.

"You're lucky," Sesshomaru muttered. He vanished into the tree tops.

Inuyasha sat there for a few more minutes, trying to calm down. What was that? His ears pricked and he heard his mother off in the woods. That must have been what Sesshomaru heard. Shakily, he got to his feet and went to her.

He had been edgy for the next month, jumping a small noises and the like. Occasionally the scent he knew now to be his half-brother's drifted to him, and he would tense up, staring at the woods. Sometimes chills would race through his body and he would feel a hateful gaze on him. His mother's questions had gone unanswered; 'it's nothing.' Inuyasha did start to secretly practice fighting, to get stronger. He knew that someday, his life might depend on it.

-

Now, years later, Inuyasha crouched down silently next to his brother's sleeping form, not sure what to do or even think. He wasn't even sure why he had bothered to come back to the room. It was true; he wanted Sesshomaru to wake up, if only to take command again. As soon as the taiyokai had fallen unconscious, Ochiba had stepped up to rule in his stead until he recovered. Life under Sesshomaru's rule was bearable, but Inuyasha knew trouble would start if Ochiba ruled for any length of time.

Inuyasha also hoped Sesshomaru would wake up without the 'attacks' or mood swings. He was less predictable with them, and it annoyed Inuyasha. At least that's what he told himself. If he was honest, he really did want to see his brother better.

"Inu…yasha…"

The hanyou stared at Sesshomaru, confused. Was he waking up? "Yeah?" he whispered, leaning forward. "I'm here."

"… Wha.. Why?" Sesshomaru shifted uneasily in his sleep.

Inuyasha frowned. "Why what?"

Just when Inuyasha figured Sesshomaru had nothing else to say in his slumber, he answered. "How can you… let them?"

"What? Who?"

"Treat you like that…" Inuyasha waited. "Just because… you're… hanyou…"

Well, if that wasn't the most hypocritical thing Inuyasha had ever heard his brother say-

"They're weak… You're better… than ningen…" Inuyasha leaned closer; Sesshomaru's half-muttered speech, slurred and drowsy, made it difficult to understand the words.

"Can't let them… treat you like that… Disgrace… to your yokai blood… Worthless… How can you… forgive… that" Sesshomaru fell silent again, and didn't say anything else.

"What?" Inuyasha was confused. Sesshomaru wasn't making any sense… He hated him for having human blood, not because he didn't stick up for his demon blood. Right?

What the hell. Sesshomaru was sleeping and currently unstable. He was probably talking nonsense anyways.

Inuyasha sighed and leaned back on his hands, gasping as he touched something wet. He accidentally up-ended a bowl of water with the sharp withdrawal that followed and he cursed quietly as he watched it seep into the tatami. Damn.

"Tell a servant to bring another bowl."

Inuyasha jumped. The noise had woken Jimatsu, who stirred like one not quite accustomed to sleeping but who needed it, slightly disorientated but alert. He glanced down at Rin, who was still sleeping on his lap, and then looked sadly at Sesshomaru, a frown marring his handsome face as he noted that Sesshomaru was still asleep.

"He'll be okay," Inuyasha whispered, feeling the need to offer comfort to the only one in the whole gods-forsaken palace who had made any attempt to be truly civil.

Jimatsu nodded. "He has to be," he murmured, his voice a low rumble from the sleep. Inuyasha found it oddly soothing.

Jimatsu watched the steady rise and fall of Sesshomaru's chest. "He seems to have calmed down some from earlier," he added quietly.

"From earlier?"

"He was occasionally struck by terrible fits before. Sometimes violent," he added, gesturing to Sesshomaru's bandaged shoulder, which was clearly visible since Jimatsu hadn't put Sesshomaru's haori completely back on after dressing the wound.

They fell silent at a small moan from Sesshomaru. He stirred slightly, his eyes shut tight. Then slowly, they opened.

---

Well, that's the chapter. Tell me what you think!


	18. Emotional Upheaval

Here's the next installment. I don't have much to say about this one... The second half was fun to write. Sesshomaru actually swears for once, not that it's out loud of course. Well, read on. (How many people actually read this intro part?)

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Word quickly swept through the palace that Lord Sesshomaru had woken up. The entire atmosphere lifted, as if a heavy fog had finally vanished in the bright sunlight of that morning. Only a few gloomy places remained from a handful of yokai who would have been less than upset if things had turned out poorly for the ruler.

Rin had been overjoyed and she clung to Sesshomaru like one frightened that he would disappear if she let go. Jaken gruffly told her through his sniffing tears to get off their lord, but she paid him no attention. Sesshomaru was alright, and that was all that mattered. Inuyasha just stood by, feeling that his presence was unnecessary and awkward, looking at the scene in an embarrassed fashion. Jimatsu watched quietly, a soft smile on his face and water welling up in his eyes. His eyes locked on to Sesshomaru's at one point and they hadn't said anything; Jimatsu's gratefulness that his lord was awake was too great to be expressed in words. Jimatsu waited a few minutes, allowing Rin time to properly express her relief and happiness, and then he suggested that they leave and give their lord Sesshomaru time to recover; Jimatsu had noticed the weariness that still lingered about his lord's eyes and in his movements. Rin had reluctantly agreed and pried her arms off of Sesshomaru; she and the yokai left, with Inuyasha hovering, uncertain, at the door a moment longer before leaving as well. Sesshomaru and Hoshikuzu sat in silence in the empty room, servants having been dismissed as well.

Finally Hoshikuzu spoke. "How do you feel?"

"That was terrible," Sesshomaru said quietly, his voice harsh from not being used.

Hoshikuzu gave a small smile. "You remembered things you tried to forget." It wasn't quite a question.

Sesshomaru dropped his gaze to the tatami. Yes, he remembered things. He remembered many things. Most of them were painful, but there had been a few gems.

"Really though, how do you feel?" There was honest concern in his voice.

"I feel… different. Exhausted, like all the energy's been washed out of me, yet strangely… renewed?" Sesshomaru frowned, disliking his inability to describe it.

The onmyoji let Sesshomaru think about it for a moment, then asked, "Tell me, do you want that to happen again?"

"No," Sesshomaru answered quickly, immediately. He took a breath. "What happened to me?"

"Your Water and Fire have begun their emergence into Yang, by reminding you that you can feel those ways. They showed you proof. This was the gentle first step."

"Gentle?" Sesshomaru repeated. That was anything but gentle. He was still reeling from the shock of it.

"It will get worse."

"What?"

"There's no need to sound so worried. There are ways to make it less difficult. Instead of those sorts of nasty explosions of actions, you can take measures to turn it into a gradual, easing process."

He couldn't let something like that happen again. That was weak and embarrassing. He had to have more control than that. "Please teach me," Sesshomaru asked in a low voice, bowing deeply.

"It will not be easy, my lord," Hoshikuzu explained after he had returned the bow. "I doubt you will enjoy it."

"I will endure," was Sesshomaru's short reply.

"Shall we start now then?

"What?" The startled question slipped out.

"We can start now. Although, I would suggest that you rest more before we begin…"

"I'm fine," the taiyokai insisted stubbornly.

Hoshikuzu hid a smile behind his sleeve. "Very well then; we will start with something simple. My lord, please close your eyes."

Tensing, Sesshomaru stared at Hoshikuzu warily.

Noticing this, the onmyoji sighed. "Lord Sesshomaru, you will need some trust in me if I am to help you. I have no desire to hurt you, nor am I much in the mind to betray you. Please relax."

Reluctantly, Sesshomaru closed his eyes.

"Now," came Hoshikuzu's calm steady voice. "Relax as you breathe, slowly deepening your breaths as you calm yourself."

Meditaion, Sesshomaru thought. This I can do easily enough. Within a few moments, he was centered comfortably, mind cleared.

"Now, without opening your eyes, see a forest. You are standing there by a worn dirt path. You hear the birds and creatures stirring the tree leaves and stepping through the undergrowth. You feel the warmth of the sun on you head and shoulders as it streams down through the branches overhead…"

Sesshomaru could picture it clearly in his mind's eye, the forest stretching out before him, becoming more detailed with Hoshikuzu's instructions. Yes, he could see it clearly.

_And suddenly he was there. Standing in a forest, alone, next to the dirt path. A bird fluttered above him and he looked up, following its trail through the trees. The wind brushed softly across his cheek and lifted his hair, turning it idly. Sesshomaru took a deep breath; the musky scent of the forest was almost overpowering. _

_He heard a noise, from up the path. He turned and watched, not feeling alarmed or concerned. Just… detached. _

_The sound was coming closer. Fast foot-falls; someone was running. Light steps; a child maybe? _

_There were other noises, behind the first. Following the first. He could hear barking. _

_Wolves. He could smell them. And the under-scent. It was… ningen?_

_Before Sesshomaru could process this, the predicted ningen child ran into view and he cried out in surprise. It was Rin, younger than she was now, maybe eight. Clearly panicked, obviously tired, she ran gasping toward Sesshomaru, short legs carrying her as fast as they could. Following close behind were the Wolves, bloodlust and hunger ringing in their growls. _

"_Rin, come here!" Sesshomaru shouted, stepping onto the path. Those Wolves were going to regret even considering Rin as their next meal._

_But Rin ran right passed Sesshomaru. Confused and nearly sickened with worry, Sesshomaru turned and watched her. The Wolves ran pass a half a second later, or, as Sesshomaru realized with a barely repressed shudder, through him._

_Rin cried out in shock as she tripped and crashed to the ground._

"_Rin!" Sesshomaru ran forward as the Wolves advanced on the girl slowly. He reached forward, claws tensed to rip the nearest Wolf out of the way; his attacked swept through the Wolf with no effect and they lunged at the screaming child._

_Stunned, Sesshomaru stared numbly as the Wolves tore the shrieking girl to shreds before the pain finally let her pass out. The Wolves sniffed the body, pawed at it a few more times, then turned and trotted off, oblivious to the taiyokai._

_Sesshomaru stepped forward. Oh, gods, Rin? How? What- What happened? He stood over her, gazing at her unseeing eyes. He could scarcely breathe. It hurt. No, he wanted Rin back. She couldn't be gone._

_The numbness was swiftly swept away by a new tide: anger. Snarling in inarticulate fury, he wrenched a hefty limb off the nearest tree and hurled it at another, the force of his throw shattering the branch on impact. He snatched a large stone off the ground and threw that, snapping off a young sapling at its base. He raged for a few minutes, tears blurring his vision and a fire burning in his throat. Dropping to his knees next to Rin's still form, he slammed his fist into the ground, creating a five-inch deep hole. Rin… Gods, why? Why could he do nothing?! _

"Lord Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru gasped as his eyes snapped open, tears flowing freely down his face. He was in his room and Hoshikuzu was seated across from him, looking both resolved and saddened.

Sesshomaru grit his teeth and stared at the tatami as the tears continued to fall unbidden. Rin had been dead. It hurt so much. It still hurt so much.

"That is the force of the grief you are capable of feeling," Hoshikuzu whispered.

The distraught yokai wiped the tears away fiercely. "You caused that," he snapped, furious at the onmyoji.

"I led you there, yes," Hoshikuzu replied. "I painted the scene. But the emotions are all your own."

"Why Rin?" Sesshomaru growled. How dare Hoshikuzu do that…

"I wanted something I was certain you would react to. She was the first thing I came up with. I apologize." Hoshikuzu bowed low to the floor.

Sesshomaru was silent for a beat. "That was supposed to be simple?"

"It was simple in the sense that it would create easily recognized emotions due to an obvious catalyst. I did say that you would not like it. But this way, you can at least control when you re-experience these emotions. By choosing to re-feel them on your own, you save your Yin the trouble of forcing Water and Fire on you at inopportune moments."

"I will have to do this again," Sesshomaru stated flatly, realizing what Hoshikuzu was saying.

"Yes, my lord. Many times, with different situations and different emotions."

Sesshomaru sighed. This was going to be horrible.

Sesshomaru entered the room to the sound of retching. Something splattered into hopefully a bowl, rather than onto the tatami. He had abruptly left a meeting after a servant had relayed the message that Rin was terribly ill, startling Sesshomaru to the point where he almost forgot to excuse himself. His swift departure was still fairly rude, but at least he remembered to apologize. Sesshomaru, still shaken over what Hoshikuzu had shown him only a few days earlier, found himself thinking about what he would do if something happened to Rin. To hear that Rin was ill… The knot in his stomach tightened.

Hoshikuzu was kneeling next to a folding screen, the closest he could get to Rin while remaining proper.

"How is she?" Sesshomaru whispered as they bowed and he knelt down.

"Lady Rin cannot eat anything. She becomes violently ill a few minutes later," Hoshikuzu explained. "The ladies-in-waiting tell me that she fell ill shortly after breaking fast."

Sesshomaru's eyes widened slightly. "Poison?"

Hoshikuzu shook his head. "She doesn't display any of the symptoms, and I didn't find any traces. Truly, this is the work of a malevolent spirit."

Sesshomaru nodded gravely. "Please do what you can for her," he said with a bow, which Hoshikuzu returned.

They sat in silence for a few moments. Then, impulsively, Sesshomaru stood up and went behind the screen.

The ladies-in-waiting looked up; horror registered on their faces at the breach of etiquette. Then the moment passed and they scooted out of the way towards the corners.

Sesshomaru knelt down quietly next to the futon and stared dismally at Rin's tired form.

"I'm sorry, Sesshomaru-sama," Rin whispered.

"Don't apologize; this isn't your fault," Sesshomaru whispered in reply.

Rin tried to sit up, swayed, and collapsed heavily onto the blankets.

"She is too dizzy to stand, oh, yet she tries!" the ladies cried softly. They had grown quite fond of their adorable ningen lady, and were very loyal to her. Seeing Rin in such a state brought them great distress.

The taiyokai laid his hand gently on the girl's forehead. "Don't worry; you'll be better soon."

But his promise was in vain. Sesshomaru's daily duties were punctuated by visits to Rin as she struggled with the mysterious illness. Every morning found her dizzy and unable to eat, but she was fine by midday, albeit ravenous.

Sesshomaru was on his way to Rin for the sixth time that week when he crossed paths with Kagome. She was being stubborn where court dress was concerned, wearing the bare minimum that formality required. And she had taken to wearing her uchitake in outrageous ways, tying the sleeves around her waist and letting the rest trail. Jimatsu had mentioned that the human court seemed to like that style in the summer months, but Sesshomaru couldn't imagine anyone wearing their clothes like that and calling it fashionable.

"Sesshomaru-sama," Kagome acknowledged him with a deep bow. Sesshomaru inclined his head; at least she was picking up manners.

"Are you going to visit Rin?" Kagome asked, her fan hiding most of her face.

Sesshomaru's affirmative brought the question of accompaniment, so Kagome followed behind Sesshomaru with her serving women to Rin's room.

Rin was already recovering from her morning spell and managed to greet them properly. She was delighted to see Kagome, and while they chatted about whatever women talk about, Sesshomaru conferred with Hoshikuzu.

"Has there been any change in the symptoms?" he asked.

"No, my lord," Hoshikuzu replied regretfully. "I am still baffled by her illness. I believe that perhaps the daily rituals drive out the spirit, hence her apparent recovery, yet they aren't strong enough to banish the apparition for good. I apologize, my lord." He said, bowing deeply. "It seems that this is beyond my abilities."

Just then, Kagome spoke up. "Sesshomaru-sama?"

"What?" he answered distractedly. Hoshikuzu, as much as he hated to admit it, was the palace's best. This would mean a trip to the temple and shrine.

Kagome came and sat a respectful distance away from the two yokai, her fan still hiding her face. "I think I know what's wrong with Rin."

Sesshomaru stared at her. How could she know, when even Hoshikuzu was at a loss. Still… Medicine was known to improve with time; perhaps she did know.

"I will hear you," he said finally.

Kagome suddenly looked embarrassed. "Uh, well, I think she might have, um, morning sickness."

Sesshomaru didn't understand the terminology. "We're well aware of that," he snapped.

"I don't think you understand," Kagome said quietly, face going red. "It- That means… she's pregnant."

Sesshomaru looked at her in a mix of shock and horror; he realized his mouth was open and shut it quickly, a blush rising to his cheeks. Only one word came to mind, and it was terribly uncouth.

Shit.

He felt his blush deepen as Kagome looked away awkwardly. Hoshikuzu cleared his throat and tried not to grin in amusement, to no avail. Sesshomaru dismissed Kagome with a look that said she was to tell no one. He sat very still and tried to come to terms with the enlightening news.

Rin was pregnant. With his child. (It had better his child or heads were going to roll.) A hanyou child. Hastily he tried to come up with damage control. He could give her something. There were herbs for that sort of thing. Or, when he child was delivered, he could have it…

His thoughts trailed off as he looked at Rin, engaged in a simple game of gomokunarabe that a clever lady-in-waiting must have set up to keep her occupied while he was still talking. She looked so innocent still, so unsuspecting, with the touches of womanhood finally gracing her face after transforming the rest of her body. Losing a child was painful for yokai; it would probably be worse for a ningen, possibly fatal. And the grief: didn't many women feel devastated about losing a child?

He couldn't do that to her, he realized. For better or for worse, he would keep the child.

"Rin?" he called out. The girl glanced up and came over immediately, with a slight wobble to her step, and sat down. Sesshomaru simply looked at her for a moment, hesitating.

"How are you, Rin?" he blurted out finally. Coward, he reproached himself mentally.

"I'm okay," she answered. "How are you, Sesshomaru-sama? Is the cut on your leg doing better?"

Sesshomaru blinked and recalled his injury. "I'm doing well, Rin. Thank you."

"How are you, Lord Hoshikuzu?"

Sesshomaru remembered with a start that the onmyoji was still there.

"I'm doing just fine, Lady Rin," Hoshikuzu said with a pleasant smile. "I apologize that I can't help you more, but it seems that this is beyond my control."

"I have something important to tell you," Sesshomaru cut in swiftly. He glared at Hoshikuzu. "If you would…"

"Of course, my lord." Hoshikuzu gave a knowing smile. In that instant, Sesshomaru hated him. He waited until the bothersome onmyoji left before returning his attention to Rin.

"Rin," he began, wondering how she would take the news and just how he managed to get himself into these messes. "You're going to have a baby soon."

For a moment, Rin looked confused. Then a broad, hopeful smile emerged. "Really?" There was a sudden look of horror. "I'm going to be fat!"

Sorted laughter was quickly cut off. Sesshomaru shot a death look at the doors. Eavesdropping bastard.

Well, if that was the least she was worried about…

'_You'll go the same way as your father.'_

Ochiba's haunting words returned to him unbidden. Hmph. They'd just have to see about that.

---

Aww, what's a taiyokai to do? Please tell me what you think! This fic lives off of reviews!


	19. Research: Failed

Happy holidays! Another four months gone by. ; I tried uploading this chapter earlier in the week, but this website was acting oddly and it didn't work. This chapter is sort of an in-between chapter. It cuts the story roughly into the first and second half. Enjoy!

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As soon as he had the barest hint of free time, Sesshomaru went to the library.

The night before, he had been reflecting on the startling news that had been so unceremoniously presented to him earlier that day. After Kagome's suggestion, Hoshikuzu had been quick to confirm that she was right, Lady Rin was indeed pregnant. So with a cup of tea to help calm his nerves, Sesshomaru had been meditating on it, just abstract musings, trying to avoid considering the opinions of the Court. Oh, he knew what they would think if they found out. It was the Inu no Taisho all over again, and this couldn't end well for any member of the Imperial Family. Sesshomaru knew that even his own supporters would be reluctant to accept the news of the impending birth with joyous words.

But he had firmly steered himself away from those thoughts, and instead tried to focus on what Rin would need, what he could do for her to make this… ordeal, as smooth as possible. It was then that his thoughts had come to a screeching halt, eyes snapping open and tea nearly slipping from his fingers as he realized something incredibly dire.

He, Sesshomaru, knew nothing about ningen birth.

Of course, he knew the basics of ningen coupling as it was fundamentally similar to yokai, although courtship differed widely among the species. But as to the actual details, he had not the slightest idea. How long was a mother with child before birth? He knew it was longer than an inuyokai's 63 days, but by how much? What did expecting ningen mothers eat to help ensure a healthy child? What were signs that something was going wrong? Hell, what were signs that things were going _right_? Sesshomaru didn't know, and it bothered him.

Mid-morning sunlight lit up the swirling dust in the air as Sesshomaru entered the library, an unusual room if only for its solid stone walls. The walls were covered in honeycomb shelves stretching up to the ceiling, each slot containing a scroll. A few flat shelves were dedicated to books. Low-standing ornate cabinets, the sort of which might have held a collection of 'next morning letters', stood lined up in rows in the center of the room, and low writings desks equipped with neat stacks of paper, ink, and pens were spaced evenly about.

Sesshomaru dismissed the few clerks attending, along with a chamberlain who wasn't completely successful at hiding his annoyance. Once alone, he began his research. Surely, someone must have documented ningen birth at some point. Not for the first time he softly whispered a heart-felt curse at himself. As a child he was taught something about ningen; much like ningen make a study of animals and plants, so do yokai make a study of ningen. But he had barely given those lessons an eight of his attention…

It didn't help that he wasn't quite sure what to look for. Sesshomaru doubted he'd find book or scrolled labeled 'the process of ningen birth'. Still, he knew that no substantial research had been done on ningen in the last few centuries so he looked towards the older scrolls. He selected a scroll penned some three hundred years prior by a well-respected physician and skimmed the contents. He found nothing useful.

The next six scrolls passed the same way, and he was getting frustrated. He briefly scanned the four hundred year old work of Minbu no Taifu who was interested in the frailty of ningen, particularly in their susceptibility to illness. It seemed promising at least.

"Nine months?!" Sesshomaru hissed a few minutes later. "So long for something so weak…" He read the next few lines, a pit of worry growing in his stomach. There was so much that could go wrong! All the scroll provided was a list of possibilities, no mention of symptoms, prevention, or treatment. But of course, Sesshomaru though bitterly, gritting his teeth, no one was interested in that.

"My Lord Sesshomaru?"

The taiyokai jumped slightly, bumping the shelf a tad. Damn sneaking onmyoji.

"What is it?" he said, turning.

"I was told I could find you here." Hoshikuzu bowed. Sesshomaru barely nodded. "Looking for something to read, my lord? Fiction?"

Sesshomaru managed a dignified huff. "Fiction is the stuff of bored minds and the fantasies of women," Sesshomaru muttered, tossing his scroll onto a writing table already crowded with his other attempts. "Research."

Receiving an approving nod, Hoshikuzu picked up the faded manuscript.

"Ningen, my lord?" The note of surprise was evident.

"I won't stumble into Rin's pregnancy blind," he said quietly. Despite the stone walls of the library making it one of the most private places in the palace, Sesshomaru knew that here, even walls could have ears.

"But, my lord," Hoshikuzu began, brow creased in confusion. "Are ningen and hanyou the same?"

"Of course no-" Sesshomaru broke off into a low growl. Of course. He didn't need information on ningen, he needed information on hanyou. Perfect. No one ever bothered to study those mistakes, as rare as they were.

He stood there for a few moments, uncertain, angry at himself for his momentary stupidity, before snatching up the scrolls he left out, rolling them up with sharp, agitated movements.

"Perhaps I could be of some assistance, my lord?" Hoshikuzu inquired gently.

'No' was the short reply.

The onmyoji stood silently as Sesshomaru stalked over to the shelves, returning the scrolls to their places with quick flicks of the wrist that sent the paper slamming into the wall with loud clacks. Precious free time, wasted!

He stopped after returning the last scroll, took a deep breath and released it slowly, exhaling his frustration and tension with it.

"What is it you wanted?" Sesshomaru asked in a normal tone when he walked back to Hoshikuzu.

Now was obviously not a good time for the onmyoji's question. "Ah, it is nothing, my lord. Please do not worry yourself."

This was the wrong thing to say. Suspicion immediately lit up the taiyokai's eyes. "You troubled yourself to find me; I would not force such an inconvenience for no reason," he responded evenly, sounding for all the world truly sincere.

Hoshikuzu kept a steady expression, although he knew that Sesshomaru's last remark had trapped him. To continue refusing would insult Sesshomaru's manners.

"I merely wished to humbly inquire as to your plans for preventing the attacks," he said innocently, bowing deeply and steeling himself for the worst.

Sesshomaru's carefully tended masked slipped for the briefest of seconds, revealing apprehension, worry, anxiety, and a host of other emotions all blurring and melding into one another. But his face smoothed back to a neutral air automatically, his mind pushing away the feelings without giving him time enough to process them.

"I haven't given it much thought," he lied. "With the current… circumstances as they are, its importance has been lessened some." Well, that was partially true at least.

"Something more important than your health, my lord?" It slipped out before Hoshikuzu could stop himself.

Sesshomaru was silent, biting back the nasty comments that threatened to tumble past his lips.

"I will call for you when time permits," he said, choosing to ignore the onmyoji's comment entirely. The stiff tone to his voice was proof enough of his displeasure.

"Very good, my lord. I humbly await your summons." Hoshikuzu bowed deeply once more and quit the library, grateful that his lord had restrained the anger the onmyoji knew was there.

Sesshomaru followed Hoshikuzu's retreat with narrowed golden eyes before turning back to the shelves. What were the chances that he'd find anything useful about hanyou? He almost walked out of the library right then, but the other alternative kept him there. He already knew about yokai birth, obviously, but his one guaranteed source on ningen birth was his last resort. There was no way he was going to sit down and talk to Kagome about something so… awkward unless there was no other alternative. So he continued browsing the library.

The few mentions of hanyou usually accompanied instructions on how to force miscarriages; one scroll detailed the reasons for why hanyou are disgraceful and should be put down at every opportunity. Reading it, Sesshomaru couldn't help but question his judgment. Really, a hanyou child? What was he thinking? The child would have no claim to the throne or inheritance or anything, born only to be ridiculed and neglected by yokai and humans alike. And if he, Sesshomaru, were to leave this earth before the child did, then its life was over; no one would protect it.

But he had already decided. He wouldn't change his mind now, especially after telling Rin. No, if he had wanted to rid himself of the child, he should have kept it a secret from her. Too late now.

A thin booklet caught his eye and he stopped, pulling it out and running a nail down the faint ink on the cover. This style, he recognized this hand. He opened to the first page and a quick glance confirmed his hunch.

This was Izaiyoi's journal.

Before he could read even the first line a gong sounded from somewhere in the palace, signaling the hour. Sesshomaru snapped the book shut in frustration; he had a meeting to attend. Hiding the book behind another, he left the library to the clerks.

Crossing the Outer Courtyard, Sesshomaru saw a mounted noble gallop in through the Outer Gates and come to a sharp stop. The rider swung down swiftly and handed the reins to a stable hand, then proceeded to flat-out run across the courtyard. Sesshomaru recognized him.

"Taro!"

The young yokai skidded to a stop, spun around and saw Sesshomaru.

"Otou-sama," he called, bowing deeply as his father walked over.

"What business had you out of the palace?" Sesshomaru asked in honest curiosity.

"Hunting, sir."

"Oh?" He noticed that his son was indeed decked out in a hunter's outfit.

"My friends and I haven't been out since that crushing heat set in, but the weather's nicer now. I got three pheasants with two shots," Taro said, flushing with pride.

"Impressive," Sesshomaru agreed, surprised to find himself smiling slightly. "Where is your brother?"

"Jiro was just leaving the Academy for the palace when I rode by. I'd imagine he's still here, probably getting ready for the meeting."

Taro hesitated, then blurted out, "You should come hunting, Otou-sama. Lord Jimatsu said once that you are the best archer he knows."

Sesshomaru's smile faltered. "I… don't hunt much anymore," he said quietly.

Taro looked incredulous. "But surely your skill couldn't have waned that mu- er-" He choked on his words, realizing his mistake. "But of course, you are very busy. I wouldn't take any of your time for a childish whim. My apologies, Otou-sama," he said quickly, trying to save his father from embarrassment.

Sesshomaru nodded stiffly. "The meeting will start soon," he reminded him. "Please don't be late."

"I will do my best," Taro responded with the expected reply. Sesshomaru silently blessed formality's saving grace again.

Taro bowed and left quickly, leaving Sesshomaru alone in the courtyard. He didn't move for a moment, then slowly reached up and softly touched his empty sleeve.

Mentally shaking himself out of his brief self-pity, Sesshomaru went to go change for the meeting.

--

"Inuyasha, you will go to this meeting."

Sesshomaru was in his half-brother's room, glaring at the hanyou's lounging form on the engawa. He had specifically told Inuyasha that he was expected to attend this meeting, and he didn't show up. Sesshomaru had sent a page boy, thinking that perhaps Inuyasha had forgotten; the page returned with a whispered message that he had haltingly repeated before begging forgiveness for speaking in such a way. Sesshomaru had excused himself from the meeting, which hadn't technically started yet since not everyone was present, and had come straight to Inuyasha's room.

"I told you, I'm not coming to your damn meeting. I'd rather be sick," Inuyasha said crossly.

Sesshomaru clenched his fist. Relax, he told himself.

"Inuyasha, you are a prince. You must come to this meeting; it is your duty to attend-"

Inuyasha sat up suddenly, giving Sesshomaru a glare of his own. "The only one here who has any sworn duty to go to stuffy, boring-as-hell meetings is you. I don't want anything to do with all that," he scowled.

"Whether you want to or not is immaterial," Sesshomaru snapped, certain that they had this same conversation before. "You-"

"Why did you even bother bringing me to the palace, Sesshomaru?" Inuyasha demanded, climbing to his feet, hands balled into fists. "You know I'm not a prince by any stretch of the imagination. Why'd you do it? Did you honestly think you could; what? Shape me into the perfect little prince and we'd all live happily ever after?"

"Hardly, I-"

"What, then? You know I'm no good with formality and politics and all that other crap. Why drag me here?" Inuyasha wondered how many times they would have this argument before Sesshomaru told him just what the reason was.

"For your own safety, Inuyasha; if you-"

"Aside from that 'for your own good' excuse you keep trying. Because being surrounded by enemies is much safer than living in obscurity," Inuyasha said humorlessly.

The taiyokai was getting sick of being interrupted. He took a deep, shuttering breath before speaking. "You realize, Inuyasha, that there are plenty of people who think that hanyou are worthless, ignorant and completely unable to achieve any sort of sophistication. You're not exactly helping yourself by doing this."

"Maybe I don't care anymore if people think I'm some uncultured idiot who'll never amount to anything," Inuyasha sneered mockingly. "What if I just go out of my way to make it look like that's exactly how I am?"

"Fine!" Sesshomaru snapped angrily. He'd had enough of this. "Fine! Go ahead, play the fool with your unparalleled skill, show people what a waste your kind are." He stormed across the room to the shoji. "Damn them all then; yourself, your children, my child, your grandchildren-"

"Wait, what did you just say?" Inuyasha asked in disbelief.

Sesshomaru froze, hand on the shoji, balking at what he just said. He had thought that Kagome would tell Inuyasha anyways, but it was obvious she had kept her mouth shut like he wanted. And now he had just ruined it.

Slowly, Sesshomaru turned to face Inuyasha. His mouth moved mutely before he could bring himself to say it.

"… Rin is with child," he said, glancing away. He mentally reprimanded himself for not being able to meet his brother's gaze.

An awkward silence followed. Inuyasha was stunned. His brother had always hated hanyou, and now he was going to have a hanyou child of his own? 'Serves him right,' he thought fiercely, suddenly.

"Hypocrite," he spat finally.

Sesshomaru visibly flinched; it was slight, but Inuyasha noticed.

"I take my leave of you," Sesshomaru muttered. The shoji opened and closed with a soft clack.

Inuyasha stared at the place his brother had been a moment before.

Now what?

---

That went well. --; Will they ever get along? Well, you know the drill; button's down to your left.


End file.
